moments

i continue in limbo. surprisingly, i am not as anxious as i have been in times similar to this. this is not to say that i am not anxious, i would be crazy not to feel it to some extent.

i'd say i'm still getting acclimated to being home. not just with things like it being over 100 degress sometimes. i have to drive everywhere. the times i have chosen to walk downtown from my house, i am the only pedestrian i see, besides people walking to their cars. when i look up to the hills, they are a dry golden brown, instead of a lush green. the amount of consumption appalls me; the traffic jams of hundreds of people, a solitary occupant in each car. it irks me that people don't recycle the plastic cold cups from starbucks. i am tempted to become like a vancouver binner and go through the trash cans.

i watch families gear themselves up for the school year. people here are too busy. they forget the there is a choice involved in what activities they undertake. it's all "keeping up with the joneses." gotta get into college, gotta do these extracurricular activities, gotta make mortgage payments, have good cars, look like the perfect family. i feel the pull and resist.

there are moments of blessing as i wait and think and consider my surroundings.
playing bocce ball in the backyard with a 5 year old, who cheats by taking a few steps closer EVERY TIME
glorious reunions with youth group kids, who are all a lot taller than me now
lingering lunches with old and wise friends
going to free concerts in record stores with my brothers