hardcover days, paperback nights

2012-01-07T23:40:00.000-08:00

after mooching off my parents for most of the last 5 years and scoring sweet house-sitting gigs here and there along the way, i have finally secured a little studio in oakland to call my own. for a year, anyway. i look forward to using my car less, getting a bike, and not feeling like a loser mooching off my parents. and so on. thankful for having a roof over my head for the last few years, and wondering what this next season will look like.

2011-12-15T17:13:00.000-08:00

i have been super obsessed with Over the Rhine lately (i'm late to the game, but hey better late than never). saw them live about a month ago and they blew me away. the long surrender, their latest album, is pretty amazing. for this christmas season, i recommend snow angels their second christmas album. and i love that they put this song on there. this is a great prayer.

New Redemption Song
(Words and Music: Detweiler)

Lord we need a new redemption song
Lord we’ve tried
It just seems to come out wrong
Won’t you help us please
Help us just to sing along
A new redemption song

Lord we need
A new redemption day
All our worries
Keep getting in the way

Won’t you help us please
Help us find the words to pray
To bring redemption day

2011-11-30T15:57:00.001-08:00

oh hey, it's december tomorrow. what the heck? i'm always surprised at how time passes in the blink of an eye.
and it's advent. i just got published again, this time in my grad school's advent reader. was lucky enough to be invited to write one of the entries. not too shabby.
so for the first sunday of advent, it seems that it's de rigueur to preach about waiting and anticipating and preparing. since that's what the period of advent is really for, yes? and lent, too.
and thinking lately about what i want and hope for my life, i kind of rolled my eyes at this. because i'm not good at any of those things really. i am impatient, and pessimitic and short sighted. how is it that sometimes what i think god is saying to me simultaneously the thing i need to hear the most and the last thing i want to hear? scratching my head about this.

apple-licious

2011-10-19T00:09:00.001-07:00

i know my last entry was a bit of a downer. if you are a friend that might have been worried about me, sorry 'bout that. things aint that bad. i'd say that they are pretty okay. it's more than i could say for other recent times, so that's something.

went apple picking over the past weekend with the youth group. i've taken a step back from being a volunteer this year. couldn't quit cold turkey, but i'm around mostly just on sundays. it feels right to be less involved, i've needed a bit of a break. i mean, this is the fifth year of being with the youthies. i haven't managed to be employed at one place for that long. ever.

it's been an interesting shift too. it's easy to define yourself by what you do/who you spend time with, and so on. so i find myself in a new space. not sure what kind of shape it is taking. it's disorienting and exciting at the same time. i'm not really sure what else to say about that.

back to my original story - we went apple picking, to get apples to make pies for family and neighbors to learn the practice of hospitality. i ended up with some freshmen boys in my car. as you might guess hilarity then ensued. how can it not with 14 year old boys? i know, other people might not feel this way. don't get me wrong, sometimes i want to punch them in the back of the head, but most of the time they are endearing in a overgrown puppy kind of way. they were balanced out with a junior guy and another advisor.

once we actually got to the orchard, we split up in pairs to fill boxes. me and the junior set off. after about 20 minutes, we had filled about half the box when the 2 freshmen romped into view. they were all, "heck yeah, we're almost done!" and the junior looked into their box they had set on the ground. i did too. while i tried really hard not to laugh, he said, "those aren't apples. those are really unripe persimmons." yep. they had a box full of bright green persimmons. "what? no. they taste like apples!" they insisted. yeeeeah... i have no idea where they found the persimmon trees. and persimmons only remotely resemble apples when you are comparing them to, say, pineapples. and i imagine that the taste is same comparably. i can only sigh and shake my head at this. and laugh, of course. chuckleheads.

2011-09-12T23:03:00.000-07:00

wondering when birthdays became less awesome to celebrate and more markers of failed expectations. sorry. not to be a downer. but this past birthday was probably the first one that i was excited about, mostly because i had a freakin' awesome hamburger cake and 2 pinatas. and i really did want all my friends to be there to enjoy that with me.
i'm just thinking this way because a friend has her birthday coming up and she simply said, "i thought i'd be pregnant by now." she and her husband have been trying for a while. i said, "i thought i'd not be living with my parents and maybe in a relationship by now." darn society/culture for imposing schedules on life when hardly anything really ever happens the way we had planned.

passing the peace

2011-08-22T20:20:00.000-07:00

so last sunday i went to st. andrew presbyterian church in marin city. for those not in the know, that's where anne lamott goes to church. yeah. it was kinda stalker-y. whatever.

the church i usually attend is on the medium to large side, so it was good to be in a smaller community. it's pretty much as she described in her writing. only the regular pastor was on study leave; i'd like to hear her preach sometime. my friend lauren and i went last summer in hopes of seeing both anne and pastor veronica. so cross anne off the list. it's getting to be an annual trip to for me and lauren.

we kept our groupie status under our hats, tried not to stare and paid attention to the service. lauren and i even went so far as to introduce ourselves when they invited the new people to do so, which was out of character for both of us. we got a hearty, "hello lauren, hello audrey. " then came the greeting and passing of the peace part of the service. you know: shaking hands and saying, "the peace of christ be with you." and responding "and also with you". since we were trying not to act like adoring fans, we did not approach anne. but she popped up behind me in the center aisle and gave me a strong handshake and "welcome." awesome.

sidebar: the church i attend doesn't do the passing of the peace of christ during the contemporary services (it's been a while since i've been to the more traditional one, but i don't think they do it there either). instead it's called community time. like go say hi to someone new or someone you don't know time. as a fervent introvert, i HATE community time, and usually force whatever friend i sat with to talk to me until the 3-5 minutes are over. seriously. i think i have even resorted to going to the restroom during that time, maybe just once or twice. okay. back to story.

but the pastor encouraged us to extend christ's blessing to each other in this time, and knowing that he works in us to be a blessing to each other. or something to that effect. now, THAT is something i can get behind. because then that time of greeting is more than just small talk. Jesus is in that interaction and it gets me out of my own little comfort zone. plus church is so small, that you really can greet everyone at church. (the same thing happened when i went to another friend's episcopal church a few weeks ago - that's something else i'll probably write about soon) it just went on for like 10-15 minutes. hard to do that when there's like 100 people in a service. or not i guess if you want to shape a service that way. i digress.

anyway, that's what i've been thinking about since church yesterday. peace of christ be with you.

the happiest place on earth for some people

2011-08-22T19:44:00.000-07:00

i'm on a non-profit organization mailing list and i got this today.

Beau Bonneau Casting is immediately seeking fun and fit, real families of 4 or more (Caucasian, African American, Hispanic and ethnically ambiguous) that are SF Bay Area local and enjoy amusement park rides for a Non Union Disneyland Commercial.

Only traditional nuclear families consisting of a married Mom and Dad, ages 30 – 50, with at least 2 biological kids aged 5 – 14yrs can be considered. If Grandparents are local that is a plus but not required. Must be related, camera friendly and in good physical shape. No cousins, aunts/uncles or family friends, etc.

let's start with "ethnically ambiguous" - what? i'm sorry disneyland, do you not approve of interracial marriage?
and "traditional nuclear families with a married mom and dad" - does that rule out, say, the brady bunch? seeing as how they were a blended family and all. i don't know that they ever actually admitted to being divorced on the show though. what about single parent families? never mind gay or lesbian couples with children - the horror! i bet gay or lesbian money is welcomed at the disney gates. but don't make them feel any more welcome beyond that.
"camera friendly" - no ugly people.
"in good physical shape" - no fat people.
"no cousins, aunts/uncles or family friends, etc." - it ain't the 1950's anymore. we're a ways from traditional upper middle class nuclear families these days.

how webmd just scares the hell out of you

2011-08-18T16:21:00.000-07:00

so i went to the emergency room last night.

since i am now blogging about it, you can assume that it was not all that serious. but still freaked me out pretty good.
i was just sitting on the couch and rubbing my eye absentmindedly and when i stopped, my eye felt weird. like not good weird. i looked in the mirror and it seemed there was stuff on my it. since i had had a routine eye exam that morning to update my glasses prescription, i was kind of thinking about my eyes anyway because my doctor had wanted me to go back for another appointment to get my eyes dilated to check on my retina (since i'm getting to be an old lady).

i jump on webmd of course to try to figure out what's with my eye since i wasn't in any pain besides my eye looking red and crazy and watering. it wasn't really helpful besides listing a lot of crazy things that could be wrong with my eye. i called the nurse helpline and tried to describe what was going on. she recommended some home solutions, but also if i was concerned to go to urgent care or the emergency room. since i only have 2 eyes and i kinda need both of them, even if they are crazy nearsighted, i drove to the emergency room.

on the way there, i thought to myself this figures that my mom who's a nurse would be out of town when this happened. i suppose that might have been a blessing in disguise because even if she is a nurse, she's also my mom and might have just freaked out. i also tried to calm myself down from all the worst case scenarios that go spinning through your head in these situations. i figured that since my vision hadn't changed and my eye wasn't hurting that it couldn't be that bad and even might have a bit of an entertaining time wearing an eye-patch. such is my coping strategy, people.

when i got there, it was almost 11. it didn't seem very busy, but when you tell the triage nurse that you are 0-1 on the pain scale, you are not a high priority. so i lay on the bed and watched some conan o'brien and simpsons reruns. basically what i might have done at home on the couch anyway, if i didn't have work the next day. the nurse practitioner thought maybe i had scratched my eye, or something had gotten into my eye that i had inadvertently rubbed in, even though i don't recall being bothered by anything- it just came out of nowhere. she said it looked like my eye was allergic to something, even though i don't have any allergies. her test showed that i didn't have any scratches, so then i just waited around for them to irrigate my eye. which is basically having sterile water squirted on my eyeball. it sounds terrible but actually felt really good afterward. had to go the pharmacy to get the prescription for my eyedrops and Allegra and got home at 3 am. i was partly exhausted and partly wired from the adrenaline of freaking out. and kind of hungry. i guess having a minor medical emergency works up an appetite.

needless to say, i did not make it to work today. happily my eye has now returned to a more normal appearance. i mean, for a little while there i thought i had somehow rubbed off the surface of my eye - i know that sounds physcially impossible, but it really looked like that in the mirror. yeesh.

what a wednesday/thursday.

i'm almost 70

2011-08-07T13:07:00.000-07:00

so i turned 35 last weekend. the hell? 35. three-five. 35. damn. it sounds old. fortunately, i am emotionally stunted, so i think i'm really like 27. age ain't nothing but a number, anyway.

for this birthday, i actually wanted to have a party. maybe because it fell on a saturday. or that 35 seems like a nice round number to have a party. but i also think i'm kind of settled enough here to want to have my friends around on this day. the last time i had a party was in vancouver, 6 years ago. it was kind of about time to have a shindig. so i just went for it, as you can see by the pictures.

i wanted to do something big and little kid friendly, so we hung out at the park for the afternoon. invited friends from all different friend groups which usually stresses me out, but i just decided not to sweat it this year, since all the people i know are really cool.

my friends and i have long admired the hamburger cake at this bakery in oakland. it truly is a thing to behold! when i ordered the cake, i picked vanilla cake, with chocolate butter cream filling. so it looked hamburger like inside when sliced. SO AWESOME. no other words necessary to describe this cake.

i also decided to have pinatas. why two? because one is for my grown up friends, and the other is for my kid friends. the only real difference was that i put little bottles of booze in the adult one, i forgot to buy some lottery tickets and cigars. there was also some nicer chocolate options in the grown up one. but the kid one had pop rocks and squirt guns and little shark erasers in it. mmm... pop rocks. i love shopping at the dollar store.

anyway, it was a great afternoon. if you want to see more pictures, you just have to get on facebook and check it out.

the only thing i've done consistently

2011-07-14T15:05:00.000-07:00

I got my ass kicked by a 16 year old girl the other week. If you know me at all, you’d guess I kinda had it coming, and you’d be right. I tend to practice “tough love” with the youth in that I don’t mind being sarcastic or pushing them around as a joke. One week at the beginning of youth group, another advisor went running up to a kid she hadn’t seen in a while and gave her a big hug. I turned to the kid next to me and asked her, “does it make you sad that I don’t do that for you?” she said, “no, if you did that it would be weird.” And the other kids all laughed in agreement. (sidenote: I do hug people, I just don’t do it when I know they’ll make a big deal out of it. right. So I’m not touchy feely, but you already knew that.)

