Tuesday, January 31, 2006


song that always puts me in a good mood: mmmbop by hanson. that's 3 m's.
inexplicable, yes.

"in an mmmbop, you're gone..."

Friday, January 27, 2006

“The page is jealous and tyrannical; the page is made of time and matter; the page always wins.” annie dillard, the writing life

Thursday, January 26, 2006

i'll sleep when i'm dead

in a general state of overdrive. writing lots. sometimes i even like what i'm writing, which is a bonus.

it seems that my creative times are later on in the evening. most of the time, while i'm drifting off to sleep. i've started keeping a notebook and pen by my bed. because if i don't write it down, i'm going to forget it. or it will make me stay up later trying to impress it into my memory. it's exhausting i tell you. i'll get into bed between 12 and 1, but won't actually fall asleep until 2 or 3. i fall asleep with my light on and my pen in my hand. sometimes i wish i could just tell my creative muse to SHUT THE HELL UP and LET ME GET SOME REST FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

spending a lot of time by myself out of necessity. not too much different for an introvert like me. but still getting in good times with friends here and there. otherwise, i don't know. i'd probably end up like famous recluses such as miss havisham from great expectations, howard hughes, citizen kane, or gollum. oh my precioussss thessssissss...

Thursday, January 19, 2006

I love technology, always and forever - Kip Dynamite

i think i shall never see a poem as lovely as a tree.
what's that? see something a little off about that large tree?
that's because it's not a tree. it's a cell phone tower.
i don't know how to feel about this. the tower's been up for a few years and i drive by it all the time whenever i'm home. i guess i'm mostly amused. it's a small concession on the part of cell phone companies not to create more eyesores like this:

does it demonstrate a heart for the land? or a concern for the aesthetic? or just another glaring way that technology is encroaching on nature? or are we more dependent on cell phone towers than trees to survive? whatever. i don't know who came up with this camoflage idea.
here's a newer one. see if you can find it. they should put fake birds and squirrels in it too.

my recent humbling regarding technology involves how our wireless router in our house broke. jeff replaced it the next day. but i realized how much i'm addicted to checking my email. i was having withdrawals, sweating, my right index finger twitching involuntarily. and what happened after my 24 hiatus from the internet? 2 emails - one from j. crew and one from southwest airlines. quite humbling indeed. am i so important as to need to be constantly available to people. not so much.

and i am aware of the small degree of hypocrisy involved, as i am writing about this on my blog. i freely admit that i have a problem. that's the first of the 12 steps, right?

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

so it begins...

my final semester of grad school, lord willing.

fittingly, the rain has returned to drench everything as school starts. feeling exhilirated/jittery/anxious/excited/annoyed/terrified about everything. but in a good way. today i ran into my advisor, and we are meeting on thursday to begin working together on the thesis.
i asked what i should bring, and she asked, "well have you been writing?"
i, of course, lied. "well, a little."
and she said to bring it to the meeting. oh i'll bring it. bring it like crazy.

it's not that i don't have anything. i've got my ideas, but haven't written them out full length yet. it takes the powerful motivator of fear a deadline to get me to commit to paper. it's all good.

perhaps if i feel like giving y'all a sneak peak, i'll post some of it on here. not sure though. i like to keep my cards close. off to procrastinate some more until i really freak out.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

all i can say is that my life is pretty plain

oh blind melon, that one hit wonder band of the early 90s with the dancing bee girl. all to refer to their song no rain and rejoice that it did not rain in vancouver and i have seen the sun for the past 2 days. although it would've been kind of cool to break that record of consecutive days of rain. oh well.

"... all I can do is read a book to stay awake
And it rips my life away, but it's a great escape ..."

Friday, January 13, 2006

nose to the grindstone

well, i'm back in vancouver. coincidentally, i feel some tightness in my chest, tension in my shoulders and my socks are damp. yep. definitely back in vancouver.

downers: rained for the 25th day in a row
upside: missed the first 24 days

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

on the road again...

heading from home in california to my other home in vancouver. tired of travelling.

i have so enjoyed seeing my friends here and tasting again what life is like in the bay area (and its mexican food, which kind of goes without saying). god has been merciful and caused the sun to shine on my face before i go somewhere that has seen rain for the LAST 24 DAYS IN A ROW. what the hell is that? i should pack my scuba gear. though i am looking forward to my own bed and seing wonderful friends.

how can my heart belong to so many different places? not sure if it's supposed to be like this. or if i will always feel this way until heaven. at least i won't have to while away time in airports.

in the meantime, i am thankful for places that feel like home, raining or no.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

ego boost

achieving some kind of rock star status with old friends. it feels good. they of course are rock stars to me also.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Thursday, January 05, 2006

kicking it

well, back in the 'ville. it's sunny and that's amazing (it was mostly sunny in dc too actually. that was also amazing). back to hanging with the bro (the other one is in prague now, devising ways to force people to consume more and more each day), reading in the coffee shop with big comfy chairs and good lighting and catching up with people here and there.

contemplating the upcoming year, and all the change it will likely entail. good and hard at the same time. such is life. at this point, i also like to consider where i have been. this time last year, i was here and i was doing that. and the year before i was doing this, and why in the world did i think that. the year before that, i really can't belive i wore that or i hung out with so and so. that kind of thing ... i find it helpful to see how i have grown and changed. sometimes i feel so stuck in my own skin and many neuroses that i think i'm still as awkward as a junior higher. and it's nice to realize that that's not the case (at least, it's not ALWAYS the case).

well, i'm going to start doing some school reading now because i am a huge nerd and am afraid of being crushed under the weight of my thesis. toodles.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

in limbo

passing the time in the phoenix airport between flights. i'm mainly people watching and being happy that there's free wireless because i am utterly shackled to technology. perhaps this is something to consider for a new year's resolution. besides starting smoking so that i fill my resolution to quit smoking.

break time has been a good mix of the busy-ness of general holidy craziness, being with family, visiting with friends and vegging out in front of the tv. flew the friendly skies a lot and rang in the new year on the east coast. thankfully, all travel has been safe if not uneventful (missing that flight a while back and then this time my bag not being returned to me until the next evening. i was about to go buy some clothes at walmart.)

now going back home to practice zen breathing to prepare me for the insanity of next semester and writing a thesis. once i've caught up on sleep and figured out which time zone i'm in again i shall regale you (all 4 of you that check this blog obsessively, i know you're out there) with zany stories and thoughts. in the meantime, HAPPY NEW YEAR!