another day another coffee shop

the routine has developed as such... get up, feed cat, head to library or coffee shop with free wireless, play online scrabble, check facebook, write cover letter, email. it's not a bad gig. it could be worse.

it doesn't give me a whole lot to blog about, beyond the enjoyable episode of seeing an older black woman suddenly spout off a long lecture about men and relationships to this group of jr. highers loitering in the library. "don't go around telling everyone your business!" the looks on their faces were priceless, like they couldn't believe anyone older than them could possibly have a good idea. the woman, on the other hand, seemed to be giving them advice she wishes she had taken... stuff about playing it cool, being friends first, blablabla.

not exactly the safety dance, but still pretty cool.

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo

i wish i was this guy.

improv

owing to the unscripted nature of my life thus far, i found myself wandering around the uc berkeley campus at 9:30 pm. the masses of young fresh faces wandering around in packs made me a) feel way old, and b) remember the stomach churning anxiety of moving in to the dorms/college life and the general anxiety that accompanies the beginning of every school year. [pause to consider if i would trade my long-term low grade anxiety of what to do with my life for the short but intense shock of facing another year of school - it's a toss-up right now]

it was funny to find myself in the college setting... i hadn't thought of it in quite a while, and i couldn't help but wonder what other people my age were doing at the same time. sleeping most likely. somehow i have managed to avoid the 9-5 rigamarole. while that has been good and i don't regret anything, not adhering to obvious "life script" of get a job, get married, buy a house, get a pet, have kids, buy minivan, etc. etc. has always kind of loomed in the background (and nothing is wrong with any of that stuff; i quite love all of my friends that are in these stages of life). you all know what i'm talking about in some form or another so i don't need to elaborate further.

why was i on the campus? not looking for a date you jerks. i was there to see one of my former youth group kids in her new digs as a college freshman the night before her first day of college. i saw the tiny dorm room, the high beds for storage space underneath, her desk, carefully selected posters, as well as her own shelves in the house fridge and cabinet, her very own jars of peanut butter and jelly. i forgot how exhilaratingly liberating that kind of thing was. maybe i'll drop off some mac and cheese as a housewarming gift. like a costco size box of it. she could store what doesn't fit on her kitchen shelf under her bed.

see, this kind of thing feels... right to me. the relationship. the conversation. the listening. the laughs. and perhaps that is the script for me. and that is where my wandering thoughts end.

ah, this whole unemployment thing makes me wax all philosophical and introspective. someone out there take me out for a beer.

how did i get here?

here i sit, under a blue california sky, unemployed and getting wireless for the price of an americano (decaf). the man across from me has a macbook too, but is employing the index-finger-only-hunt-and-peck style of typing. haven't seen anyone do that in a while. i suppose the kids i know find it archaic that i would actually spell out whole words while texting, so it's all relative.

i am again in the all-too-familiar state of transition. i am rather more at peace this time than the last time i was in this state. the time that passed in between showed me not to put so much weight or meaning on current life circumstances or spending a lot of time wondering if THIS WAS THE RIGHT CALLING OR PLACE OR OCCUPATION... that kind of thing, how everything seems to be in capital letters and i am stuck in lowercase and a tiny font. i like lowercase, and things are what they are.

i feel a tad more anchored in this geographical place, by the gravity of friendships and familiarity. it is tenuous still, like i am bouncing on the moon, but it's better than a vacuum.

moving trip, by the numbers

grovers successfully settled in america's vancouver: 3.5

meds to calm gus the dog: 4

caffeine consumed: 1 peet's medium vanilla latte, 1 starbucks double shot can, 1 diet coke (mat: large coffee, 7 diet cokes)

this american life podcasts: 5

radio lab podcasts: 2

off tune dashboard confessional singalongs: 1

flaming hay trucks in oregon: 1

hours stuck in traffic jam because of one flaming hay truck: 3

days of 100+ degree weather: 3

hours spent at powell's books: 1

books bought at powell's books: 12

regent friends seen: 4

overate: 4 times

temperature on last day in portland: 67 degrees, hallelujah

really good friends now far away from bay area: 3.5 ... but not too far, at least.

transition

head is spinning. will try to alleviate the dizziness by writing about it. but i'm not making any promises.
anyone want to revamp my resume and write some cover letters for me?

injured bad

i came across this tonight. i think i nearly busted a gut laughing with bw and aupps one day at the well counter. oh the good ol' days. classic.

changeover

it's time.

after many good years and travels with my trusty ol' nalgene bottle, the cancer-causing comments from everyone around me finally convinced me to retire it. i'm a pack rat and person that holds on to beloved t-shirts until they are practically disintegrating. so this was a little harder than i thought it would be. there are many good memories associated with this bottle. the first that comes to mind is the summer that katie and i decided to undertake "the water challenge" - consuming our recommended daily amount of 64 oz. of water during our 6-8 hour shift at the well; for the lack of anything better to do besides eat day old sandwiches and pastries. mostly we just had to go pee a lot. and we found it quite hilarious.

