Friday, December 31, 2010

well, well, well

well hello there. it's been a while. thought i'd offer up a final comment on 2010 in the last few hours of this year.

so i got myself a job. what? yeah, that's right. gainful employment. a regular paycheck is blowing my mind. as is medical/dental insurance. and a regular commute/schedule. so it's good. i like it. perhaps i'll get to move out of my parents' house this year. we'll see. i'm curious to see what kind of shape my life will take now, after being in a kind of limbo for a while. a long while. i'm better for it though.

anyway, off to ring in the new year - once at 9, east-coast kid friendly style with my friends with rugrats and then again at midnight with the swingin' younger pals. more bang for my buck that way. hah. all the best to my 3 readers out there. hope 2011 is a good one for all!

Monday, October 04, 2010

shot in the arm

totally frustrated by the job search process today. which makes it difficult, if not impossible, to keep on writing cover letters and resumes when there is no response from any places i have applied. and i don't feel like i am actually qualified to do anything - which i know is not true. but is sure easy to believe that today.

ugh. ugh x100.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


last week: took care of 2 very old, very smelly pugs, in a somewhat sketchy neighborhood. how sketchy? the front door had one of those super heavy iron front doors with 2 deadbolts on it. then the regular front door with 1 deadbolt. the first time i got there it took me like 5 minutes to get inside. the aged alien-life-form pugs did not provide additional security. however: dishTV & internet.

this week: one aged collie/lab mix, and two little birds. house in a safe neighborhood, but also in the boonies. only 3 tv channels available: PBS, the christian channel, and one of those minor channels that has reruns of other shows and is mostly paid advertising. no internet. thus, i am at starbucks. a lot. it's only wednesday and i feel like i've been here for a week. living in someone else's clutter is agitating. i find my attachment to technology to be more than a little bit humbling.

ready to be at home again.

Thursday, September 09, 2010

escalating a situation

i got hit in the neck with a water balloon tonight. from a distance of five feet. oh, youth group. it started with tossing cushions around the youth room earlier in the evening.

of course, i had started the whole thing. he was on his ipod, so i had to hit him while he was in his own world. we call that "reaching out." then he tried to hit me with a larger pillow. at this point i explained to this kid the economics of youth and youth staff interaction. see... i'm not even when i get even. i get even, and then i get them back again -- that's when we're "even."

i'm fairly sure that these are the very words my own youth group leader used when a few of us were messing around. of course, my own high school youth group was fairly violent - a friend of mine was so terrified of the guys' wedgie wars that he perforated the waist band of his underwear so that it would come off more easily and spare him a great deal of pain. sometimes i'm so glad i'm a girl.

in spite of my warning, he apparently stalked me for most of the evening with a water balloon. somehow i refrained from spouting off some serious curse words in front of all the kids and parents milling around after youth group, because it freakin' hurt. i chased him, because i was fully prepared to commit to a flying tackle on cement to exact revenge. another dad grabbed him for me, but i decided that an adult woman giving a freshman boy a wedgie would be inappropriate. i noticed that i still had a full nalgene bottle of water in my backpack, so as he walked back to his dad's car, i followed him and got him full in the face with the entire 32 oz. of said bottle. WRECKED. and now we're even. and that is effective youth ministry work, folks.

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

an american classic

Originally uploaded by permanently scatterbrained
they went to disneyland, and all i got was this matching t-shirt. an awesome matching t-shirt. a moment of silence for the memory of the king of pop.

Friday, June 11, 2010

new style american blogger

saw there was a new feature on blogger and thought i'd try it out. thoughts?

i slept for 13 hours last night (my friends with children are rolling their eyes). still working like a dog. switching it up though, so the schedule will be more flexible and i'll be doing things that are a little more fun, but still basically working like a dog. still making up for that year or so i was unemployed. having an income is good. finding that being a bigger person in a situation to be a little bit overrated right now. and that's life as we know it.

