i said, "Science again!"

I saw Francis Collins speak the other night. He's the director of the Human Genome Project, mapping out the DNA sequence and doing stuff that makes my brain hurt. He's also a Christian, though, I'm sure more conservative Christians would like to throw stones at him for his views on evolution as a part of the process of creation. Regardless of that, he was a very good communicator, funny, and honest about his journey of faith and conviction that science was an opportunity to worship God. the man loves his work, and the God who created it. plus, you have to respect a man that's willing to go toe to toe with Steven Colbert.

Part 1


Part 2

in brief

i've been a person of few words of late. i just like to acknowledge that every so often. the block is large; the heart heavy. the winter season of dormancy, perhaps. long-distance phone calls and free pedicures (and other acts of kindness) will hopefully get me through to brighter days.

new look

i've been wanting a new template for a while, and i just couldn't find or decide on one. any thoughts on this?

ouch

courtesy of banksy. interesting.

on the weekends, i try to do my best impression of our cat in being fat and lazy.

ray of sunshine

yesterday, i visited the church i used to work at. i was chatting with carolyn, a woman i used to work with, when another friend of ours, jenifer called. carolyn and jenifer get pedicures all the time together, but she wasn't feeling well. when she found out i was there, she insisted that i go in her place, and that she would pay for my pedicure. i do love pedicures, how could i turn that down? anyway, i also got some quality time with a friend, something i sorely needed.

how i feel about this time of year

considering hibernation.

winter

the days have been long, and short on sunshine. i feel ground down by the pace, and am perpetually catching up. life seems overly complex. this is a prayer i wrote for sunday school one morning, slightly modified from a prayer i found in a book.

Thank you for the sun this morning, God. We thank you for the past few days of rain. There is no sound like rain - on the roof, on the ground, or in the trees. It is hard to be in the rain sometimes, in the grayness, in the dark, in the dampness - the rain keeps pounding down. Sometimes it feels that way in our lives - too many things come down on our heads, and it feels like we are being flooded, and that the storm will never end.

Help us to remember that storms pass; that the sun will come out again. Help us to see that rain brings life. Our mistakes cling to us like dirt. Let the rain wash away our sin, and make us new again. Thank you for hope and for second chances. Thank you for the ways that our lives our nourished, both in the sun and in the rain, God. Amen

say what?

we're doing a short series on sex & sexuality at church. i had to teach a 2 weeks ago. imagine my joy. my opening line: "sex is a touchy subject ... wait, what?" (pause for laughs)

something i like

the scritchy sound that new corduroy pants make when you walk.

i made a potato leek soup tonight. it looked like dirty water and tasted about the same. sigh.

my cup runneth over

... but not really in a good way. last week was one of those weeks in ministry that was chock full of overly long work days. i slept for 10 hours last night. it was amazing. some people seem to thrive on schedules like this. i don't understand how that can be the case; i kind of wanted to curl up and die. or at least sleep for a week. how do i make the space in my schedule to write when i'm either at work or exhausted?

on sunday i have to talk to a room full of teenagers about sex. as you might imagine, i am less than thrilled about this. mostly because, of the seeming futility of the task. i could talk for 20 minutes about a healthy biblical view of sexuality for say, 6 weeks. that doesn't even compare to however many messages kids get in probably 20 minutes of television.

on a distantly related note: i went to ikea the other day to get stuff for work. we spent an awesomely juvenile time there based on this imagined scenario: what if all the swedish names for stuff there were really profanities in that language? and sweden is just laughing at the rest of the world for buying "shithead" bookshelves or an "asshole" tv stand. try it the next time you go to ikea when you're trapped in the blasted store and can't find your way out.

mavericks

today, i went to at&t park and watched a live webcast of men riding 40 foot waves. the definition of insane. but also very cool at the same time. you know the thing about surfers? they all seem so happy. if i weren't a) a weak swimmer, b) afraid of swiming in the ocean, or c) even more afraid of sharks, then i'd consider surfing. i mean, i'm already a californian. may as well perpetrate the stereotype that we all surf to work.

if you're looking at the time stamp on this post, yeah, i'm still not sleeping. anyone got any suggestions how to get to sleep (at the right times) or what i can do in the wee hours of the morning?

is the glass is half empty or half full?