ring in a new era of the lime camelback "safe" water bottle! i'm sure in time, some other health hazard will be discovered with this new material. but i do love the smaller and lighter size. so now i have a sticker-less new bottle. anyone want to send me some to celebrate the new dynasty? perhaps something to show the geographical diversity of my friends/internet stalkers.

sigh

worst case of insomnia in a while. perhaps i took too long of a nap yesterday after church. maybe i shouldn't have sat around and watched so much television and played scrabulous. so there i lay, unable to get comfortable, and watching the room slowly become more illuminated by the dawn. dammit.

i mean, i am finishing up at the church this week. i don't feel overly anxious; i do think it is the right thing to do. and i am happy to continue to be part of this community. it's a place that has started to feel like home. took damn near long enough. seriously.

and i do turn 32 in 2 days. i think it's kind of a cool number.

here's hoping for a few more hours of sleep tonight.

stomping grounds

after a blurry two days of work and a lazy friday, i think i am recovered from my trip to vancouver. i lost my camera on a plane a few weeks ago after my brother's graduation, so i am sans pictoral evidence i was there. (potential birthday present? anyone? anyone?) well, i did steal this picture from a camera crazy friend. i walked off the plane, got picked up, and immediately went to get pedicures. the little one did not, though later we did play some mario kart together. he's not a very good driver.

but it was wonderful to be there. vancouver summer days are beautiful as ever, though i probably would have loved it anyway had it been a more typical vancouver grey day. it was good to see old and dear friends, and i was largely content to bask in their presence and conversation. i think at other points in my life i would have pressed to create some kind of big experience, but i have since mellowed and enjoyed good meals and just being in the same room together. the wedding was a simple and beautiful celebration. i never cease to be amazed at two people coming together in marriage.

old words i hadn't heard in a while were musical to my ears... community, sasamat, toonie, sleeman's. that pretty much sums the visit up. i saw my favorite wisest custodian in the world, relaxed with friends like i hadn't in a long time, and found parts of my brain and personality reawaken and dust themselves off. thanks, friends! did my soul much good to see y'all. hopefully it won't be so long 'til we raise a pint together again.

frick

i've been housesitting for the past 3 weeks. it's been nice to pretend that i've got my own place to live, and nice to be closer to friends. stupid gas prices. anyway, i thought maybe i'd get the chance to read more, since a) i've got basic cable, and not the hundred or so tv channels at my parents' house and b) i have restricted myself from buying more books until i have finished the stack that i have piled up over the past year.

so that hasn't happened. it's 1 am, and i am watching yest another episode, because i have become addicted to deadliest catch. now this is reality tv - crab fishermen in the bering sea. i've watched it before, but now in the absence of other channels, this is the most compelling thing to watch. so, rather than read, i'm totally into watching these grizzly blue collar dudes risk their lives. apparently, cell phone tower technicians have a higher occupational fatality rate than these guys, but the fisherman thing is still way cooler.

another post coming soon re: my night watching roller derby.

vancouver: comin' at ya in 2 days. are you ready to rock? i said, are you ready to rock?

whatever happened to opposites attract?

the other day after church i was having lunch in the gym with my friend. church lunch is reminiscent of soup tuesdays at regent. anyhow, she and i were chatting when a couple approached us. the woman wanted to introduce her new fiancee to my friend.

they chatted as i looked on. the woman exclaimed to my friend, "we met on eharmony! our profiles were so similar! his said, "i love my kids, and my family is really important to me. and mine said, "i'm passionate about my family and about caring for my daughter." i haven't been able to shake this sentence out of my head since i heard it; i almost stared cracking up right there. really? i mean congratulations to them and all that, but it just struck me as odd.

in this techy day and age of online dating and profile scoping, is that what compatible is? are we basically looking for a version of ourselves in the opposite sex? i seem to recall a seinfeld episode like this, when jerry dates janeane garofalo. he's all excited then i think he gets annoyed that she is more funny than him. i suppose finding someone just like us holds a small measure of attractiveness, i suppose it would be really easy to get along if you had the exact same interests and way of thinking. ah, what the hell do i know.