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

the way of the dodo

Giving two week's notice when you are leaving a job - the courteous/professional thing to do, or just something that doesn't matter anymore, like wearing white shoes after labor day? just curious as to anyone's opinion

Friday, June 04, 2010

sold my soul for rock and/or roll

tomorrow - well, today, since it's after midnight - is a real honest to goodness day off in a really long time. like at least a month or so. dental surgery doesn't count because i had to get a freakin tooth pulled out of my jaw, although it was a period of enforced rest that was full of drugs and ice cream. technically, i don't work on sunday at either of my jobs but. sometimes going to church exhausts me (and feels like another job even after i stopped working at the church).

i feel like i've forgotten how to rest. besides falling asleep with my book in my hands and my contacts still in and the lights still on. it's been a bit of survival mode over the past few months. and i've been down this road before. and farther on down in ain't pretty. i catch myself short on patience with others and myself. i let slights or grudges fester. i am a faster and harsher judge. i am cranky. and i don't like being that way.

hoping for rest and refreshment. craving encouragement and laughs. desiring to regain wonder and imagination.

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

this guy

in keeping with my last post related to anonymous relationship set-up over text, i figured i should relate this story...

last week, i tried the vietnamese restaurant down the street from my internship. since my dental surgery, i have developed a craving for pho, the tasty soup dish. the restaurant was mostly empty, save for one large party on one side of the dining area. when the host said i could sit anywhere i liked, i picked the closest small table. it was next to another table with a newspaper on it, but it looked like that person had left and just left the paper there.

i space out while waiting for my food, texting friends or something, when i hear, "oh, hello." i look up and it's an older man in a SF parking enforcement uniform. "um... hi," i say. you readers in blogland know how much i love small talk.

he sits down and unfolds his paper, smiling and saying, "well, if you have any questions about sf parking, now's the time to ask!"

in my mind: "... is that a pick up line? i'm confused." after pausing, i end up saying, "well it's not san francisco i really have a beef with about parking, it's oakland's parking enforcement." which is true - i get more parking tickets than i should in that city, i think they are just trying to keep the city from going broke. what i'd really like to have said was: "wow, has that line really worked with the ladies? it must be the uniform." he chuckles awkwardly and goes back to reading his paper, and i dig into my meal.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010


so about 2 weeks ago, i get a text from a local number i don't recognize: "i think i found a man for you. he can cook."

my response: who is this?

stranger: "his name is jason and you guys would go great together!"

me: ok. but who is this?

stranger response: "and he's got a great stable job and enjoys trying new restaurants."

me: you are creeping me out.

the next morning,
weirdo: so you don't want to meet him?

me: i'll think about it, but tell me who you are first.

no response.

somewhere, someone i vaguely know is probably amused. i'm just somewhat perplexed.

Thursday, May 20, 2010


hello friends.

no, i haven't quit blogging. i've just been super busy working as a coffee monkey and also as an unpaid intern monkey. the other day my alarm went off and i couldn't remember what day it was or where i was supposed to be. it came back to me after a minute, but i don't think i've had that sensation before. it's tough, but i like my internship, and it's a good different mix from the coffee shop. it looks like my schedule will clear up a little bit soon. because i could use the break.

speaking of breaks, a filling in my tooth broke a while back and i ended up having to get it extracted and a dental implant put in. that all went down yesterday, and i was SO EXCITED to have a few days of laying around. never mind that it was at the expense of my tooth and wallet. kinda sad, eh? in any case, i enjoyed watching law and order criminal intent reruns and eating yogurt. though i'd kill for a cheeseburger right now. the bro and i are about to run to whole foods for an order of mashed potatoes. woo soft food. getting your tooth pulled: best diet ever. not really.

Friday, April 02, 2010

Jesus Jesus, precious Jesus, O for grace to trust him more!

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

maundy thursday

so, in spite of the awkwardness of my last entry, i have been asked to read some scripture for this thursday's service. technically, i am part of the "drama team" though it is more reading than acting. thank goodness. because usually anything "drama"-related to church is pretty cheesy. this isn't so much. well, my part anyway. i'm just a narrator.

this will probably be the first and last time i am part of a "drama team."

