Sunday, August 06, 2006

reversal of fortune

with every change, for good or ill, there is a loss involved. i remember how excited (and freaked out) i was three years ago, when i moved up to vancouver. i was moving somewhere new, facing new challenges, and looking forward to growing. at the same time, i was terribly sad to leave relationships and surroundings that were incredibly wonderful and formative for me.

three years... seems like the blink of an eye and an eternity at the same time. and i find myself feeling the same feelings, only now i miss vancouver (which hits me at odd times, usually when i'm watching tv and i realize that the show was filmed in vancouver because i can see the familiar mountains in the background) and the relationships there. i suppose i'm feeling it more keenly now, as the dust settles here and i realize that i'm hoping to stay around the bay area. the scenery is familiar, but i am feeling out how things have subtly changed here and how i have changed. this will come at me from odd angles and unexpected ways.

the language is different; perhaps not the big words from theological school, yet the underlying concerns, thoughts and needs are the same. sometimes i wonder why i had to go to vancouver and spend a lot of money while others seem to be learning the same things i have without going anywhere. but i rejoice to see that the kingdom of god is breaking in everywhere and that i don't feel totally alien to what is going on. and i look forward to connecting more and to living out what i have learned, once the details of my life have been filled in a bit. my loathing for cover letters grows each day.

in the meantime, i got a glimpse of everyday family life when my friends were home briefly between trips. rather than go home and then come back to housesit again a few days later, they invited me to stay with them. so i found myself on several mornings eating cereal with a seven year old boy who was clad only in boxer briefs, having my hair braided, and shopping for school supplies. i have a renewed and deeper respect for parents, especially after the trip to the mall for backpacks and new shoes. exhausting.

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