Anyway, we were playing kickball, and as usual, was trying to do something to mess with people. And I accidentally ran into this girl when she was trying to get on base. When I walked over to apologize, because I did feel really bad about that, she jumped on me, sat on my stomach and pretty much had me pinned for a good 5 minutes. I was laughing at first, and then in my mind was like “crap. I can’t get out.” She was surprisingly strong and heavy for being a skinny teenager. But I kept laughing because I didn’t want it let on that I was annoyed that I was stuck. Which I was. The thing is, the kickball game just continued on around us. The kids are pretty used to my antics. She let me up after a little bit and I made a resolution to start working out again (which I have not followed through on).

Last fall, I wrote about getting into a water fight with another kid at youth group. I didn’t add to the story that a few days later on Sunday morning he nailed me in the back with a water balloon after our morning youth group meeting. I was plotting my revenge, but I saw another kid leaning out the window about to take aim with another balloon. There were little old church ladies walking around me, I had to take the boys aside and end it because no little church lady needs to be hit with a water balloon. I was pretty mad. But I realized I wasn’t mad that I got hit with a water balloon. I was mad that I could not exact my revenge and then tell the boys that the fight was over. Yes, I am mature.

I feel like I’ve lost a step or two this year in the youth ministry game. I guess that is to be expected - I keep getting older and they stay the same age (what movie is that line from? anyone?). I’ve been at this for 4 years, of which I am proud to have been a consistent presence for them. And this is the first year that I’ve volunteered while I’ve had a full-time job, which is kinda rough. Lots of Thursday evenings I wanted to just go home and watch parks & recreation instead of go to youth group. And as this year’s crop of seniors agonized over where they would go to college, I wanted to yell, “Omygod, just pick one!” So, yeah, that was a new experience for me.

I’ve decided to take a step back from volunteering this coming year. And I’m kind of excited about the break. Of course, the first Thursday of the summer program, I ended up at youth group somehow. Reflex, I guess. I don’t know, while I do think I need the break, I do know that hanging out with these guys, well, makes me more fun somehow. I mean, they’ve provided plenty of fodder for the blog (usually at my expense, but I welcome it) – what the hell am I going to write about now? Books? Philosophizing? What i ate for lunch? Online dating? All good options, but they don’t really get me going story-telling-wise, like good old-fashioned human interaction does. Blog aside (I mean, I barely ever write on this thing anyway), it does my soul good to be around these kids and support them through adolescence. I mean, if you survive those years, you pretty much can survive anything right?

all my favorite people

2011-06-29T11:21:00.000-07:00

discovered this song earlier this week. it's been on heavy rotation since and it kinda gets me choked up every time.

Lyrics:

All my favorite people are broken
Believe me, my heart should know
Some prayers are better left unspoken
I just want to hold you and let the rest go

All my friends are part saint and part sinner
We lean on each other, try to rise above
We are not afraid to admit we are all still beginners
We are all late bloomers when it comes to love

All my favorite people are broken
Believe me, my heart should know
Awful believers, skeptical dreamers, step forward
You can stay right here, you don’t have to go

Is each wound you’ve received just a burdensome gift
It gets so hard to lift yourself up off the ground
But the poet says we must praise a mutilated world
We’re all working the graveyard shift
You might as well sing along

Cause all my favorite people are broken
Believe me, my heart should know
As for your tender heart, this world’s going to rip it wide open,
It aint gonna be pretty, but you’re not alone

All my favorite people are broken
Believe me, my heart should know
Awful believers, skeptical dreamers, you’re welcome
Yeah, you’re safe right here, you don’t have to go

Cause all my favorite people are broken
Believe me, I should know
Some prayers are better left unspoken
I just want to hold you and let the rest go

love language

2011-05-31T21:28:00.000-07:00

so i was at our all church conference this past weekend in the santa cruz mountains. i spent it, as i always have, in the youth dorm with the high schoolers. a) i get to go for free which is the only way i can afford it, and b) they are fun, if exhausting. the conference is a good intergenerational community time.

during one of the main sessions, there was a short period of sharing where a third grade boy had decided that he wanted to get baptized while at the conference. so our youth pastor was up there in front of a few hundred people with this kid, who i'll call sean. as the two of them approached the stage, this fifth grader boy in the row behind me loudly whispered to an adult advisor, "that kid sean is a DORK." the advisor was all, "hey, come on now..." but the boy persisted, "no, sean is REALLY a DORK." at this point i had already had heard enough, turned around, and whispered, "YOU'RE a dork." and then turned around again. the boy clammed up a bit, or at least backed off calling him names, and the advisor cracked up.

it was a purely reflexive reaction. i sat there, first pleased with myself, then felt a little bit guilty about not being a little bit more mature, and then shrugged that off because i made my point succinctly. i mean, WE'RE ALL DORKS. no one has more or less of a right to be at church or in the family of God than anyone else. and when someone tries to pretend that is the case, well that's just like waving a red flag in front of me. me being an angry bull, in this situation.

a magical animal

2011-04-26T21:37:00.000-07:00

i forgot to add this in my post yesterday, but why do we eat ham on easter? i know for a lot of people easter is a big family holiday, but i tend to keep to myself on that day and reflect. a few kids i saw at church were pumped to go eat a nice easter ham with their families. is it basically the most anti-jewish dish to eat? one final extra super non-kosher dig? and then wash it down nice glass of milk. seriously.

mutually assured destruction

2011-04-25T22:04:00.000-07:00

well i stuck all the phone books on my colleague's desk. i believe the grand total was 10. our office environment is so staid, that i find it absolutely necessary to do things like this - which includes carrying 6 of the aforementioned phone books to work in a duffle bag and my back pack to work. i was kind of sweaty that morning. i am deeply committed to the pranking craft. or i'm just a huge dork. you decide. hint: the answer is both. last friday the books were stacked back neatly by my desk, and my hard drive was hidden away behind them. well played.

.1% of the work week successfuly frittered away through the hijinks. 78% of the work week is frittered away by facebook and twitter. 12% of the work week is spent on the baby bald eagle cam. and 5% is on the shiba inu puppy cam (scroll to the bottom). and 3.9% is spent emailing my friend who sits at the desk 4 feet away from me or throwing wads of paper at her or leaving work early on fridays to go to happy hour. and 1% on actual work. (full disclosure: it took me a shamefully long time to get those percentages to actually add up to 100. and in case my boss checks this, these numbers are totally wrong) although i have to also add that being on facebook and twitter is really part of my job. oh, social media. and since the eagle cam and dog cam were found on twitter, those are tenuously work-related. as are the emails to my friend since 1 out of every 200 emails is actually work-related.

maybe the next time i write on the blog, it'll be about stuff that happens outside of work. but i spend most of that time sleeping.

bringing out the big guns

2011-04-07T22:48:00.000-07:00

today my coworker finally asked me if i had been putting phone books on his desk. time to collect a bunch over the weekend and put them all on his desk at once for him to find on monday. restraint be damned.

back to the same ol' same ol'

2011-04-05T20:51:00.000-07:00

so i survived that 13.1 miles last week in case you were wondering. it went all right. i did exactly what i thought i could do with the amount to training i'd done, so i'm happy with that. i also know that i can do a lot better than that, so i probably will be whining about doing another half marathon again on this blog soon. i did the marathon in 2:21 and i would love love love to break 2 hours. a modest goal i think. then i can really go back to being a slob again.

actually, i'd probably run this race (www.oaklandrunningfestival.com) again too, for a variety of reasons. the organizers did a fabulous job with the whole event, from the pre-race expo, to the event itself and afterward (beer coupons). thumbs up for that. and thumbs up for the city of oakland - it's a city that gets a bad rap, and it was great to see all sorts of people turn out to cheer us on, from japanese taiko drummers, to hardcore oakland a's and raiders fans, to the arty metalwork organization putting a cool metal arch with real flames coming out of the top on the course for us to run through. loved it.

getting to work again was only slightly difficult. i took the day off work after the race and hobbled around. our office is on the second floor with no elevator, but tuesday was the only real slow day up the stairs. on thursday i was up to my old tricks (see previous entry concerning filling mug full of jello at work). one of the guys i work with is our green business consultant. meaning he consults with small businesses and helps them become more environmentally responsible, and it saves them a lot of money, to boot. anyway, last week, he was talking about supporting san francisco's plan to stop printing the yellow pages. because that's a hell of a lot of paper. on thursday, our building got 5 phone books - even though there are only 2 offices in the building. i immediately grabbed all of them and hid them next to my desk. at my friend's suggestion, i have been putting one phone book somewhere on his desk each day since then. my original instinct was to put all of them on there at once in different places. but this at least stretches out the amusement. i'm not used to practicing this kind of restraint. we are now tempted to go around the city and grab more of them, perhaps maybe walling in his cubicle - that's just a pipe dream. but would be really amazing! i thought maybe since i got this office job i would act more "grown-up" (whatever that means). i am pleased to report that this is not the case.

13.1

2011-03-26T21:01:00.000-07:00

chilling at my brother's apartment the night before the half. these past 3 months have gone by pretty fast. also kind of boggles my mind that when i started this blog, i was doing my first half marathon, and that was almost 6 1/2 years ago! eek.

kind of nervous about tomorrow since, as i have thoroughly complained about myself on the blog, i haven't gotten to train all that consistently as i would have liked. ah well, i'm relying on adrenaline and sheer stubbornness to get me through. to finish is to win right? i'm also going to have 30 of those energy goo things and i'll be fine. and i'll be thinking about those ice cold "free" beers that i have coupons there on my bib. let's be realistic - they'll probably be foamy and lukewarm but they'll also taste pretty damn good after 13.1 miles. wish me luck, eh?