Monday, March 22, 2010

picture this...

i was asked to read scripture for last week's service. i've done it before, so now my palms don't get as sweaty from nerves. usually the scripture reader has their own mic, but this time i had to use the same mic as one of the singers. she, of course, is a taller than me.

i lower the mic towards me without incident, and i announce the scripture passage for that morning. then i realize that the music stand is actually directly in front of my face, between me and the congregation. i pause and lower it. so what you hear me say is something like this...

"today's scripture reading is John 15:1-12."
(pause to move stand down)

"now i can see all of you..."
(brief pause again)

"... uh, that wasn't part of it."

chuckles all around.
"ok, this is really it now... " read actual passage.

why am i so awkward? why do i enjoy it so much?

Monday, March 08, 2010


sorry pals. life has been the same old routine. oh, i also got named COFFEE MONKEY of the month (february). i'm such a good little monkey. would you like an extra shot in that latte today?

Monday, February 22, 2010

21 jump street

conversation at work:
me: well, guess how old i am. i won't be offended.
co-worker: 19?

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Monday, February 15, 2010

oh, you

i volunteered at the dining room today. because of my part-time job (more on that in a sec), i try to go when i can. there are usually groups of high school kids volunteering as part of their religion class (if they go to a catholic school) or just community service (godless public schools. i kid, i kid). i like seeing how they interact with the people who eat in the dining room.

this one kid has several golden quotes, as he is one of those loudmouth types that just says whatever is on his mind. i alternated between laughing to myself and wanting to turn around and punch him in the face.
1. he spotted a cute girl in line for lunch and then proceeded to tell his friend the life he envisioned she had. "i bet she's 18 or 19, 20 at the most. she just likes living life and coming down here, and bring her friends too. she just likes living life and then is going to college in the fall. bla bla bla."
2. he looks around at the people lined up for lunch and declares, "you know i feel bad for them and all, but it's THEIR OWN FAULT." referring to the low-income/homeless situation they were in. i almost turned around and gave him an earful, but i realized that wouldn't change his mind. i probably also thought the same thing when i was his age, i just kept it to myself.
3. "MAN, WHAT TIME IS IT?" his friend points to the clock on the wall. "MAN, I CAN'T READ THAT!" he pulls his cell phone out of his pocket to get the time. i really hope he was joking on that one but i'm not sure.

when i was bussing tables, some airborne eggplant landed in my tray. i looked up and realized that an old lady at other end of the table had flung her undesired side dish my way. i thought that was kind of rude and got out of dodge before i became an eggplant backboard. i heard splat as i walked away, when i turned around i saw that he had just strewn the rest of the eggplant across the table. go figure.

anyway, not a whole lot else happening. just the regular stuff in life i guess. for me a walk on the wild side consists of wearing weird socks with my work uniform. socks are the only part of my work wear that are not specifically declared to be black. no one can see them since i am wearing long pants and standing behind a counter, but it makes me happy. i'm such a dork.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

the rigamarole

slacker blogger, that's me!

i also know you have been on the edge of your seats wondering what i would write about next. my blog gets more hits when i don't write than when i actually do put up an entry. i don't know what that means, really.

annual super bowl/karaoke weekend with my brother and his buddies.
my songs:
greatest love of all by whitney houston
time after time by cyndi lauper
lucky by britney spears
what's my age again? by blink 182

good times.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

speaking of faith

back in december, i was asked to become a deacon at my church. i was honored by the invitation, and accepted. while this brings my number of church-related activities to a somewhat concerning level, i am intrigued by the chance to serve others in a different way than i have before. and it falls in line with my intention of being with people at church outside of my own peer group (frankly, i find the people outside of my peer group a lot more interesting. there are exceptions, of course.)

so i get voted in at our annual general meeting in a few weeks. i had to write a statement of faith, and true to procrastination form, i just finished writing it - it was due earlier today. make the assignment 12 pages longer and throw in a late night run to 7-11 to mail it in, and it's just like regent days all over again. man, that makes me kind of want some of those 25 cent gummy candies you could pick and choose. or some all-dressed potato chips.

if you are so inclined, you can read what i wrote below. or you can just skip farther down and watch that chris farley el nino video in that last entry, because that still makes me laugh every time i see it.

