light bulb

much like new years resolutions, the blogging has fallen by the wayside. the running has been semi-consistent at least. race day in 27 days.

spent dead prez weekend in lake tahoe with a bunch of high schoolers. i haven't seen that much snow in a long time. maybe when i was in college and had to climb over a snow bank to get to my dorm when i got back from winter break. out of the 4 years in dc, i never had a stinkin' snow day to get out of class. i still feel gypped. anyway, the snow was pretty sweet. wait, after about 20 minutes of floundering around in thigh-high powder, i realized that i'm not all that hot on snow.

other than that, there was a lot of good lounging and laughing. this is the first time i've really done youth ministry while actually having another job. yeah, it took long enough. i'm still adjusting and figuring out what my life looks like with a 9-5 gig. because i've managed to avoid a job with that schedule, well, pretty much my entire post-college life. i'm thinking that's why i felt like such a geezer on the trip. or maybe i actually am getting closer to being a geezer. seriously, like next week, i'll be shaking my fist telling those damn kids to get off my lawn.
actual conversation:
kids are getting ready to head down to the beach for the annual jump into lake tahoe.
in february. (yeah, it's cold. lots of screaming involved).
me: is that what you guys are wearing down there? you need to wear jackets.
2 girls are dressed in shorts flip flops and t-shirts. one is wearing a hoodie. she gestures at her hoodie, while the other one stares at me blankly.
me: you guys it's really windy out there. you guys need to wear a windproof jacket. the hoodie won't help you after you get out.
more blank looks.awkward silence
me: why are you still standing in front of me? go get your jackets.
3-5 more seconds of blank looks. more awkward silence
girl 1: .... i think i'll go put my jacket on...
girl 2: yeah that sounds good, i'll go with you.

me, as they walk away: yeah, way to come up with that idea on your own guys.
other kids laugh.

this might have been the trip where i've sounded most like a mom. sigh.

there's always room for jello

the other day a friend commented that she enjoyed it when i tagged along at various youth group meetings and trips. she said that i added "zest" to those times. to which i responded, "so I'm like mrs. dash?" and the answers is yes, folks. i am a social mrs. dash. this may be an actual personal characteristic, but there have been times in my life when i have felt less than zesty - so it is nice to actually feel and be this way. i'm not sure that sentence made any sense, but i have a regular job now that makes me lose brain power when i get home in the evening.

anyway, this past wednesday i was left largely alone at the office. people had class, or worked from home, what have you. which was kind of demotivating, but fortunately, i can be creative when left to my own devices. see, this here is my friend's favorite mug for tea. she drinks about 359 cups of tea per day out of it. i had to bide my time until i could get my hands on the mug, and had the box of jello mix in my backpack for a few weeks.

i think my friend herself gave me the idea, when she told me how jim encased dwight's phone in jello in an episode of the office. i suppose you could say that i harass her a bit because i regularly throw wads of paper at her, and once also hid this same mug in my desk one morning before she made her tea. it's all in good fun. well, for me, anyway. i have an impeccable sense of professionalism and decor. actually you should just never turn your back on me.

the jello set over night, and i missed the whole reaction in the morning since i got to the office a little late. that's okay though, it was totally worth it. as you can see, i was quite pleased with myself. wouldn't you like me for a colleague? waiting for retaliation.

hm.

It’s hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness.

Chuck Palahnuik

one of the best days ever

so i thought maybe i'd catch up on things on this here blog. if anything, i kinda miss writing and i'm mighty out of practice. just for kicks, you know? anyway, i figured i should elaborate further on the day i got a employed.

the only entry i'd written in october was how annoyed/discouraged i was about the job search. and it continued like that for a few more weeks. i was pretty discouraged that i'd have to go find another coffee monkey gig to scrape by. out of the blue, i got a phone call from where i'd been volunteering about a full-time opportunity.

I went in for my "interview" which was kind of a foregone conclusion since i had already been there volunteering for several months. so i walked out with a job, and since it was rush hour in the city, i walked over to the civic center to watch the big screen telecast of game five of the world series to kill time until i could drive home. it was one of those rare amazing nights in the city when the sky was clear and you didn't need a jacket.

the game zoomed by because tim lincecum is amazing. it became apparent that this was the giants' night. i wasn't going to leave for home, not when victory was at hand. i decided to treat myself to dinner (because, what the hell - i had an income again!) at sam's chowdermobile, one of the handful of food trucks making a killing at the game. while i was standing in line with a good view of the screen, the giants scored their 3 runs. complete bedlam ensued, and i was high fiving all the people around me. i relaxed on the grass with my lobster roll, old bay fries and coke. a beer would have been nice, but no alcohol was permitted at the civic center plaza (which turned out to actually just be BYOB). have you ever had a lobster roll? man. a tasty bread roll, filled with lobster meat, and melted butter. i guess there's other spice too, but really, they had me at melted butter. and anything with old bay takes me back to when i lived in dc, with the tasty maryland blue crab.