2011-03-17T22:45:00.001-07:00

my back still hurts. i am displeased.

blah

2011-03-15T21:19:00.000-07:00

i know i wrote earlier that i'd try to blog every day for lent. obviously, that hasn't happened. you shouldn't believe everything you read.

i don't know why it is that i haven't feel the urge to write stuff, well, at all in a long long time. i'm not sure if i've gotten more boring, or less observant. the more kind option my friend pointed out is that i have become less introspective. which is true, since i've been out of the great mind effer that is theology school for almost 4 years now. sometimes i miss that. but mostly i miss living with some great friends, and down the street from more great friends. those were the days.

i suppose i can also blame facebook for the blog decline. it's just easier/faster/blablabla to post short funny stuff on facebook that i'd normally put on this here blog. exhibit a, at left: my brother in san diego wandered into a used bookstore and see "me" on a children's book cover. apparently i look like a fictional 12 year-old laotian girl named vatsana. man, this picture still makes me laugh every time. i have to say that it is a strikingly accurate portrayal of how i look when i am confused. i wish i could get book royalties from this.

for those keeping track at home, the half marathon is in a week and a half. i tweaked my back somehow at some point last night and spent most of the day sitting at my desk in pain. not so fun. should be all good in a day or two, fingers crossed. even though i didn't train super consistently i still spent a fair amount of time getting ready for this. am now on a strict regimen of icy hot, cold pack, and heating pad, and stretching. not all at the same time.

blankety blank

2011-03-07T21:12:00.000-08:00

time's been flying pretty fast it seems. it's already march, and it's even lame daylight savings time this weekend. yet when i sit down to blog, i usually draw a blank on what to write. it concerns me a bit - i'd rather not sleepwalk through life, and hopefully i don't look as zombie-fied as some people do during my morning commute on the BART train. it's easy to get wrapped up in my own head and not notice what's around me. my brother got me an ipod touch for christmas, so i try to take pictures of things that grab my attention. it's been a helpful discipline to try to notice things.

one rainy morning last week. i know i shouldn't have been taking picture while driving but i like to live dangerously. and it was a pretty sweet rainbow.

this here is a skateboarding bulldog. definitely not something you see everyday. he and his owner showed up by city hall during my lunch break. everyone was so delighted to watch this dog run around with one paw on the board; he never did hop up on it. as i headed back to the office, the two of them ran by down the sidewalk - it was pretty great to see all the bystanders react to the sight of the two of them it's not often that the city bustle pauses. i'm not sure who was getting more exercise, the dog or his owner, who was pretty bullish himself. man, i want a dog.

yesterday was my longest training run yet for the half marathon. did roughly 10 miles, on the official course. i was slooow, but i liked getting a chance to familiarize myself with the scenery, and to do a long run with people. i've done all the running by myself so far - the kids on training wheels keeping the same pace as me while i'm running in golden gate park doesn't count. and not all that motivating. but handling the 10 miles (in the rain, no less, which makes me feel kind of hardcore. well, what passes for hardcore for me these days) gave me the boost of motivation to get through these last weeks of training. and then afterward, i ate one of these:
a fat root beer float from fenton's, after i consumed their famous crab salad sandwich with a side of curly fries. i'd been thinking about eating lunch after mile 1 that morning. so excellent.

probably going to throw another one of these down on fat tuesday. which is then followed by ash wednesday. followed by lent. i think this year, i'll try to write on the blog every day again. we'll see. i just like to tease all 3 of my readers.

light bulb

2011-02-28T22:44:00.000-08:00

much like new years resolutions, the blogging has fallen by the wayside. the running has been semi-consistent at least. race day in 27 days.

spent dead prez weekend in lake tahoe with a bunch of high schoolers. i haven't seen that much snow in a long time. maybe when i was in college and had to climb over a snow bank to get to my dorm when i got back from winter break. out of the 4 years in dc, i never had a stinkin' snow day to get out of class. i still feel gypped. anyway, the snow was pretty sweet. wait, after about 20 minutes of floundering around in thigh-high powder, i realized that i'm not all that hot on snow.

other than that, there was a lot of good lounging and laughing. this is the first time i've really done youth ministry while actually having another job. yeah, it took long enough. i'm still adjusting and figuring out what my life looks like with a 9-5 gig. because i've managed to avoid a job with that schedule, well, pretty much my entire post-college life. i'm thinking that's why i felt like such a geezer on the trip. or maybe i actually am getting closer to being a geezer. seriously, like next week, i'll be shaking my fist telling those damn kids to get off my lawn.
actual conversation:
kids are getting ready to head down to the beach for the annual jump into lake tahoe.
in february. (yeah, it's cold. lots of screaming involved).
me: is that what you guys are wearing down there? you need to wear jackets.
2 girls are dressed in shorts flip flops and t-shirts. one is wearing a hoodie. she gestures at her hoodie, while the other one stares at me blankly.
me: you guys it's really windy out there. you guys need to wear a windproof jacket. the hoodie won't help you after you get out.
more blank looks.awkward silence
me: why are you still standing in front of me? go get your jackets.
3-5 more seconds of blank looks. more awkward silence
girl 1: .... i think i'll go put my jacket on...
girl 2: yeah that sounds good, i'll go with you.

me, as they walk away: yeah, way to come up with that idea on your own guys.
other kids laugh.

this might have been the trip where i've sounded most like a mom. sigh.

there's always room for jello

2011-02-04T23:54:00.000-08:00

the other day a friend commented that she enjoyed it when i tagged along at various youth group meetings and trips. she said that i added "zest" to those times. to which i responded, "so I'm like mrs. dash?" and the answers is yes, folks. i am a social mrs. dash. this may be an actual personal characteristic, but there have been times in my life when i have felt less than zesty - so it is nice to actually feel and be this way. i'm not sure that sentence made any sense, but i have a regular job now that makes me lose brain power when i get home in the evening.

anyway, this past wednesday i was left largely alone at the office. people had class, or worked from home, what have you. which was kind of demotivating, but fortunately, i can be creative when left to my own devices. see, this here is my friend's favorite mug for tea. she drinks about 359 cups of tea per day out of it. i had to bide my time until i could get my hands on the mug, and had the box of jello mix in my backpack for a few weeks.

i think my friend herself gave me the idea, when she told me how jim encased dwight's phone in jello in an episode of the office. i suppose you could say that i harass her a bit because i regularly throw wads of paper at her, and once also hid this same mug in my desk one morning before she made her tea. it's all in good fun. well, for me, anyway. i have an impeccable sense of professionalism and decor. actually you should just never turn your back on me.

the jello set over night, and i missed the whole reaction in the morning since i got to the office a little late. that's okay though, it was totally worth it. as you can see, i was quite pleased with myself. wouldn't you like me for a colleague? waiting for retaliation.

hm.

2011-02-01T15:44:00.001-08:00

It’s hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness.

Chuck Palahnuik

one of the best days ever

2011-01-29T15:10:00.000-08:00

so i thought maybe i'd catch up on things on this here blog. if anything, i kinda miss writing and i'm mighty out of practice. just for kicks, you know? anyway, i figured i should elaborate further on the day i got a employed.

the only entry i'd written in october was how annoyed/discouraged i was about the job search. and it continued like that for a few more weeks. i was pretty discouraged that i'd have to go find another coffee monkey gig to scrape by. out of the blue, i got a phone call from where i'd been volunteering about a full-time opportunity.

I went in for my "interview" which was kind of a foregone conclusion since i had already been there volunteering for several months. so i walked out with a job, and since it was rush hour in the city, i walked over to the civic center to watch the big screen telecast of game five of the world series to kill time until i could drive home. it was one of those rare amazing nights in the city when the sky was clear and you didn't need a jacket.

the game zoomed by because tim lincecum is amazing. it became apparent that this was the giants' night. i wasn't going to leave for home, not when victory was at hand. i decided to treat myself to dinner (because, what the hell - i had an income again!) at sam's chowdermobile, one of the handful of food trucks making a killing at the game. while i was standing in line with a good view of the screen, the giants scored their 3 runs. complete bedlam ensued, and i was high fiving all the people around me. i relaxed on the grass with my lobster roll, old bay fries and coke. a beer would have been nice, but no alcohol was permitted at the civic center plaza (which turned out to actually just be BYOB). have you ever had a lobster roll? man. a tasty bread roll, filled with lobster meat, and melted butter. i guess there's other spice too, but really, they had me at melted butter. and anything with old bay takes me back to when i lived in dc, with the tasty maryland blue crab.

then brian wilson shut the rangers down, more bedlam, more high fiving and then suddenly everyone around me was holding booze that i think they had been too nervous to be drinking until the giants won. i don't know if i had ever seen that much concentrated exuberance before. wait, in college, my school upset the number 1 ranked basketball team in the country, while prez. clinton (man that was a long time ago) was in attendance and the game was televised on ESPN. we rushed the court. so, the giants win was like that, but multiplied by 1000. what a day! this here picture of big time timmy tim encapsulated how i was feeling too.

whuh?

2011-01-26T18:43:00.000-08:00

ok, so it's almost freakin' february. join me in head spinning.

i have to (semi-)publicly (because how many people are reading this anyway) confess that the half-marathon training isn't going all that great. i have yet to settle into a real routine with this. i'm also not totally thrilled that i'm a little bit more rickety-feeling since i last trained for a half. but i'm plugging along. hopefully i'll be injury-free and still do this thing.

brain dead entry. sorry. it's wednesday.

oh-eleven, now with more narcissism

2011-01-05T21:38:00.000-08:00

so in one of those misguided energy bursts that come in with the new year, i am trying to blog. the key here, as with new year's resolutions, is to have low expectations. it's a proven strategy.

anyway, another misguided energy burst caused me to sign up for a half-marathon at the end of march. there. i put it out there so i can't back out. i really liked my last (also my first) half marathon which was in victoria, back in '04. which i blogged about - and i can't believe i've been a blog nerd for that long. back then, i would write papers all day in the library, or do the barista thing and then spend the long amazing vancouver summer afternoon/evening running along the beach and woods. man, i miss vancouver.

so now i'm trying to do that with a full time job and in the cold san francisco winter. don't scoff at me, you northerners. it's really frickin' cold in the morning. and it's the morning. as if i need more reasons not to run. i've also been mostly sedentary for the last few years. that last part is actually motivation, because i can tell my metabolism is slowing down. LAME. i can remember what it was like to be in shape. and i have to work harder for it now.

i know ya'll are on the edge of your seats, so check back to hear me whine some more about a) running, b) getting up early, c) ke$ha. seriously who likes her? she has no talent.

well, well, well

2010-12-31T17:09:00.000-08:00

well hello there. it's been a while. thought i'd offer up a final comment on 2010 in the last few hours of this year.

so i got myself a job. what? yeah, that's right. gainful employment. a regular paycheck is blowing my mind. as is medical/dental insurance. and a regular commute/schedule. so it's good. i like it. perhaps i'll get to move out of my parents' house this year. we'll see. i'm curious to see what kind of shape my life will take now, after being in a kind of limbo for a while. a long while. i'm better for it though.

anyway, off to ring in the new year - once at 9, east-coast kid friendly style with my friends with rugrats and then again at midnight with the swingin' younger pals. more bang for my buck that way. hah. all the best to my 3 readers out there. hope 2011 is a good one for all!

shot in the arm

2010-10-04T16:37:00.000-07:00

totally frustrated by the job search process today. which makes it difficult, if not impossible, to keep on writing cover letters and resumes when there is no response from any places i have applied. and i don't feel like i am actually qualified to do anything - which i know is not true. but is sure easy to believe that today.

ugh. ugh x100.

sitting.