I believe in the fellowship of the Trinity of God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. We have been invited into this fellowship; we were made for this. I believe that we chose to live our own way, and broke this relationship through sin.

I believe that God has never given up on us. He relentlessly pursues us with his love and grace. I believe that he has created everything in this world, and thus all is sacred, even in its ordinary-ness. I believe that he has passed this creative spirit on to us, as we bear his image, and we are intended to play a role in the inbreaking of His kingdom.

I believe in the incarnation of Jesus, in his humanity and divinity. I believe that he laughed, and that he cried. God sent him to restore creation and bring reconciliation. I believe that this has happened and is happening. I believe that heaven is coming here.

I believe in the everyday empowering work of the Holy Spirit. She is the great comforter and counselor, interceding for us with groans that words cannot express.

I believe that we, the church, are a broken people that are grieved by what grieves God. We are called to mourn with those who mourn and rejoice with those who rejoice. I believe in breaking bread together, and that our vocation is to practice hospitality and generosity and to remember what it means to be human.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

I only wanted to see you laughing in the purple rain. puuuuuurple raaaaaaiiiin, puuuuuurple raaaaaaiiiin...

currently in rain-pocalypse '10 in california. thunder and lightning, oh my! it's an el nino year.

unlike other native californians, i find myself rather cheered by the rain. it reminds me of summers in dc, when i would get stuck in rainstorms whenever i had to go somewhere on my bike, and i'd wonder if i'd get hit by lightning. if i did, would the tires on my bike have grounded me? i don't know how that conductivity stuff works. if only i'd been an electrician, then a) i'd know and b) wouldn't be so hard up for cash.

where was i? the rain also reminds me of vancouver. and thinking of vancouver always makes me happy. i remember the first extended rain spell when i first moved up there lasted for 4 days or so. when the rain stopped, i wanted to run down the street out of happiness. then i got used to it, though i couldn't really shake the feeling of living underwater sometimes. and there was no cheery dance number involving a singing crab and dancing fish and calypso rhythms. if only...

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

missed connection

you: creative facial hair, nice smile, make an impeccable latte. me: armed with laptop and over-caffeinated. is it you or the coffee giving me jitters?

even if i am a barista again, i still spend a good amount of time in coffee shops. i focus better with a bit of hustle and bustle around me. it's good to see all the other people on their computers scraping the internet for a job. and, i've just realized, i also check out the male baristas. (full disclosure: though i am in a coffee shop right now, i am not typing this and staring at some guy. that would be creepy) hey, i'm no cougar (though i am of an age where could technically be one - hello college boys!), but i guess the scenery gets to me? hahaha! i think i just like men that are into creating a hospitable place. i guess. i don't really know. oh, and i really dig the tattoos.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

music flashback

just another opportunity to date myself and be an old fogey on a porch talking about the good ol' days before mp3s.

first tape ever owned: my parents bought me and my brother "thriller" by michael jackson and "color by numbers" by the culture club. i think a few months later, i unraveled the culture club tape because it was fun.

last tape bought: "electric youth" by debbie gibson. this did not happen in the 80's but about 4 years ago for 50 cents at a thrift store and given immediately to my friend rochelle. as far as i know, she played it once, and our friend margo almost ripped off her ears while we listened to it.

favorite tape: "nevermind" by nirvana. "smells like teen spirit" was a high school anthem. though i had no idea what i had to be so angry about. ah teen angst.