then brian wilson shut the rangers down, more bedlam, more high fiving and then suddenly everyone around me was holding booze that i think they had been too nervous to be drinking until the giants won. i don't know if i had ever seen that much concentrated exuberance before. wait, in college, my school upset the number 1 ranked basketball team in the country, while prez. clinton (man that was a long time ago) was in attendance and the game was televised on ESPN. we rushed the court. so, the giants win was like that, but multiplied by 1000. what a day! this here picture of big time timmy tim encapsulated how i was feeling too.

whuh?

ok, so it's almost freakin' february. join me in head spinning.

i have to (semi-)publicly (because how many people are reading this anyway) confess that the half-marathon training isn't going all that great. i have yet to settle into a real routine with this. i'm also not totally thrilled that i'm a little bit more rickety-feeling since i last trained for a half. but i'm plugging along. hopefully i'll be injury-free and still do this thing.

brain dead entry. sorry. it's wednesday.

oh-eleven, now with more narcissism

so in one of those misguided energy bursts that come in with the new year, i am trying to blog. the key here, as with new year's resolutions, is to have low expectations. it's a proven strategy.

anyway, another misguided energy burst caused me to sign up for a half-marathon at the end of march. there. i put it out there so i can't back out. i really liked my last (also my first) half marathon which was in victoria, back in '04. which i blogged about - and i can't believe i've been a blog nerd for that long. back then, i would write papers all day in the library, or do the barista thing and then spend the long amazing vancouver summer afternoon/evening running along the beach and woods. man, i miss vancouver.

so now i'm trying to do that with a full time job and in the cold san francisco winter. don't scoff at me, you northerners. it's really frickin' cold in the morning. and it's the morning. as if i need more reasons not to run. i've also been mostly sedentary for the last few years. that last part is actually motivation, because i can tell my metabolism is slowing down. LAME. i can remember what it was like to be in shape. and i have to work harder for it now.

i know ya'll are on the edge of your seats, so check back to hear me whine some more about a) running, b) getting up early, c) ke$ha. seriously who likes her? she has no talent.

well, well, well

well hello there. it's been a while. thought i'd offer up a final comment on 2010 in the last few hours of this year.

so i got myself a job. what? yeah, that's right. gainful employment. a regular paycheck is blowing my mind. as is medical/dental insurance. and a regular commute/schedule. so it's good. i like it. perhaps i'll get to move out of my parents' house this year. we'll see. i'm curious to see what kind of shape my life will take now, after being in a kind of limbo for a while. a long while. i'm better for it though.

anyway, off to ring in the new year - once at 9, east-coast kid friendly style with my friends with rugrats and then again at midnight with the swingin' younger pals. more bang for my buck that way. hah. all the best to my 3 readers out there. hope 2011 is a good one for all!

shot in the arm

totally frustrated by the job search process today. which makes it difficult, if not impossible, to keep on writing cover letters and resumes when there is no response from any places i have applied. and i don't feel like i am actually qualified to do anything - which i know is not true. but is sure easy to believe that today.

ugh. ugh x100.

sitting.

last week: took care of 2 very old, very smelly pugs, in a somewhat sketchy neighborhood. how sketchy? the front door had one of those super heavy iron front doors with 2 deadbolts on it. then the regular front door with 1 deadbolt. the first time i got there it took me like 5 minutes to get inside. the aged alien-life-form pugs did not provide additional security. however: dishTV & internet.

this week: one aged collie/lab mix, and two little birds. house in a safe neighborhood, but also in the boonies. only 3 tv channels available: PBS, the christian channel, and one of those minor channels that has reruns of other shows and is mostly paid advertising. no internet. thus, i am at starbucks. a lot. it's only wednesday and i feel like i've been here for a week. living in someone else's clutter is agitating. i find my attachment to technology to be more than a little bit humbling.

ready to be at home again.

escalating a situation

i got hit in the neck with a water balloon tonight. from a distance of five feet. oh, youth group. it started with tossing cushions around the youth room earlier in the evening.

of course, i had started the whole thing. he was on his ipod, so i had to hit him while he was in his own world. we call that "reaching out." then he tried to hit me with a larger pillow. at this point i explained to this kid the economics of youth and youth staff interaction. see... i'm not even when i get even. i get even, and then i get them back again -- that's when we're "even."

i'm fairly sure that these are the very words my own youth group leader used when a few of us were messing around. of course, my own high school youth group was fairly violent - a friend of mine was so terrified of the guys' wedgie wars that he perforated the waist band of his underwear so that it would come off more easily and spare him a great deal of pain. sometimes i'm so glad i'm a girl.

in spite of my warning, he apparently stalked me for most of the evening with a water balloon. somehow i refrained from spouting off some serious curse words in front of all the kids and parents milling around after youth group, because it freakin' hurt. i chased him, because i was fully prepared to commit to a flying tackle on cement to exact revenge. another dad grabbed him for me, but i decided that an adult woman giving a freshman boy a wedgie would be inappropriate. i noticed that i still had a full nalgene bottle of water in my backpack, so as he walked back to his dad's car, i followed him and got him full in the face with the entire 32 oz. of said bottle. WRECKED. and now we're even. and that is effective youth ministry work, folks.