2010-09-22T12:37:00.001-07:00

last week: took care of 2 very old, very smelly pugs, in a somewhat sketchy neighborhood. how sketchy? the front door had one of those super heavy iron front doors with 2 deadbolts on it. then the regular front door with 1 deadbolt. the first time i got there it took me like 5 minutes to get inside. the aged alien-life-form pugs did not provide additional security. however: dishTV & internet.

this week: one aged collie/lab mix, and two little birds. house in a safe neighborhood, but also in the boonies. only 3 tv channels available: PBS, the christian channel, and one of those minor channels that has reruns of other shows and is mostly paid advertising. no internet. thus, i am at starbucks. a lot. it's only wednesday and i feel like i've been here for a week. living in someone else's clutter is agitating. i find my attachment to technology to be more than a little bit humbling.

ready to be at home again.

escalating a situation

2010-09-09T23:41:00.000-07:00

i got hit in the neck with a water balloon tonight. from a distance of five feet. oh, youth group. it started with tossing cushions around the youth room earlier in the evening.

of course, i had started the whole thing. he was on his ipod, so i had to hit him while he was in his own world. we call that "reaching out." then he tried to hit me with a larger pillow. at this point i explained to this kid the economics of youth and youth staff interaction. see... i'm not even when i get even. i get even, and then i get them back again -- that's when we're "even."

i'm fairly sure that these are the very words my own youth group leader used when a few of us were messing around. of course, my own high school youth group was fairly violent - a friend of mine was so terrified of the guys' wedgie wars that he perforated the waist band of his underwear so that it would come off more easily and spare him a great deal of pain. sometimes i'm so glad i'm a girl.

in spite of my warning, he apparently stalked me for most of the evening with a water balloon. somehow i refrained from spouting off some serious curse words in front of all the kids and parents milling around after youth group, because it freakin' hurt. i chased him, because i was fully prepared to commit to a flying tackle on cement to exact revenge. another dad grabbed him for me, but i decided that an adult woman giving a freshman boy a wedgie would be inappropriate. i noticed that i still had a full nalgene bottle of water in my backpack, so as he walked back to his dad's car, i followed him and got him full in the face with the entire 32 oz. of said bottle. WRECKED. and now we're even. and that is effective youth ministry work, folks.

an american classic

2010-09-08T13:06:00.001-07:00

CIMG3642
Originally uploaded by permanently scatterbrained

they went to disneyland, and all i got was this matching t-shirt. an awesome matching t-shirt. a moment of silence for the memory of the king of pop.

new style american blogger

2010-06-11T19:02:00.000-07:00

saw there was a new feature on blogger and thought i'd try it out. thoughts?

i slept for 13 hours last night (my friends with children are rolling their eyes). still working like a dog. switching it up though, so the schedule will be more flexible and i'll be doing things that are a little more fun, but still basically working like a dog. still making up for that year or so i was unemployed. having an income is good. finding that being a bigger person in a situation to be a little bit overrated right now. and that's life as we know it.

the way of the dodo

2010-06-09T20:38:00.000-07:00

Giving two week's notice when you are leaving a job - the courteous/professional thing to do, or just something that doesn't matter anymore, like wearing white shoes after labor day? just curious as to anyone's opinion

sold my soul for rock and/or roll

2010-06-04T00:11:00.000-07:00

tomorrow - well, today, since it's after midnight - is a real honest to goodness day off in a really long time. like at least a month or so. dental surgery doesn't count because i had to get a freakin tooth pulled out of my jaw, although it was a period of enforced rest that was full of drugs and ice cream. technically, i don't work on sunday at either of my jobs but. sometimes going to church exhausts me (and feels like another job even after i stopped working at the church).

i feel like i've forgotten how to rest. besides falling asleep with my book in my hands and my contacts still in and the lights still on. it's been a bit of survival mode over the past few months. and i've been down this road before. and farther on down in ain't pretty. i catch myself short on patience with others and myself. i let slights or grudges fester. i am a faster and harsher judge. i am cranky. and i don't like being that way.

hoping for rest and refreshment. craving encouragement and laughs. desiring to regain wonder and imagination.

this guy

2010-06-01T17:30:00.000-07:00

in keeping with my last post related to anonymous relationship set-up over text, i figured i should relate this story...

last week, i tried the vietnamese restaurant down the street from my internship. since my dental surgery, i have developed a craving for pho, the tasty soup dish. the restaurant was mostly empty, save for one large party on one side of the dining area. when the host said i could sit anywhere i liked, i picked the closest small table. it was next to another table with a newspaper on it, but it looked like that person had left and just left the paper there.

i space out while waiting for my food, texting friends or something, when i hear, "oh, hello." i look up and it's an older man in a SF parking enforcement uniform. "um... hi," i say. you readers in blogland know how much i love small talk.

he sits down and unfolds his paper, smiling and saying, "well, if you have any questions about sf parking, now's the time to ask!"

in my mind: "... is that a pick up line? i'm confused." after pausing, i end up saying, "well it's not san francisco i really have a beef with about parking, it's oakland's parking enforcement." which is true - i get more parking tickets than i should in that city, i think they are just trying to keep the city from going broke. what i'd really like to have said was: "wow, has that line really worked with the ladies? it must be the uniform." he chuckles awkwardly and goes back to reading his paper, and i dig into my meal.

whuh?

2010-05-26T23:00:00.000-07:00

so about 2 weeks ago, i get a text from a local number i don't recognize: "i think i found a man for you. he can cook."

my response: who is this?

stranger: "his name is jason and you guys would go great together!"

me: ok. but who is this?

stranger response: "and he's got a great stable job and enjoys trying new restaurants."

me: you are creeping me out.

the next morning,
weirdo: so you don't want to meet him?

me: i'll think about it, but tell me who you are first.

no response.

somewhere, someone i vaguely know is probably amused. i'm just somewhat perplexed.

interlude

2010-05-20T12:28:00.000-07:00

hello friends.

no, i haven't quit blogging. i've just been super busy working as a coffee monkey and also as an unpaid intern monkey. the other day my alarm went off and i couldn't remember what day it was or where i was supposed to be. it came back to me after a minute, but i don't think i've had that sensation before. it's tough, but i like my internship, and it's a good different mix from the coffee shop. it looks like my schedule will clear up a little bit soon. because i could use the break.

speaking of breaks, a filling in my tooth broke a while back and i ended up having to get it extracted and a dental implant put in. that all went down yesterday, and i was SO EXCITED to have a few days of laying around. never mind that it was at the expense of my tooth and wallet. kinda sad, eh? in any case, i enjoyed watching law and order criminal intent reruns and eating yogurt. though i'd kill for a cheeseburger right now. the bro and i are about to run to whole foods for an order of mashed potatoes. woo soft food. getting your tooth pulled: best diet ever. not really.

2010-05-17T15:16:00.000-07:00

poof! disappeared.

2010-04-02T10:56:00.000-07:00

Jesus Jesus, precious Jesus, O for grace to trust him more!

maundy thursday

2010-03-31T23:34:00.000-07:00

so, in spite of the awkwardness of my last entry, i have been asked to read some scripture for this thursday's service. technically, i am part of the "drama team" though it is more reading than acting. thank goodness. because usually anything "drama"-related to church is pretty cheesy. this isn't so much. well, my part anyway. i'm just a narrator.

this will probably be the first and last time i am part of a "drama team."

picture this...

2010-03-22T21:44:00.000-07:00

i was asked to read scripture for last week's service. i've done it before, so now my palms don't get as sweaty from nerves. usually the scripture reader has their own mic, but this time i had to use the same mic as one of the singers. she, of course, is a taller than me.

i lower the mic towards me without incident, and i announce the scripture passage for that morning. then i realize that the music stand is actually directly in front of my face, between me and the congregation. i pause and lower it. so what you hear me say is something like this...

"today's scripture reading is John 15:1-12."
(pause to move stand down)

"now i can see all of you..."
(brief pause again)

"... uh, that wasn't part of it."

chuckles all around.
"ok, this is really it now... " read actual passage.

why am i so awkward? why do i enjoy it so much?

bleh

2010-03-08T21:17:00.000-08:00

sorry pals. life has been the same old routine. oh, i also got named COFFEE MONKEY of the month (february). i'm such a good little monkey. would you like an extra shot in that latte today?

21 jump street

2010-02-22T22:36:00.000-08:00

conversation at work:
me: well, guess how old i am. i won't be offended.
co-worker: 19?

2010-02-16T14:14:00.001-08:00

what to do for lent? hmmmmmm...

oh, you

2010-02-15T20:32:00.000-08:00

i volunteered at the dining room today. because of my part-time job (more on that in a sec), i try to go when i can. there are usually groups of high school kids volunteering as part of their religion class (if they go to a catholic school) or just community service (godless public schools. i kid, i kid). i like seeing how they interact with the people who eat in the dining room.

this one kid has several golden quotes, as he is one of those loudmouth types that just says whatever is on his mind. i alternated between laughing to myself and wanting to turn around and punch him in the face.
1. he spotted a cute girl in line for lunch and then proceeded to tell his friend the life he envisioned she had. "i bet she's 18 or 19, 20 at the most. she just likes living life and coming down here, and bring her friends too. she just likes living life and then is going to college in the fall. bla bla bla."
2. he looks around at the people lined up for lunch and declares, "you know i feel bad for them and all, but it's THEIR OWN FAULT." referring to the low-income/homeless situation they were in. i almost turned around and gave him an earful, but i realized that wouldn't change his mind. i probably also thought the same thing when i was his age, i just kept it to myself.
3. "MAN, WHAT TIME IS IT?" his friend points to the clock on the wall. "MAN, I CAN'T READ THAT!" he pulls his cell phone out of his pocket to get the time. i really hope he was joking on that one but i'm not sure.

when i was bussing tables, some airborne eggplant landed in my tray. i looked up and realized that an old lady at other end of the table had flung her undesired side dish my way. i thought that was kind of rude and got out of dodge before i became an eggplant backboard. i heard splat as i walked away, when i turned around i saw that he had just strewn the rest of the eggplant across the table. go figure.

anyway, not a whole lot else happening. just the regular stuff in life i guess. for me a walk on the wild side consists of wearing weird socks with my work uniform. socks are the only part of my work wear that are not specifically declared to be black. no one can see them since i am wearing long pants and standing behind a counter, but it makes me happy. i'm such a dork.

the rigamarole

2010-02-11T17:53:00.000-08:00

slacker blogger, that's me!

i also know you have been on the edge of your seats wondering what i would write about next. my blog gets more hits when i don't write than when i actually do put up an entry. i don't know what that means, really.

annual super bowl/karaoke weekend with my brother and his buddies.
my songs:
greatest love of all by whitney houston
time after time by cyndi lauper
lucky by britney spears
what's my age again? by blink 182

good times.

speaking of faith

2010-01-26T02:30:00.001-08:00

back in december, i was asked to become a deacon at my church. i was honored by the invitation, and accepted. while this brings my number of church-related activities to a somewhat concerning level, i am intrigued by the chance to serve others in a different way than i have before. and it falls in line with my intention of being with people at church outside of my own peer group (frankly, i find the people outside of my peer group a lot more interesting. there are exceptions, of course.)

so i get voted in at our annual general meeting in a few weeks. i had to write a statement of faith, and true to procrastination form, i just finished writing it - it was due earlier today. make the assignment 12 pages longer and throw in a late night run to 7-11 to mail it in, and it's just like regent days all over again. man, that makes me kind of want some of those 25 cent gummy candies you could pick and choose. or some all-dressed potato chips.

if you are so inclined, you can read what i wrote below. or you can just skip farther down and watch that chris farley el nino video in that last entry, because that still makes me laugh every time i see it.

