well.... it's been a while. the reasons for not posting anything new are varied and mundane. school, laziness, busy-ness, insecurity, perfectionism, depression and such all contributed to me now writing much. because who wants to hear me complain? i wouldn't, though my friends here have certainly given me a lion's share of patience and grace in putting up with me over the past few months.
i've just returned from a two week vacation at home that was tiring but at the same time refreshing. Tiring in that not much sleep happens - we're all night owls. Christmas presents are opened with my large extended family at oh, 2 am every year. can't remember when that tradition started, but came about because we had whined and convinced our parents that since it was christmas day already in the philippines we should be able to open our gifts on christmas eve. But time at home was also refreshing to see old friends and catch up and laugh. and go ice skating. and eat crepes. and to see the sun! that's an exciting thing when days in vancouver are a gray and wet and it gets dark at 4:30.
and now another semester awaits. i've got another year of school left after this one. lately i've been wondering what i'm doing here, what i'd like to do after this. not easy questions to answer. i know that i like/love/need to write. it's the context, and content of the writing that are the variables. even in this blog, i'm not quite sure what to talk about - stuff i'm learning in school, culture, or funny things. a combination of those things would be good i guess. i would prefer not to be "like all the other bloggers." but why try to disassociate myself when i am clearly of the armada of people that let fly on the internet? best just to embrace it as is. i do refuse to use such abbreviations as LOL, OMG, and the like. and as you can see, the shift key. mostly out of laziness, than some kind of ee cummings kind of vibe.
blogs are weird. like a diary, but posted freely for all to see. our favorite subject: ourselves. do we need attention that badly? i guess so. or perhaps more an avenue to express ourselves, with the possibility of connecting with someone "out there." i guess that what it boils down to, our main motivation (at least mine) is to connect with others, on the internet, at school, at work, at church, laundromat, coffee shop, etc. how does a world with 6 billion people and counting have so many people that are lonely and disconnected from each other?
i obsessively check others blogs, of people i barely even know. it's like catching the latest episode of a reality tv show. i don't have a tv, so i take entertainment where i can. for some reason, i can't connect to the internet anymore (perhaps my landlords have wised up to me leeching off their wireless network) at home, and now i find it difficult to entertain myself. sad, really. i think i ought to be reading. i used to read like a maniac growing up. my attention span in shorter now, i believe. or i'm just reading harder books. i could go back to reading the black stallion series or hardy boys.
anyway, i'm hungry now. i'll be back soon. perhaps with more interesting thoughts, and maybe not so self-absorbed.
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