still working and busy. it's frustrating sometimes - i feel like my summer, my time, is sliding by and i'm just trying to stay afloat. i end up cranky and tired, and my only feasible option is to stare at my ceiling for the entire afternoon - because if i was around anyone i'd rip their arm off and beat them with it. a necessary (and healthy, not to mention safe) thing to do, but not really how i'd like to spend most of my afternoons. and i have found myself too tired to do much more than this on many afternoons.
then there are surprising moments that remind me i'm simply alive and in the present, not just some machine going from task to task. spending a warm summer afternoon (which have been too few in this cloudy vancouver summer) in the backyard, in companionable silence with a friend, turning some leaves aside and discovering raspberries. i'm surrounded/bombarded with images continuously, yet with them i really see color, i really feel the ripeness as i pull them off the vine, and really taste the sweetness. transformed from a tired numbness, to resting in the moment and being satisfied.
the weird thing is, i can't really force these moments, or grasp after them, but to just take things as they come, try to slow down, and pay attention.
and then spend the evening watching a bad teenybopper movie, offering a scathing commentary and laughing really hard.
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