I believe in the fellowship of the Trinity of God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. We have been invited into this fellowship; we were made for this. I believe that we chose to live our own way, and broke this relationship through sin.

I believe that God has never given up on us. He relentlessly pursues us with his love and grace. I believe that he has created everything in this world, and thus all is sacred, even in its ordinary-ness. I believe that he has passed this creative spirit on to us, as we bear his image, and we are intended to play a role in the inbreaking of His kingdom.

I believe in the incarnation of Jesus, in his humanity and divinity. I believe that he laughed, and that he cried. God sent him to restore creation and bring reconciliation. I believe that this has happened and is happening. I believe that heaven is coming here.

I believe in the everyday empowering work of the Holy Spirit. She is the great comforter and counselor, interceding for us with groans that words cannot express.

I believe that we, the church, are a broken people that are grieved by what grieves God. We are called to mourn with those who mourn and rejoice with those who rejoice. I believe in breaking bread together, and that our vocation is to practice hospitality and generosity and to remember what it means to be human.

I only wanted to see you laughing in the purple rain. puuuuuurple raaaaaaiiiin, puuuuuurple raaaaaaiiiin...

2010-01-20T16:36:00.000-08:00

currently in rain-pocalypse '10 in california. thunder and lightning, oh my! it's an el nino year.

unlike other native californians, i find myself rather cheered by the rain. it reminds me of summers in dc, when i would get stuck in rainstorms whenever i had to go somewhere on my bike, and i'd wonder if i'd get hit by lightning. if i did, would the tires on my bike have grounded me? i don't know how that conductivity stuff works. if only i'd been an electrician, then a) i'd know and b) wouldn't be so hard up for cash.

where was i? the rain also reminds me of vancouver. and thinking of vancouver always makes me happy. i remember the first extended rain spell when i first moved up there lasted for 4 days or so. when the rain stopped, i wanted to run down the street out of happiness. then i got used to it, though i couldn't really shake the feeling of living underwater sometimes. and there was no cheery dance number involving a singing crab and dancing fish and calypso rhythms. if only...

missed connection

2010-01-19T15:37:00.000-08:00

you: creative facial hair, nice smile, make an impeccable latte. me: armed with laptop and over-caffeinated. is it you or the coffee giving me jitters?

even if i am a barista again, i still spend a good amount of time in coffee shops. i focus better with a bit of hustle and bustle around me. it's good to see all the other people on their computers scraping the internet for a job. and, i've just realized, i also check out the male baristas. (full disclosure: though i am in a coffee shop right now, i am not typing this and staring at some guy. that would be creepy) hey, i'm no cougar (though i am of an age where could technically be one - hello college boys!), but i guess the scenery gets to me? hahaha! i think i just like men that are into creating a hospitable place. i guess. i don't really know. oh, and i really dig the tattoos.

music flashback

2010-01-14T12:06:00.000-08:00

just another opportunity to date myself and be an old fogey on a porch talking about the good ol' days before mp3s.

first tape ever owned: my parents bought me and my brother "thriller" by michael jackson and "color by numbers" by the culture club. i think a few months later, i unraveled the culture club tape because it was fun.

last tape bought: "electric youth" by debbie gibson. this did not happen in the 80's but about 4 years ago for 50 cents at a thrift store and given immediately to my friend rochelle. as far as i know, she played it once, and our friend margo almost ripped off her ears while we listened to it.

favorite tape: "nevermind" by nirvana. "smells like teen spirit" was a high school anthem. though i had no idea what i had to be so angry about. ah teen angst.

first cd: "dookie" by green day. an xmas present from my brother. i was confused by this until i opened the next present from my parents which was a discman. in the era where it had to be completely stationary and flat so that it wouldn't skip. still a pretty kick ass cd.

cd i regret buying: "cracked rear view" by hootie and the blowfish. i'm sure there are others, but this is the first one i thought of. in college, i also thought going to TGI Friday's was really fun. i also thought rusted root was going to be the next big band. then i realized being stoned helped listening to jam bands. not that i was ever stoned. no, really.

last cd bought: "volume 1" by she & him. i sort of love and hate zooey deschanel. she's cute and fun and a good singer. but really? her multiple talents make me jealous. anyway, it's a fun cd. volume 2 comes out in a few months.

weigh in: i've had this dilemma for a while - buy a song from itunes and thus don't contribute to the whole enviromental waste mess and maybe being more "green" (this is questionable); or buy the album from your local indie music store? i have usually opted for the later, but was wondering what people thought.

money don't get everything it's true

2010-01-10T19:26:00.000-08:00

well, it's been almost a month of wage slavery. it ain't bad. i mean, it could be better, but it could also be worse. i have some semblance of a schedule again, and i actually am tired out at the end of the day (but not too tired to play video games...).

even though i'm not making much, i already sense a shift in me and my money attitude. while jobless, my choices were limited. i used what little money i had for necessities (excluding my weakness for books); at the same time it was pretty liberating. i didn't care to shop, and didn't need to. now that i have a little influx of cash, i already find my eye wandering to purchasing things i think i "need", even when i already have other things like health insurance and dental care and car care and all that other grown up crap to worry about. money is indeed a master. i am trying to resist.

in other news: go get yourself a copy of the book thief by Markus Zusak. it's technically children's literature, but a good story is for everyone. and this is indeed a good story. some turns of phrase made me stop and say "wow." and i was incredibly moved by events in the story. it's haunting and beautiful. this is one purchase i definitely don't regret.

enchanted fairy land

2010-01-02T00:12:00.000-08:00

well, happy freakin' new year!

my new employed lifestyle choice has me getting up pretty early in the morning, so i did not celebrate the new year with all the bells and whistles usually involved. did that mean i went to bed early? no. for the second year in a row, my brothers got me the video game call of duty for the xbox. a new and more realistically violent edition every year! i am somewhat ashamed of this inexplicable addiction to this game.

seriously, i'd consider myself a pacifist, except for when teenagers need a good hard punch on the arm. at the very least, it is fun to play with my brothers. back to my original point, i rang in the new year and the first two hours of 2010 by shooting russians and yelling at a tv screen. that's right. i played video games until 2 am. and then rolled to work on 5 hours of sleep. it's a good thing there's a lot of caffeine there. and that everyone else was too wrecked to start shopping in the morning.

i've realized that malls and major department stores are kind of like disneyland. the appearance and atmosphere are under tight control. music is piped in. everything is super shiny and clean. the fake street-like pathways to take in all the sights. fake greenery. and everyone working is dressed to the nines, happy to see you and ready to respond to your every whim. it is surreal. and after a while, overstimulating. most of the time, after i am done working, i am seized by an unstoppable urge to take a nap.

since the mall area i work at is outdoors, the disney atmosphere is even more apropos. i've noticed the custodial people constantly sweeping the walkways of leaves and other trash, but i don't think anyone shopping even sees them. i also think the average age for the custodians is 65 years old. it makes my heart hurt. they remind me of the elderly people i see in the dining room for every week, people who have to work too freakin' hard just to get some food on the table. while i serve up java to an impeccably dressed man that proudly proclams he hasn't worked since 1968. TMI because i had just asked him if he was a store employee (for the discount on his beverage). i think he was bullshitting me, but still. there are also plenty of other customers that are bigger douchebags than he is. it's easy to guess who i'd rather spend time with.

the other day a homeless man said hi to me when i was in my car stopped at a red light. he started to tell me a joke about three strings that walk into a bar, but then the light changed and there were cars behind me. i was sad i didn't get to hear the whole joke. anyone know that one?

a recap

2009-12-28T22:28:00.000-08:00

awesome: having a paycheck again

not awesome: working in a large retail center during the holiday shopping season

awesome: free coffee beverages and cheap food

awesome: playing kickball with the cousins on christmas day (lost by one run!)

not awesome: having one of those cousins give you the ped egg for a christmas present and not 'fess up to it. stupid gift exchange. gross. other people got snuggies. (i'm not saying i like snuggies, but the probability of me using a snuggie is greater than me using a cheese grater on my feet.)

awesome: talking to a kid's shoe saleswoman about the twilight book series last week. talking to a homeless guy about the very same twilight series today.

owned

2009-12-21T23:51:00.000-08:00

i'm a slave to the man again, as an espresso monkey. no, really, tomorrow is my sixth day of work in a row.
which is why the blog has been lagging. hopefully i will get back on it soon.

raditude

2009-11-30T23:40:00.000-08:00

oh weezer. your music always makes me happy and want to play in my car at high volume. rivers may be the most adorable dorky guy ever. conan o' brian also fits in that category. and joseph gordon-levitt.
broadway dance number. sweater vest. check. (i haven't even seen this movie yet.)

this one time...

2009-11-30T23:20:00.000-08:00

i went to my 15 year high school reunion over the weekend. the next morning i woke up feeling like i had two wine glasses too many, found that i had cracked my contact lens, and couldn't find my wallet. which makes it sound like i had a really wild night, which it was not - actual glasses consumed: 3, i have butterfingers, and i am more absentminded than i am a wild spender (i let my more successful, gregarious, and self-described borderline alcoholic high school buddy do the buying of bottles). so i just feel old and foolish.

in spite of my aversion to being extroverted, i quite enjoyed seeing people and chit-chatting. i'm glad it was in a low-key atmosphere and not a banquet room as if it were prom: the sequel. who knew that my hometown could have a happenin' wine bar? like many others who grew up in danville, i was convinced that this town was boring as hell. anyway, being 15 years out of high school is long enough to not really care anymore about what you were like in high school. there was some reminiscing over who we went to the prom with, and how one of our teachers would consume 4 diet cokes by 10 am every day, and our regrets over early 90s "fashion."

pity party

2009-11-30T15:52:00.000-08:00

wondering how long a streak of bad luck can go. latest casualties: my left contact lens (cracked), and my wallet (though i am hoping it is at the wine bar my high school reunion was at. no one is trying to use the cards. stupid place is closed on sunday and monday.) just sitting here sipping my airborne vitamin supplements.

season's greetings!

happy thanksgiving to all.

2009-11-26T23:41:00.000-08:00

sixteen tons...

2009-11-18T15:04:00.001-08:00

i've been thinking a lot about the past year or so. i've been unemployed that long - really? really. makes me wonder if i am ruined for ever having a regular hour-type job again (i would, however, kick ass at a trivia round of law and order: criminal intent). not that i found myself particularly suited to it in the first place. just for fun, let's imagine me in a business suit, wearing white sneakers with panty hose, and carrying an insulated lunch bag. yeah. not to knock that look or that life - more power to those who can/do. i suppose seeing joe vs. the volcano (which, as i recall, was a pretty good movie, possibly the first of the hanks/ryan collaborations. netflix it now.) at an impressionable age has something to do this my revulsion:

(this scene kicks office space's ass in oppressive movie work environments) well, it's this scene and during an internship i had in college my editor told emphatically to avoid jobs that involved wearing panty hose. she said she would wake up every morning, open the closet and go, "ugh" and she drank a lot and gained weight, so she quit and became a bike messenger. and then somehow later she ended up at the magazine where i was interning. thing is, i think that was the best thing i learned during the internship.