"If The Flintstones has taught us anything, it's that pelicans can be used to mix cement." -Homer

i am trying to resurrect my latent drive to write. i can't say that it's been working very well.

sometimes it feels like life issues are too big to fit onto a page. or a computer screen. and who really wants to read about those anyway? i have no wish to verbally vomit and leave the mess on the internet. nice mental image, eh? you're welcome.

the end of my present job is near. it's a good move that is also tinged with sadness, as transitions are wont to be. fighting the panic of wondering what comes next, rolling out the resume and trying to word cover letters just so. mostly i am looking forward to living life outside of a church bubble. i plan on still being a part of this community (it will be nice not to be in charge); i think community was what i have really been looking for, as opposed to, you know, a real job or something. i could say more but that would verge on regurgitation. i think most of you know how neurotic i am, and i am happy to report that it has been kept at healthy levels. well, healthy for me. yay for meds!

right now i am content to hang out with kids on summer vacation, drive around with the windows down to get gelato, and singing along to silly songs. and rest in faith that God is on control.

vancouver: 10 days. woohoo!

indoctrination

somehow, i have convinced kids to watch significant pop culture movies from my own childhood. anything mid 90's or earlier. so far they have eaten it all up. fist there was karate kid. then so i married an axe murderer and the cutting edge on our ski trip.

at the end of the school year, it was goonies. it's still as excellent as i remember. though i totally missed the "one-eyed willie" innuendo the first time around - i was 9. and in the era preceding political correctness, it was okay to laugh at chunk, the fat kid. these are the details the kids picked up on right away - i told them they were ruining the movie. but they agreed with me on wishing to live out being goonies in reality. seriously, who wouldn't want to?




last night, we watched tranformers. the animated version from 1986. before any of the kids were alive by at least 5 years. yeah. i keep getting older, and they stay the same age. because i was watching this as an adult, i was able to enjoy it more for it's campiness and not be so enraged/traumatized by the fact that most of the original cast from the cartoon series gets killed in this movie in the first 30 minutes. it's set in 2005 by the way, and i'm hugely disappointed that reality isn't at all like this. where are the giant robots? dammit. at least give me a jet pack, or hover skateboard.

at the end of the movie, one of the kids turned to me and said, "i wish we grew up when you were growing up." long live the 80's!

vancouver count: 15 days...

go local sports team

went to my first baseball game of 2008 last night. for some reason, the quality of play resembled how these guys on the right would play, if they played baseball, and say, didn't eat people's brains.

the cubs, however, were excellent. somehow those crazy kids are doing well this year, fingers crossed. whatever. with little to cheer for, i chose to root for the ball park food. "yay for nachos! i like cotton candy." yes, i really yelled these things.

the countdown to vancouver begins. 18 days...

summer daze

i can't say that i've been particularly motivated to blog lately. as you may have guessed. it's nice to be outside.

first summer youth group is tonight. which is a mark that i have been at this job for a year. weird. i spent the afternoon filling knee high stockings with a little cup of flour. it's a game from my own high school experience. time for a short period of mayhem whacking each other with these things and flour flying everywhere. harmless mayhem can be fun. provided you don't get any in your eyes, i suppose. weird that i do things like this for a living.

in a bit of a post-vacation funk. had a good time playing video games, hanging out in the pool, and consuming enormous burritos with my brothers. and the routine of work, even while filling stockings with flour, well, it ain't vacation.

don't stop believing

i know, i know. you keep checking the blog (i look at my little site counter) and there's nothing new on it. i don't have a particularly good reason for not writing; life has been pretty all right. i'd say it has been as different as summer is from winter. it has done my heart good. i have felt connected in a way that i have missed for a long time; and even managed to get out and have fun.

this afternoon i am going on a mission trip with a bunch of jr. highers to san francisco. i am looking forward to serving people in the tenderloin district of the city. it will be cool to see kid's perspectives expanded. we're only roughly 25 minutes away from the city and it will feel like a world away. back on wednesday, then on friday i'm heading down to san diego to see the bro graduate. burritos aplenty!

to make up for my lack of posting, here is a little candy for you:


this is arnel pineda, the new lead singer for journey. they found him on youtube, singing cover songs with his band somwhere in the philippines. and darned if he isn't a darned vocal ringer for steve perry. it's making me love journey all over again.

under the influence

normally i love sleeping. seriously, i nap like a champion. but i have spent the majority of the last 2 days sleeping, and i didn't really enjoy it. codeine helps with coughs, but also replaces brain cells with a substance not unlike silly putty. that's sort of what i feel like.

also, i'm pretty sure that instigating a water balloon fight, then having a bucket of water dumped on you is not a good remedy for a chest cold. but when it's 90+ degrees, some things need to be done. and when you've changed shirts, only to have awkward damp spots on your dry shirt in the shape of your damp bra, the only thing to do is let the kids around you point and laugh.

why things said on mission trips should always be written down

"God, Jesus, Holy Spirit, Audrey. It’s the frinity."

they even drew a diagram that looked like a four leaf clover. soon after, i was replaced with bill nye the science guy. you win some, you lose some