well, it's 2008. so far the most significant thing is that when i went out for dessert at my friend's restaurant, our waiter was also a model who is on the cover of the newest sharper image catalog. it was a brush with greatness, i tell you. he had a funny pink mark on his forehead and the story came out that it was a rug burn suffered on the losing end of a wrestling match on new year's eve. passed an agreeable evening shooting the breeze with the friendly barflies. good times. seems refreshingly uncomplicated to the chaos i will no doubt return to at my job. i don't know ... sometimes i feel more like i am living a christian life in simple conversation with these "unchurched" people over beers than i am when i am planning the onerous details for an event that kids only sign up for at the last minute when they haven't found anything else cooler to do, or putting kids to sleep on a sunday morning when i stumble over words in an attempt to teach. no no, it's not as bad as all that, and God's ways and thoughts are much higher than my ways and thoughts. try as i might to expand, my perspective remains woefully narrow. as for 2008 and beginning a new year, i remain unexcited and unispired, and i wonder, when did i become such a pessimist? sorry for the downer posts - i'm trying to turn things around.

another year, another blog entry

i think i have recovered from our christmas. there was little sleep, but everyone seemed to get along this year (for the most part - i had a hand in my small cousin's annual crying when i frustratedly told her to stop yelling at me to pay attention when we were playing capture the flag. dude. she's 9, she's getting too old for this behavior. time to get a thicker skin). for some reason i got one of those backpacks with a water compartment as a gift - apparently my cousin thought it was "so me." i don't know where they got that idea; i barely like hiking. ah well - it is pretty nifty, perhaps this will encourage me to get out more.

i haven't blogged in a while; i know. let's just say there are artistic difficulties. or something like that. trying to find some inspiration/motivation. trying to figure out what it is in my realm to change in this weird life i am in.

my sleeping pattern is all whacked out because the late night holiday partying. so, i play "call of duty 4: modern warfare" with my youngest brother. i ashamedly admit that i am rather addicted to it.

god bless us, everyone

music of the season: vince guaraldi's charlie brown christmas album & sufjan steven's christmas singalong CDs. favorite christmas song: wham's "last christmas i gave you my heart". this song also wins for most annoying christmas song, but is sure fun to sing along to. closely followed by this song.

i survived our broomball night with my immune system mostly intact, which is surprising. now on to the family brouhaha. i'm chugging airborne - i'm not totally convinced of it's medicinal qualities, but it's not a bad placebo.

more after the holiday. still in survival mode.

come lord jesus

i'm getting sick. and with one more youth group christmas event party, and the christmas holiday still to get through. not thrilled about this. i have a sore throat, which is the precursor to other symptoms. trying to head this off - today i ingested probably 5000% of my daily allowance of vitamin c, not to mention several large cups of tea. we'll see.

struggling a bit right now ... for lots of things - the usual things, meaning, connection, inspiration, perspective, bladebladebla. i've got this job that i'm sort of good at, but is not something i enjoy or really feel called to. there seems to be lukewarm support from all ends. a thankless task.

odd that so much of my attitude concerning this holiday is negative. i really could do without all the extra trappings of this time and get down to the essential truth of the time: which is jesus came here to be among us. this sacrifice of power, this unexpected gift, this incredible love - this is what i want to be dwelling in. not rude parents, rude kids, oblivious bosses, mind-numbing commutes, cost of living ... these suck my will to live, to be thankful, to be observant.

of course, it hasn't been all drained out of me, my humor still exists. a featured part of the evening tomorrow: christmas pinatas. also: try this game - go to dollar store. buy tacky baby jesus in the manger figurines. hide said baby jesus figurines around church for kids to find. name the game "find baby jesus." when other staff members express mock horror prior to this game hide all baby jesus figurines around their office as revenge.

but operating in my strengths say 50% of the time... that number just ain't big enough for me. prayers as i discern what comes next.

xmas

holi-daze

last night, in an effort to break out of this funk i've been in, i went to a young adult christmas party at church. i really had to gear up for it because of 1) the aforementioned funk; 2) my natural tendency to introversion and hatred of small talk (and lack of party "wingman" who would promise to leave early with me if it was lame; i miss dave aupps, best wingman ever!); 3) the location of the party was at church, which is the last place i want to be on my day off ("hey, i'm here 6 days a week instead of 5! sweet!"). don't i sound like a lovely person to be around?

despite my grinch-yness, i managed to have a good time. my group won in a crazy gingerbread house building contest. th
in spite a minor wardrobe malfunction - the seat of my pants wore through that night. i had to tie my long sleeve t-shirt around my waist for the rest of the evening. perfect.

malaise

i have been in a fog for much of the past week, not understading how or why i came to feel this way. then i came across this quote today and it seemed to sum things up quite accurately.

We live today in a world of growing isolation, frantic activity, and desperate violence, where paradoxically, we find ourselves longing for both solitude and companionship, intimacy and community. Some of us may look back to times when life seemed to make sense and relationships were more certain. Whether or not such times ever existed, we nevertheless long today for relationships that acknowledge who we are and who we want to be. We want someone to hear us, to hear our hearts beating, to hear our deepest longings—even longings of which we dare not speak.
- Sondra Higgins Matthaei, Faith Matters