Music is what feelings sound like

2009-11-17T15:47:00.000-08:00

yesterday was a bit of a blur. again, i blame the inattentive baristas at starbucks for juicing my latte when i specifically asked for decaf. customer service skills, people! learn them.

so after getting very little sleep, i managed to drag myself out to volunteer. i'd been playing hooky for a few weeks; it was good to see familiar faces again. whenever i go, i wear my same old adidas military cap (it beats the lunch lady hairnet) and every time pauline, another volunteer, asks me, "what branch of the military are you in?" she's not all there, but she faithfully serves every week.

after a necessary cat nap in my car, i managed to stay up late enough to hit a show at a jazz club. a kid i know from youth group is in a jazz school big band. i know, expectations may be low for teenagers playing jazz, but this kids are on a whole other talent level. seriously.

you'd walk by these kids in their street clothes and have no idea how much they rock. watch them slouch out on stage in oversize suits because they are growing like weeds, squinting a big in the glare of the stage lights and you'd still wonder what was going to happen once they start playing. and then these 15 or so gangly kids with hair drooping in their eyes begin their first piece and cease being 15 individuals, but a one organism with 30 hands and 30 lungs that breathe as one and create some amazing sound. it is SO MUCH FUN to see this transformation. to see kids this focused, this poised and really loving what they are doing and doing well (this band being on top of whatever school bands they are in, private music lessons, and the high-powered-dryer-tumbling load of regular stuff that constitutes their day-to-day lives). that's why i rarely miss an invitation to see these kids play. it's just not something you see that often.

come on feel the noise

2009-11-10T18:03:00.000-08:00

i volunteered for the high school retreat this past weekend. i suppose i'm a glutton for punishment. but there is also some part of me that is energized from being with them. i don't know if energized is the right word, and while a good part of the time i'd like to drop kick some of them, there is an equal amount of time that i enjoy getting to know them - in a different way from our weekly gatherings. so, yes i still like teenagers, and no i don't plan on returning to the paid life of youth ministry.

here's a snippet of what makes me hang out with high schoolers. it's overhearing things like this that i could not make up:
i'm lying on my sleeping bag, in between activities. the little pack of freshmen girls comes in the room because they are incapable of doing things independently.
girl: let's go get more brownies!
another girl: let's not. (general noises of unenthusiasm.)
(pause.)
first girl: ... want to watch me eat a brownie?
other girls: yeah sure.

they exit. and... scene.

nerd alert

2009-11-05T00:17:00.000-08:00

here's the long awaited post on books. that only applies to dan, really. and the other four of my readers that just like knowing what i'm up to.

i really dig creative non-fiction, and memoirs. it's because i find the oddities and mundanities of life to be equally fascinating.
for this genre:
the tender bar by jr moehringer. a memoir of growing up in a long island town. raised by his mother, jr finds the male influences in his life in a bar down the street from his house. for better and for worse, this community guides him to manhood.

the ramen king and i by andy raskin. subtitle: how the inventor of instant noodles saved my love life. hard to resist a title like that. while a bit long for my taste, raskin still does a surprisingly masterful job of tying together these two parts of his life: his inability to sustain a relationship and his obsession for momofuku ando. some might not buy it, but i liked the linking. those who are somewhat familiar with japanese culture will probably enjoy this.

blind side by michael lewis. yes, a movie adaptation starring sandra bullock is about to be released. read the book first, as lewis provides a lot of background and depth that probably doesn't translate to the big screen. it might be hard for you to get through if you are not a football nut, but lewis makes it mostly understandable for those who, say, aren't in two fantasy football leagues (ahem). even if you skim over those parts, the story of michael oher is riveting. plus, it is nice to hear about evangelical christians in the bible belt that aren't assholes.

now for the fiction. gotta tip the hat to jane halton and dane splinter for letting me know about these.

the lovely bones by alice sebold. i picked up this book in the afternoon and did not put it down until the wee hours of the morning when i was done. that doesn't happen very often. the writing is beautiful. told from the perspective of the narrator in heaven, she observes as her family and friends deal with the aftermath of tragedy.

unaccustomed earth by jhumpa lahiri. basically anything written by this woman is kickass. that's all you need to know.

it does a body good

2009-11-03T23:15:00.000-08:00

as i mentioned in a previous post, i found out that i had low iron levels in my blood. so i have been trying to beef up the iron in my diet, literally. i toyed with the idea of going on a cheeseburger-only diet. but common sense prevailed and i have been eating more leafy greens and legumes and such. okay and i had a few cheeseburgers. because they're good.

that is all. more tomorrow on the books i've been reading that i think you should read too.

this post has been sponsored by...

2009-11-02T00:04:00.000-08:00

last friday, my good friend molly jenson blew through town. she does that, being a musician and all. i set up a house concert for her on the roof of my brother's apartment in the city. musicians gotta eat.

thus i tested the loading capacity of my good ol' honda fit. there were 20 folding chairs, an outdoor firepit, a box of firewood and a bag of christmas lights, in addition to the other junk that is usually in there. with room to spare, i might add.

so this is my little shout out to my car, probably one of the few consistent things in my life right now. oh, in addition to loading up the car, i also had to go a long way around the san francisco bay because the stupid bay bridge is broken right now (going on 6 days now). it's commuting hell. luckily i don't have a commute, so i just like to watch the drama unfold on tv.

anyway, the concert went off without a hitch. my bro and his roomie got a keg of PBR which was classy. it was a beautiful night in san francisco. and molly rocked. well, as much as you can rock with an acoustic guitar. give molly a listen on itunes or pandora.

ah, youth

2009-11-01T14:33:00.000-08:00

so then i get this message on facebook from a kid i hadn't seen at youth group in a long time

initial message
me: why did you unfriend me? jerk.

response
kid: cuz ur old and i dont want to have any association with any religion at all, as my new beliefs have lead me to believe that organized religion is evil.

awesome!

this warmed my heart...

2009-11-01T00:48:00.000-07:00

a college kid told me, "i like you because you're one of the first christians i know that didn't pretend to be happy all the time." guess i'm doing something kind of right.

2009-10-29T18:00:00.001-07:00

tried to donate blood today. apparently my hemoglobin levels are too low. my hobgoblin levels though are just fine for halloween. shoot.

2009-10-28T02:51:00.001-07:00

INSOMNIA, YOU ARE THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE.

for what ails you

2009-10-21T12:46:00.000-07:00

been in a pessimistic mood of late. hardly surprising, eh? doing my best to fight off the blues.

if you are in the same boat, try this: while driving, sing at the top of your lungs to "greatest love of all" by whitney houston. because that pretty much makes me laugh every time. i might have to do that song the next time i go karaoke.

further disclosure: my ipod then served up "holiday in cambodia" by the dead kennedys, then "paint it black" by the rolling stones (which i also rocked). next time i am in a job interview and they ask what i can bring to the position, i'm going to ask them who of their other candidates has that series of songs on their ipod shuffle. because that's what i call an intangible skill that also demonstrates what a well-rounded person i am. no, i am not grasping at straws here.

this is what the job search feels like.

2009-10-19T13:20:00.000-07:00

it's funny (and insulting) cuz it's true

2009-10-15T14:23:00.000-07:00

my friend showed me this site, target women with sarah haskins. pure hilarity. she was on npr today, and i found out she was an american studies major in college. i minored in this when i was in school, and man, do i feel like i missed the boat. sign me up for a gig like this. anyway, you'll think twice about ads after this. my personal peeve is the glade candle and air freshener ad campaign.

this one's about yogurt, the very first segment.

this is the newest one, about how ads help men know how to get hot chicks.

ultimate power anthems

2009-10-14T23:55:00.000-07:00

this takes me back to 1999. and do i ever want to party like it is 1999. (sorry)

it's week 2 of the dogsitting extravaganza and i've been watching too much late night television. don't worry, i'm not so far gone as to think getting this cd is a good idea. oh cheesy christian music. so cheesy it hurts.

keep on truckin'

2009-10-10T13:47:00.000-07:00

i just had an amazing experience. i bought 2 pairs of jeans that i am quite happy with. it took me 30 minutes, if that. i only tried on 3 pairs of jeans. it's still blowing my mind.

see the last time i went jeans shopping was at costco, where i found some calvin kleins in like 2004 for 20 bucks a pair. i loved how they fit, and bought several pairs. because i hate hunting to find the right rise, leg length, and fit. on the list of things i hate doing: 1. going to the dentist, 2. bathing suit shopping, 3. jeans shopping.

anyway, it's this tiny shop in berkeley. the basement shop (cheaper jeans) is filled with jeans from floor to ceiling and the standing area in the dressing room is probably one square foot. the key here is that you can walk in, tell the people that work there, "i want jeans that look like this" and point the faded, well-loved pair that you are wearing. they eye for the waist and length, ask you what color/wash you want, reach into the impossibly huge pile of jeans and hand you a few pairs of levis. it's freaking awesome. i wanted to hug the women that helped me.

i have been on a short blogging hiatus because i am currently dog and housesitting. said dog is some kind of mutt with german shepherd in him. he's massive, but is kind of a big baby and can't be alone. he is used to sleeping on the bed next to the owner which i am not so thrilled with. it's one thing for a cat or smaller dog to do it. it's another thing for a dog that probably is more than 80 pounds. ah well, it's "work" and i enjoy having a reason to walk regularly.

said house is also without an internet connection and i am reduced to mooching from my neighbors. coverage is spotty at best.

likely to have another interview soon. prayers would be appreciated. this is for the same job i interviewed for last fall. anyone have any interview tips?

in other words (alternately: accentuate the positive, in light of recent events))

2009-10-04T12:37:00.000-07:00

i haven't even written about the book reading and launch party, which was the whole reason for this spontaneous road trip. partly because i don't like to toot my own horn - this is where jane and dane would be useful in the production of this blog post.

after fighting the traffic through olympia and tacoma on my way up from portland, i found mars hill grad school (where the reading was taking place) changed in my car (which was of no concern to the woman walking her dog while i was doing so) and walked up the street to meet the other authors for happy hour. we made introductions, i sat down and ordered a drink and appetizer and then bit into the quesadilla i ordered and promptly had a few beans spill down the front of my sweater. super.

in a wonderful twist of fate, i was not wearing white, and the waiter kindly brought over some club soda for me. my only response to this was to laugh - i was not at all surprised that something like this should happen.

this book was three years in the making. maybe about a year in the selecting of essays and editing. then two more years finding a publisher. many thanks to our editor hannah notess for all her hard work in getting this to press. it was awesome to meet her after only having email contact for so long. and it was good to meet the other writers - always good to find people with the same odd bent towards writing.

in reading the book so far (and this is long after the reading), i have enjoyed the breadth of experience the many essays offer. the book offers honest insight as to what the evangelical experience has been like for women, which obviously hasn't gotten much consideration. my hope is that is sparks further conversation and sharing of stories for women and hopefully men listen well. i kiddingly told a friend of mine that i could just kick him in the balls instead of reading the book of women's stories. rest assured, there is more to the collection than that. there are real glimpses of struggles with faith and family and church.

reading my own essay out loud (to more than 50 strangers!), was exhilarating. and makes me once again scratch my head over how my faith has it's roots in the the youth group culture of chubby bunny (a potentially, possibly already, lethal game), a lot of chaos, and talent shows. how i got from that point to where i am in my faith today makes me laugh in surprise. only god could construct something as bizarre as that.

as any kid (and adult) in my old youth group will attest, i am awkward in front of large groups. it's the persona i adopt for them - because they have such a heightened sense for awkward, it's the only way i can get their attention - like how you rubberneck at a car accident. after many years of making friends laugh, i was quite pleased and surprised to be able to make a room full of strangers crack up. in my humble opinion, i killed. and my friends reading this will probably roll their eyes and go, "well, duh!" come on, i'm a little slow here. and neurotic. cut me some slack.

