living underwater

it has rained pretty solidly for the past week. flooding, landslides, soggy jeans, the whole mess. welcome to vancouver. were this a year ago, i would say, welcome to the pacific northwest. but i have since been learned about geography (not to mention being scolded by my canadian friends) to learn that relative to the rest of the country, vancouver is barely northwest of anything. if anything, vancouver is the canadian southwest. say, like san diego in america. oh how i wish i was in san diego. at least then i would have learned to surf by now, or fattened myself up on many a burrito. mmm... burritos.

i just saw the movie garden state. good film. made me think a lot. watching the "special features", zach braff talks about the storm towards the end of the movie (don't worry i'm not giving anything away). he says (not verbatim) that going through the storm is cold and gloomy and hard, but on the other side of it is spring, new birth, and the characters are changed through the experience. true, true. right now, it is hard for me to believe my socks will ever be dry or that i will see the sun again. it is hard for me to see what is on the other side of my experience at regent, to understand why i am going through the things i am going through now, to understand why i am writing pages of papers and reading hundreds of pages of books. because somewhere on the side of this, the sun will break through, i will finish writing and i will be a different person than i am now. sometimes i wish i could just take a hiatus from being me, go back 10 years or ahead 10 years and meet myself and see what i'm like. because sometimes i think i'm going in circles, being crazy old me, even though i know that's not really true.

the relentless rain, cold and grayness also makes it difficult to appreciate everyday. i suppose in la, where it's sunny all the time, it would make each day unique too. but here, i'd just like to hibernate until the bright exciting parts. i don't really want to live that way, like i'm blanking out the way i sometimes do in class lectures until something grabs my attention. i need something to break the monotony i suppose.

the coffee shop where i get my free wireless connection (with the purchase of a wicked good rooibos tea) is closing now. wrapping up but will continue this thought later on.