an american classic

CIMG3642
Originally uploaded by permanently scatterbrained

they went to disneyland, and all i got was this matching t-shirt. an awesome matching t-shirt. a moment of silence for the memory of the king of pop.

new style american blogger

saw there was a new feature on blogger and thought i'd try it out. thoughts?

i slept for 13 hours last night (my friends with children are rolling their eyes). still working like a dog. switching it up though, so the schedule will be more flexible and i'll be doing things that are a little more fun, but still basically working like a dog. still making up for that year or so i was unemployed. having an income is good. finding that being a bigger person in a situation to be a little bit overrated right now. and that's life as we know it.

the way of the dodo

Giving two week's notice when you are leaving a job - the courteous/professional thing to do, or just something that doesn't matter anymore, like wearing white shoes after labor day? just curious as to anyone's opinion

sold my soul for rock and/or roll

tomorrow - well, today, since it's after midnight - is a real honest to goodness day off in a really long time. like at least a month or so. dental surgery doesn't count because i had to get a freakin tooth pulled out of my jaw, although it was a period of enforced rest that was full of drugs and ice cream. technically, i don't work on sunday at either of my jobs but. sometimes going to church exhausts me (and feels like another job even after i stopped working at the church).

i feel like i've forgotten how to rest. besides falling asleep with my book in my hands and my contacts still in and the lights still on. it's been a bit of survival mode over the past few months. and i've been down this road before. and farther on down in ain't pretty. i catch myself short on patience with others and myself. i let slights or grudges fester. i am a faster and harsher judge. i am cranky. and i don't like being that way.

hoping for rest and refreshment. craving encouragement and laughs. desiring to regain wonder and imagination.

this guy

in keeping with my last post related to anonymous relationship set-up over text, i figured i should relate this story...

last week, i tried the vietnamese restaurant down the street from my internship. since my dental surgery, i have developed a craving for pho, the tasty soup dish. the restaurant was mostly empty, save for one large party on one side of the dining area. when the host said i could sit anywhere i liked, i picked the closest small table. it was next to another table with a newspaper on it, but it looked like that person had left and just left the paper there.

i space out while waiting for my food, texting friends or something, when i hear, "oh, hello." i look up and it's an older man in a SF parking enforcement uniform. "um... hi," i say. you readers in blogland know how much i love small talk.

he sits down and unfolds his paper, smiling and saying, "well, if you have any questions about sf parking, now's the time to ask!"

in my mind: "... is that a pick up line? i'm confused." after pausing, i end up saying, "well it's not san francisco i really have a beef with about parking, it's oakland's parking enforcement." which is true - i get more parking tickets than i should in that city, i think they are just trying to keep the city from going broke. what i'd really like to have said was: "wow, has that line really worked with the ladies? it must be the uniform." he chuckles awkwardly and goes back to reading his paper, and i dig into my meal.

whuh?

so about 2 weeks ago, i get a text from a local number i don't recognize: "i think i found a man for you. he can cook."

my response: who is this?

stranger: "his name is jason and you guys would go great together!"

me: ok. but who is this?

stranger response: "and he's got a great stable job and enjoys trying new restaurants."

me: you are creeping me out.

the next morning,
weirdo: so you don't want to meet him?

me: i'll think about it, but tell me who you are first.

no response.

somewhere, someone i vaguely know is probably amused. i'm just somewhat perplexed.

interlude

hello friends.

no, i haven't quit blogging. i've just been super busy working as a coffee monkey and also as an unpaid intern monkey. the other day my alarm went off and i couldn't remember what day it was or where i was supposed to be. it came back to me after a minute, but i don't think i've had that sensation before. it's tough, but i like my internship, and it's a good different mix from the coffee shop. it looks like my schedule will clear up a little bit soon. because i could use the break.

speaking of breaks, a filling in my tooth broke a while back and i ended up having to get it extracted and a dental implant put in. that all went down yesterday, and i was SO EXCITED to have a few days of laying around. never mind that it was at the expense of my tooth and wallet. kinda sad, eh? in any case, i enjoyed watching law and order criminal intent reruns and eating yogurt. though i'd kill for a cheeseburger right now. the bro and i are about to run to whole foods for an order of mashed potatoes. woo soft food. getting your tooth pulled: best diet ever. not really.

poof! disappeared.

Jesus Jesus, precious Jesus, O for grace to trust him more!

maundy thursday

so, in spite of the awkwardness of my last entry, i have been asked to read some scripture for this thursday's service. technically, i am part of the "drama team" though it is more reading than acting. thank goodness. because usually anything "drama"-related to church is pretty cheesy. this isn't so much. well, my part anyway. i'm just a narrator.

this will probably be the first and last time i am part of a "drama team."