before the reading, i happened to walk past the mars hill free book shelf outside the library. of course i have to take a look to see if there are any steals. no dice, but i did grab a copy of the purpose driven life which i gave away at the end of the night as a prize to the first person who named a woman in the bible. i almost chickened out doing it, but there was no way i was going to take the book home that night.

people actually wanted me to sign their copies of the book. that was cool - i need to work on having a cooler signature. i get a deal on the book as a contributor, so let me know if you would like a copy. help a starving artist out.

blerg

2009-10-02T23:28:00.000-07:00

so i was in the middle of writing a different post, which i will probably finish tomorrow.

today was just one of those days. i had an interview yesterday for a job that i wasn't particularly excited about, but i'm not that picky these days about what my source of income is. besides, i was more than reasonably qualified for the job, and actually had direct experience doing this job. i had resigned myself to making the best of it and accept the job if it were offered to me. so i was surprisingly disappointed when i got an email informing me that someone else had been hired for the position. SUPER. i can't even get hired for a job that i've actually done before. on one hand, i am a tiny bit relieved, as my previous experience kind of sucked. on the other hand, what's it gonna take for me to get a damn job? seriously.

and then tonight i go to read at a coffee shop, get my mind of my misfortunes and decide to wander around the shops a little bit. when i walked back to my car it was nowhere to be found. i wandered up and down the street racking my brain and wondering if i was going crazy. walking farther down the street, this drunk girl walks up to me and asks me where she is. then we proceed to have this odd conversation and she keeps asking me if i'm okay. she then focuses on me and then declares, "i'm undercover, i'm undercover, what do you need?" about 10 minutes before this, i had seen her running down the street and duck around a wall, look around and then keep walking. so i didn't really believe her. but she seems to want to help me when i tell her that i'm looking for my car, even if she is talking cryptically. abruptly she asks one more time if i'm okay, and then turns around and walks away. real helpful and bizarre.

i finally call my dad and he comes to get me. we drive around the area a little bit, telling me that once this happened to him at the mall and my car is probably around somewhere. making me think i am really going insane.

finally we give up. the proximity to the police station in this town makes me believe that my car has been towed, rather than stolen. and of course, my dad gets pulled over as we are heading home - because of some deal with the registration claims the cop. it's friday, we're near a bunch of bars (hence "undercover" drunk girl seemed somewhat believable) and we had just been circling the area slowly in our car for 15 minutes. yeah, i'd have pulled us over too. after the cop takes down the registration and scolds my dad for not getting the smog test done on his car, my dad asks if he knows where we can find out if my car got towed. when he say, "blue honda fit" the cop says, "oh yeah, i towed that car." turns out i had parked behind a car that was in a red zone. the dude had showed up right when they were towing it so he got cited and left. i had probably been in the barnes and noble down the street reading entertainment weekly when this was all going down. so ... it's a consolation that my car was towed and not stolen. even better if it hadn't happened at all, but what can you do. my dad and i will pick it up tomorrow. hopefully it won't cost too much.

of course, i wouldn't mind if some things went my way. this is getting a little ridiculous.

dust has settled

2009-09-30T13:29:00.000-07:00

okay, i think my brain has caught up to me after the road trip. it took a bit of time. first i was tired, then i was lazy, and now i'm looking around remembering what my ramshackle life was like before i took off.

when i went on my road trip, about a week in, i realized i missed home (SF area) a little bit, even though i was in another place i consider to be home (vancouver). i i went to church in berkeley on sunday and was suddenly hit with a gladness of being there. i was a little more surprised than i should have been, i think - i have been living here for 3 years now. but it's taken that all that time to feel connected and familiar with this community.

as i have mentioned before, it's been hard going in this flashy and speedy culture. interesting that the sermon should be on acts 2:42-3:17 - the nice little passage about how great church community can be - how we often view community as a scarcity that we try to hold on to and be exclusive with our own power, rather than this abundant and wonderful openness based on the abundant love of God.

because on my nomadic stint, i felt incredibly blessed to know that i could drop in on 3 different cities and experience the love and care of many friends, in addition to the one i am currently in. even though i was exhausted by driving so much, my soul was refreshed by playing scrabble (jane wins the series 4-3. i will have my revenge), watching twins moonwalk across a kitchen floor, drinking a few pints of beer or coffee or sharing diet cokes (why do i keep accidently type a part of the male anatomy when i type that drink? it's something freudian i don't want to spend any more time considering, i bet), and mostly just being in the same room with people i've got a some history with. and then also to appreciate the connections i have made here, even as it has been difficult.

kids these days

2009-09-26T20:16:00.000-07:00

benjamin wade halton and his witty, incisive thoughts on cleanliness. i have the same reaction when someone says, "cupcakes."

you may notice that we comment in the video that ben's reaction is a little "subdued." sometimes ben likes to hold his true feelings on the inside.

938 miles in pictures

2009-09-13T22:57:00.000-07:00

wednesday: danville to portland
thursday: portland to seattle
friday: stretch
saturday: seattle to vancouver
sunday: play scrabble. lose. win. lose.
monday: more scrabble
tuesday-?: TBA

the honda fit is running with flying colors. excellent gas mileages. getting caught up on podcasts. talking on my phone while driving because it's not illegal yet in washington.

here's a few more images that speak for themselves:

i neglected to take pictures at the reading. i was a little blown away seeing copies of the book, and had a great time meeting the other writers. great stories - can't wait to read the whole thing.

going where the wind blows. like a big blue honda fit-shaped tumbleweed. good times.

807 miles later...

2009-09-11T00:04:00.000-07:00

day 2 of the great northwestern voyage.

pics to come soon - tomorrow when my brain might be more functional.

the skinny: had a great great time meeting other contributors to the Jesus Girls, reading at the release party, and giving away a copy of purpose driven life that i found on a "free books" shelf as a door prize. am now tired from sitting on my ass in a car for most of 2 days. but also exhilarated with a sense of accomplishment.

incredibly glad and thankful that i came up here.

2009-09-01T15:41:00.000-07:00

this morning i got up and couldn't figure out why my arms were sore. goodness knows i don't work out. then i realized that it was because i had spent the better part of the day before bussing tables at the dining room. it was the last day of the month, so it was really busy, people get low on cash before they get the next welfare check. every time i turned around, there were piles and piles of meal trays. however now my triceps are super toned. next week: work the deltoids.

i may have mentioned this before... but i am always struck by people's faces: they are the toughest and most fragile looking people i have ever seen. my favorite table during the senior citizen seating time is this group of filipino men that all look like they could be my grandpa.

so i still volunteer... i'm not sure how much longer. it's been hard to lose this small hope that i will work there. rationally, the chance are still about the same and who knows what will happen you know? but i still feel pretty hurt about how i got blown off with this last job. i know this economy is tough and people are really busy and trying to make things work with fewer resources and so on and so on... but it still doesn't mean that you get to treat people with less respect. i thought i had some sort of relationship after volunteering there for a year. i'm not really sure what to do about this situation. note: not going to engage in internet bash-fest. just thinking out loud.

begrudging

2009-08-31T16:48:00.000-07:00

ok. so taking a nap on the lawn at union square on a 70 degree day in san francisco? doesn't suck.
like i said, i'm trying to rally to a positive outlook on life.

plan b

2009-08-31T00:41:00.000-07:00

took a little field trip this morning with a friend. i've been wanting to do this for a while - we went to the church that anne lamott attends in marin city.

it's pretty much as she wrote - oh, she wasn't there, which was a little disappointing. we weren't going to accost her or anything. although we were hoping she would think us cool and invite us to have lunch with her.

it was nice to be at a small worship service that wasn't a slick production. i'm not saying the church i usually go to is like that (i guess the extreme end of the spectrum would be tv church), but larger services require more organization and some of the intimacy is lost. so it was good to be in a different setting.

not much to say beyond that - we hope to go again another time, when the regular pastor is there; she was on vacation. and of course maybe have an anne sighting. the guest preacher, provided some insights to the healing ministry of jesus (john 9) but also presented some thoughts on today's universal health care debate in such a way that would have really ticked off those of a more conservative stripe - and i agree with the need for health care reform! i don't find it helpful when jesus gets crammed into boxes - anywhere on the political spectrum.

~~friends out there - i'm kind of back to the drawing board regarding the whole job search. it is quite discouraging and frustrating. i am trying to rally. it's an uphill battle. so if you are inclined to send me some positive words, clever sarcasm, or want to share your hatred of cover letters - comment here, or email. it would mean a lot.

no excuses

2009-08-27T14:00:00.000-07:00

been grumpy.

2009-08-17T19:41:00.001-07:00

i think i'll move to australia

2009-08-11T18:48:00.000-07:00

got knocked around a bit yesterday. am trying to regroup.

so, i applied to a job at the place i've been volunteering for almost a year. i found out yesterday that i didn't even make the cut to get a call for an interview. this was just minutes after one of the volunteer coordinators told me that she liked it when i was there because she had confidence in telling me what to do. needless to say, i was really surprised/disappointed. i have grown to love the people i see there and the community. next week, i will find out why/how i could be a better candidate. basically, i'm pretty bummed.

it was not the best thing to find out right before i headed to another interview. but i think i managed to rally and present myself well. friends ask me how it went, and i am so mixed up right now that i'm not sure. i mean, i didn't accidentally curse or punch the interviewer in the face - but i also didn't get offered the job on the spot. so it's somewhere in between there. i can see how i might be a good candidate, and where i would be weak. this is an organization that i would love to work for.

it's been a year, for those of you keeping score at home. a friend on facebook used the term "funemployment." which cracked me up. things are getting thin though. and how long can one wait in expectation? i know, i know ... a pretty damn long time. it's just hard - especially when i can't even get a stupid retail or food service job and the temp agency lady says it's really competitive even for stupid filing/data entry jobs. time to panhandle. or to make a name for myself in underground bareknuckle boxing circles.

stories to tell

2009-08-05T14:42:00.000-07:00

i don't get all star-struck and giddy very often. but when i am face to face with one of my literary idols, my mind gets stuck on coming up with something witty to say in the 30 seconds of interaction i get with them that would make them want to be new best friends with me. fortunately, i realize how ridiculous that is, and i come to my senses before i make a gushing fool of myself. this here is dave eggers, who also wrote "a heartbreaking work of staggering genius," an amazing memoir that is equally poignant and humorous (plus he's got the cojones to give a book that title, even sarcastically). not only does he write a great book, but he then starts up a nonprofit, 826 Valencia, "dedicated to supporting students ages 6 to 18 with their writing skills, and to helping teachers get their students excited about the writing." I've seen some of the work they've done in the mission district and it has been amazing to see what the kids in their programs have created. He also founded mcsweeney's, an indie publishing house that produces great off-the-beaten-path kind of works. one of them being a book series called voice of witness, a "non-profit book series that empowers those most closely affected by contemporary social injustice. Using oral history as a foundation, the series depicts human rights crises around the world through the stories of the men and women who experience them." i may or may not have a bit of a crush on him. what's not to love?

i spotted this book when i was browsing in one of my many favorite indie bookstores (i like to torture myself since i can't/won't buy any of the books). it's his newest book:

When Hurricane Katrina struck New Orleans, Abdulrahman Zeitoun (pronounced "Zay-toon"), a prosperous Syrian-American and father of four, chose to stay through the storm to protect his house and contracting business. In the days after, he traveled the flooded streets in a secondhand canoe, passing on supplies and helping those he could. But, on September 6, 2005, Zeitoun abruptly disappeared.

i haven't started the book yet, but what i gather is that he was detained by the US government without a trial. as i said, i don't get giddy very often, but i'm really looking forward to reading this book. when i spent time in new orleans post-katrina, i was shocked with how the government acted/didn't act during/after this disaster. i am eager to read a story about this, in a story-telling style that i love. read more about the author and the book here.

and that's how i broke my restriction (again - like i said, i am weak) on buying new books and ended up at moe's books last week for dave eggers' signing appearance (at least i held out on buying a copy until i got to the signing). at the front of the line, no less. i didn't know how that happened. i was just looking wistfully at the books on the shelves and there i was. i felt like a total nerd. which was totally fine with me.

