improv

owing to the unscripted nature of my life thus far, i found myself wandering around the uc berkeley campus at 9:30 pm. the masses of young fresh faces wandering around in packs made me a) feel way old, and b) remember the stomach churning anxiety of moving in to the dorms/college life and the general anxiety that accompanies the beginning of every school year. [pause to consider if i would trade my long-term low grade anxiety of what to do with my life for the short but intense shock of facing another year of school - it's a toss-up right now]

it was funny to find myself in the college setting... i hadn't thought of it in quite a while, and i couldn't help but wonder what other people my age were doing at the same time. sleeping most likely. somehow i have managed to avoid the 9-5 rigamarole. while that has been good and i don't regret anything, not adhering to obvious "life script" of get a job, get married, buy a house, get a pet, have kids, buy minivan, etc. etc. has always kind of loomed in the background (and nothing is wrong with any of that stuff; i quite love all of my friends that are in these stages of life). you all know what i'm talking about in some form or another so i don't need to elaborate further.

why was i on the campus? not looking for a date you jerks. i was there to see one of my former youth group kids in her new digs as a college freshman the night before her first day of college. i saw the tiny dorm room, the high beds for storage space underneath, her desk, carefully selected posters, as well as her own shelves in the house fridge and cabinet, her very own jars of peanut butter and jelly. i forgot how exhilaratingly liberating that kind of thing was. maybe i'll drop off some mac and cheese as a housewarming gift. like a costco size box of it. she could store what doesn't fit on her kitchen shelf under her bed.

see, this kind of thing feels... right to me. the relationship. the conversation. the listening. the laughs. and perhaps that is the script for me. and that is where my wandering thoughts end.

ah, this whole unemployment thing makes me wax all philosophical and introspective. someone out there take me out for a beer.