first cd: "dookie" by green day. an xmas present from my brother. i was confused by this until i opened the next present from my parents which was a discman. in the era where it had to be completely stationary and flat so that it wouldn't skip. still a pretty kick ass cd.

cd i regret buying: "cracked rear view" by hootie and the blowfish. i'm sure there are others, but this is the first one i thought of. in college, i also thought going to TGI Friday's was really fun. i also thought rusted root was going to be the next big band. then i realized being stoned helped listening to jam bands. not that i was ever stoned. no, really.

last cd bought: "volume 1" by she & him. i sort of love and hate zooey deschanel. she's cute and fun and a good singer. but really? her multiple talents make me jealous. anyway, it's a fun cd. volume 2 comes out in a few months.

weigh in: i've had this dilemma for a while - buy a song from itunes and thus don't contribute to the whole enviromental waste mess and maybe being more "green" (this is questionable); or buy the album from your local indie music store? i have usually opted for the later, but was wondering what people thought.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

money don't get everything it's true

well, it's been almost a month of wage slavery. it ain't bad. i mean, it could be better, but it could also be worse. i have some semblance of a schedule again, and i actually am tired out at the end of the day (but not too tired to play video games...).

even though i'm not making much, i already sense a shift in me and my money attitude. while jobless, my choices were limited. i used what little money i had for necessities (excluding my weakness for books); at the same time it was pretty liberating. i didn't care to shop, and didn't need to. now that i have a little influx of cash, i already find my eye wandering to purchasing things i think i "need", even when i already have other things like health insurance and dental care and car care and all that other grown up crap to worry about. money is indeed a master. i am trying to resist.

in other news: go get yourself a copy of the book thief by Markus Zusak. it's technically children's literature, but a good story is for everyone. and this is indeed a good story. some turns of phrase made me stop and say "wow." and i was incredibly moved by events in the story. it's haunting and beautiful. this is one purchase i definitely don't regret.

Saturday, January 02, 2010

enchanted fairy land

well, happy freakin' new year!

my new employed lifestyle choice has me getting up pretty early in the morning, so i did not celebrate the new year with all the bells and whistles usually involved. did that mean i went to bed early? no. for the second year in a row, my brothers got me the video game call of duty for the xbox. a new and more realistically violent edition every year! i am somewhat ashamed of this inexplicable addiction to this game.

seriously, i'd consider myself a pacifist, except for when teenagers need a good hard punch on the arm. at the very least, it is fun to play with my brothers. back to my original point, i rang in the new year and the first two hours of 2010 by shooting russians and yelling at a tv screen. that's right. i played video games until 2 am. and then rolled to work on 5 hours of sleep. it's a good thing there's a lot of caffeine there. and that everyone else was too wrecked to start shopping in the morning.

i've realized that malls and major department stores are kind of like disneyland. the appearance and atmosphere are under tight control. music is piped in. everything is super shiny and clean. the fake street-like pathways to take in all the sights. fake greenery. and everyone working is dressed to the nines, happy to see you and ready to respond to your every whim. it is surreal. and after a while, overstimulating. most of the time, after i am done working, i am seized by an unstoppable urge to take a nap.

since the mall area i work at is outdoors, the disney atmosphere is even more apropos. i've noticed the custodial people constantly sweeping the walkways of leaves and other trash, but i don't think anyone shopping even sees them. i also think the average age for the custodians is 65 years old. it makes my heart hurt. they remind me of the elderly people i see in the dining room for every week, people who have to work too freakin' hard just to get some food on the table. while i serve up java to an impeccably dressed man that proudly proclams he hasn't worked since 1968. TMI because i had just asked him if he was a store employee (for the discount on his beverage). i think he was bullshitting me, but still. there are also plenty of other customers that are bigger douchebags than he is. it's easy to guess who i'd rather spend time with.

the other day a homeless man said hi to me when i was in my car stopped at a red light. he started to tell me a joke about three strings that walk into a bar, but then the light changed and there were cars behind me. i was sad i didn't get to hear the whole joke. anyone know that one?