2009-08-05T12:33:00.000-07:00

dear job market,

you suck.

very sincerely,
audrey

2009-08-05T09:58:00.000-07:00

it's the birthday of the man who founded the place i volunteer. "Father Alfred was the Franciscan Friar who founded St. Anthony’s on October 4th, 1950. Father Alfred wanted a place where hungry people could be served, be filled, and create community while breaking bread."

sigh

2009-08-04T09:24:00.000-07:00

i'm currently sitting in the lounge at the honda dealer, listening to huey lewis and the news songs being played at an unacceptable volume at this point in the morning and drinking bad coffee. non-dairy creamer powder is a disturbing substance. (love shack by the b-52s just came on. i find this a tad more acceptable, but still a little too loud - oh my god, i turned 33 and became a crotchey old lady that is sensitive to noise. however, i did also snicker at using the word crotchety.)

anyhow, my brakes are getting serviced. while i prefer to not die, it just hurts to spend this money, knowing a) i don't have a lot of cash, and b) my parents will help me out. it's a small matter of pride/responsibility - again with the being 33 years old thing.

considering selling whatever organs i have two of - cornea, kidney... um, lung? my unborn twin that i've been carrying around since birth? i'd sell my eggs, but that pesky age thing again, apparently i'm past the preferred expiration date. besides, a small version of me running around somewhere out there is kind of weird to think about.

btw, don't worry, if you know me, jokes are just how i deal with this - i'm not really that poverty-stricken. no one is every that happy to shell out cash for their car. now considering walking to denny's down the street to escape the godawful music. peace out.

oh bla di, oh bla dah

2009-07-30T00:01:00.000-07:00

hey, so i'm 33 now.

kind of scratching my head over how that happened. didn't i just leave for college? that was 15 years ago. some parts of those years were like walking through molasses. and others like tumbling down a sand dune. i'd like to think i'm wiser. at least i can tell that some things that would have crushed me years ago, i can now turn aside with a shrug of my shoulders. all part of becoming more comfortable in this peculiar skin that i am in.

stories like this keep me from going totally crazy. so far life in the thirties have brought more of the same limbo and life questioning that the twenties did (i was hoping for a change of pace). only now i don't care as much about what other people think of me. this past stint of unemployment (would you believe i've spent more time unemployed than employed in my 30s?) may have forever ruined me for a regular schedule or office environment, and i'm not terribly disappointed with that prospect.

so who knows what this year will hold? certainly not i. although i do hope that it might involve raising a pint and sharing a laugh with some of you readers out there. cheers!

2009-07-23T15:15:00.000-07:00

rage against the machine

2009-07-21T23:27:00.000-07:00

blerg. it's a good thing to know a God that cares about your humanity and have friends that affirm that, along with things that remind you that there's a lot more to life that what you can see. all this metaphysical thinking comes after a somewhat irritating conversation with a woman at a temp agency. it was the kind of phone call that had me feeling like i had no transferable skills from any of the jobs i have ever had. such is the kind of thinking when you don't have a job. i recovered however, and am going in tomorrow to take the software tests and such - mostly i am motivated by wanting to spite this lady. is that so wrong? anyway, i've recovered my sense of humor about the whole thing, so that's good. plus, there are some other good opportunities on the horizon. i think that will keep me from ending up like that michael bolton guy from "office space."

if you are looking for some good podcasts, lately i have really been enjoying "speaking of faith with krista tippet" and "stuff you should know". it's come to the point now where i barely listen to music. i'm getting to be a nerdy geezer. i turn 33 in a week. that's weird.

god bless the rest of the world, too.

2009-07-12T23:54:00.000-07:00

check this... american patriot's bible. makes me feel ill.

hmmmm

2009-07-08T22:07:00.000-07:00

either the guys in the car next to me in traffic today were checking me out because they thought i was hot, or they were amused that i had spaced out and was listening to MMMMbop while my ipod was on shuffle.

yes. i have mmmbop on my ipod. you're jealous.

out for a spin

2009-07-02T22:23:00.000-07:00

trying out this new blog title. saw it on the marquee of a liquor store in berkeley, and i just liked the sound of it, even though i'm not totally sure what it means. classy days, seedy nights perhaps. yeah, that is SO ME. usually i am just kicking back in a recliner and watching tv while dorking around on my computer. i'm so edgy. anyway, not sure if i'll keep it, but i thought i'd try the name out. thoughts?

the warm temperatures continue. like i said, i escape to cooler climes. though today i tried to even out my farmer's tan - i couldn't handle the heat in the backyard. on monday, i headed into sf for my regular volunteering gig. some city employees were cleaning the front of the abandoned bank on the corner that looks a historic building. as i crossed the street, i saw a woman walking towards me, pause and lift up her raggedy jean pant legs to step over the streams of water runoff from the building. it was an oddly dainty gesture for the tough neighborhood. she smiled a greeting to the custodian guy and asked him a question. grinning, he turned his hose on to her feet in old pink flip flops to wash off the grime. she had chipped red toe nail polish. i strolled past quickly, and felt like i was intruding on an intimate moment. just another day surviving in the tenderloin.

i mentioned the people's grocery in a previous post about fresh, the documentary. i volunteered in one of their gardens on wednesday, clipping the dried blossoms off a chamomile plant. the plant grows wild around here, and help attract butterflies and bees to the garden. the plants would usually be composted when thinned out, but the gardner thought people might like the option to have fresh herbs for tea. we passed an agreeable afternoon, chatting as we clipped flowers. it was cool to learn more about the organization and the garden. looks like they are going to be expanding with a few more new locations in west oakland. here's hoping i can overcome my black thumb.

the job hunt thickens. that's all you get for now.

seriously. cackling with laughter.

2009-06-29T22:22:00.000-07:00

oh, will ferrell, you kill me. also, little doll hands are terrifying.

milk was a bad choice

2009-06-29T00:42:00.000-07:00

it's so damn hot. hot enough that i take a siesta in the afternoon, and now i am up late. alas. but being unconscious is the way i like to pass the time during a heat wave.

i usually escape the the other side of the hills, closer to the sf bay for more reasonable, less than 100 degree temperatures. this morning during church, we were informed that the food waste, paper plates, napkins and cups for our post-service meals will now be composted, instead of sent off to the regular landfill. they apparently had been haranguing the city of berkeley for a while to make this happen. i was quite happy to hear this news and that this was one of the ways God has been calling people to live differently.

then i went home and logged on to facebook. this is one of the first status updates i see from a youth...

...hates when churches deliver political propaganda. Just FYI, as many green house gases are produced during the composting process as at a landfill. The only difference is that most landfills capture the methane that is produced and reuse it. But for some reason I thought we were in the Jesus business and not the BS business. I guess I was wrong.

there is much i find troubling in this statement. i'm not sure how to respond quite yet. of course facebook is a less than ideal forum for this. but mostly i am curious as to how this kid came to this conclusion and how this fits in with faith and worldview. any greenie friends out there want to pipe up? your thoughts are welcome.

how to feel better about yourself

2009-06-23T11:44:00.000-07:00

everytime i feel like i'm the dorkiest person on earth or worry about not acting my age (whatever that means), i google live action role playing game... and then i don't feel so bad.

i wanna be like ira glass

2009-06-23T11:25:00.000-07:00

last week, i was facebook chatting with a friend of mine here in berkeley. as we caught up on things, she suddenly chimed in with "i know what you should do for your next job." in response to my questions, she only typed, "i have to tell you in person. it's good." my guesses of rodeo clown and drug dealer were left unconfirmed.

at dinner a few days later, she excitedly prepared me for her epiphany on my life. "i think you should be on the radio." in response to my perplexed look, she added, "no it totally fits. you are hilarious. you are good at talking to people and drawing them out. you could totally do it." i begrudgingly acknowledged these two facts. i have secretly been harboring a dream of writing something for this american life someday. and a secret crush on ira glass before i knew what he looked like. and when i did, i found him sweetly nerdy. crush is still on.

i am intrigued by this possibility. any suggestions/input/feedback on this? how should i go about becoming the next howard stern? hah! just kidding. i hate that guy.

in other news, it looks like a position is opening up in the dining room where i volunteer. i got the lowdown from some people i befriended that work there. send up lots of prayer about this. it goes without saying that i'd really love to get it.

p.s. the guy that looks like flavor flav that i mentioned in a previous post told me yesterday that if he were a younger man, he'd be chasing after me. meaning that he could actually catch up to me? i laughed.

fresh: new thinking about what we're eating

2009-06-17T14:25:00.000-07:00

i saw this movie last friday. if you're all up on michael pollan's books, or part of the slow food movement, or are a farmer yourself, then not a lot about seeing FRESH will surprise you. but it's a pretty good flick. joel salatin of polyface farm is in this movie, and it was cool to see him after i read about him in the omnivore's dilemma. actually, that was how i found out about this movie - after finishing the book i googled the farm to see if they had a site, and then i followed a link there to the movie. i know you all wanted to know about that. sorry. it's my blog and i'll ramble how i want to.

the film also shows several different people doing what they can to change the way we think about food. For you urban farmers, i think you'll like this guy, will allen, and his organization, growing power. they are based in downtown milwaukee, and they've created a neat little ecosystem (go the link just to see what they cooked up, it's pretty great) on 3 acres of land to show people from all backgrounds that access to healthy, high-quality, safe and affordable food is possible. as an ex-nba player, he is a monster of a guy, and the perfect guy to point out to your kids, and say, "that guy eats all his vegetables."

i could keep going about the people in the movie, but you just have to see it yourself. after the screening, we heard from a panel michael pollan (he lives here and teaches at the Cal journalism school). another panelist was george naylor, a farmer featured prominently in the movie, representing a farmer caught in between his principles and the agricultural industry. there was also, Brahm Ahmadi, the director of the people's grocery from oakland. these last two panelists talked about the "food desert" phenomenon in rural iowa and urban oakland. in George's entire county (in iowa!), there is 1 grocery store for about 30,000 people. meanwhile in west oakland, the situation is much the same - 1 grocery store for about 25,000 people. there are, however, 40 convenience stores - with ridiculously marked up prices on staple goods and produce, if any. that, my friends, just ain't right. this just isn't a nutritional/ethical issue, it's a social justice issue.

see if the film is coming to a place near you. order a dvd for a home screening and have a party with your friends (say, sans cheetos). i might even try to overcome my black thumb. anyway, two green thumbs up for the movie. hawhaw.