still in it

come tuesday of next week, hell or high water, i will be finished with school. between me and that blessed long-awaited day stand 2 research papers and a personal essay. in all of my academic years, i have never quite figured out how to write 2 papers at the same time. some prioritizing is necessary. of course if i were able to write papers early, then i wouldn't have gotten into this predicament. coulda, shoulda, woulda. whatever.

the reading went really well. better than i thought it would have. but in my neurotic mind i imagined that all of my jokes would have fallen with a thud. seriously, how have i gotten by in life without driving myself completely insane? fortunately i have surrounded myself with people who are endlessly encouraging and think i'm hilarious. i was surprisingly calm the whole day of the reading. i didn't get nervous until lara and sienna and i drove to school. then i wanted to hide. i couldn't take people staring at me or asking if i was ready. so i hid behind the stairwell until maxine waved me over.

i sat in the chair before the microphone said a few things (this was the part that worried me the most actually). then i started to read. and it was really fun. people laughed loud and long. hearing them laugh felt as warm as the afternoon sun that came streaming through the windows.

if anything, this reading and this project has been another affirmation of how i write, and how i see the world. and that is no small thing.