speaking of faith

back in december, i was asked to become a deacon at my church. i was honored by the invitation, and accepted. while this brings my number of church-related activities to a somewhat concerning level, i am intrigued by the chance to serve others in a different way than i have before. and it falls in line with my intention of being with people at church outside of my own peer group (frankly, i find the people outside of my peer group a lot more interesting. there are exceptions, of course.)

so i get voted in at our annual general meeting in a few weeks. i had to write a statement of faith, and true to procrastination form, i just finished writing it - it was due earlier today. make the assignment 12 pages longer and throw in a late night run to 7-11 to mail it in, and it's just like regent days all over again. man, that makes me kind of want some of those 25 cent gummy candies you could pick and choose. or some all-dressed potato chips.

if you are so inclined, you can read what i wrote below. or you can just skip farther down and watch that chris farley el nino video in that last entry, because that still makes me laugh every time i see it.

I believe in the fellowship of the Trinity of God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. We have been invited into this fellowship; we were made for this. I believe that we chose to live our own way, and broke this relationship through sin.

I believe that God has never given up on us. He relentlessly pursues us with his love and grace. I believe that he has created everything in this world, and thus all is sacred, even in its ordinary-ness. I believe that he has passed this creative spirit on to us, as we bear his image, and we are intended to play a role in the inbreaking of His kingdom.

I believe in the incarnation of Jesus, in his humanity and divinity. I believe that he laughed, and that he cried. God sent him to restore creation and bring reconciliation. I believe that this has happened and is happening. I believe that heaven is coming here.

I believe in the everyday empowering work of the Holy Spirit. She is the great comforter and counselor, interceding for us with groans that words cannot express.

I believe that we, the church, are a broken people that are grieved by what grieves God. We are called to mourn with those who mourn and rejoice with those who rejoice. I believe in breaking bread together, and that our vocation is to practice hospitality and generosity and to remember what it means to be human.

I only wanted to see you laughing in the purple rain. puuuuuurple raaaaaaiiiin, puuuuuurple raaaaaaiiiin...

currently in rain-pocalypse '10 in california. thunder and lightning, oh my! it's an el nino year.


unlike other native californians, i find myself rather cheered by the rain. it reminds me of summers in dc, when i would get stuck in rainstorms whenever i had to go somewhere on my bike, and i'd wonder if i'd get hit by lightning. if i did, would the tires on my bike have grounded me? i don't know how that conductivity stuff works. if only i'd been an electrician, then a) i'd know and b) wouldn't be so hard up for cash.

where was i? the rain also reminds me of vancouver. and thinking of vancouver always makes me happy. i remember the first extended rain spell when i first moved up there lasted for 4 days or so. when the rain stopped, i wanted to run down the street out of happiness. then i got used to it, though i couldn't really shake the feeling of living underwater sometimes. and there was no cheery dance number involving a singing crab and dancing fish and calypso rhythms. if only...

missed connection

you: creative facial hair, nice smile, make an impeccable latte. me: armed with laptop and over-caffeinated. is it you or the coffee giving me jitters?

even if i am a barista again, i still spend a good amount of time in coffee shops. i focus better with a bit of hustle and bustle around me. it's good to see all the other people on their computers scraping the internet for a job. and, i've just realized, i also check out the male baristas. (full disclosure: though i am in a coffee shop right now, i am not typing this and staring at some guy. that would be creepy) hey, i'm no cougar (though i am of an age where could technically be one - hello college boys!), but i guess the scenery gets to me? hahaha! i think i just like men that are into creating a hospitable place. i guess. i don't really know. oh, and i really dig the tattoos.

music flashback

just another opportunity to date myself and be an old fogey on a porch talking about the good ol' days before mp3s.

first tape ever owned: my parents bought me and my brother "thriller" by michael jackson and "color by numbers" by the culture club. i think a few months later, i unraveled the culture club tape because it was fun.

last tape bought: "electric youth" by debbie gibson. this did not happen in the 80's but about 4 years ago for 50 cents at a thrift store and given immediately to my friend rochelle. as far as i know, she played it once, and our friend margo almost ripped off her ears while we listened to it.

favorite tape: "nevermind" by nirvana. "smells like teen spirit" was a high school anthem. though i had no idea what i had to be so angry about. ah teen angst.

first cd: "dookie" by green day. an xmas present from my brother. i was confused by this until i opened the next present from my parents which was a discman. in the era where it had to be completely stationary and flat so that it wouldn't skip. still a pretty kick ass cd.

cd i regret buying: "cracked rear view" by hootie and the blowfish. i'm sure there are others, but this is the first one i thought of. in college, i also thought going to TGI Friday's was really fun. i also thought rusted root was going to be the next big band. then i realized being stoned helped listening to jam bands. not that i was ever stoned. no, really.

last cd bought: "volume 1" by she & him. i sort of love and hate zooey deschanel. she's cute and fun and a good singer. but really? her multiple talents make me jealous. anyway, it's a fun cd. volume 2 comes out in a few months.

weigh in: i've had this dilemma for a while - buy a song from itunes and thus don't contribute to the whole enviromental waste mess and maybe being more "green" (this is questionable); or buy the album from your local indie music store? i have usually opted for the later, but was wondering what people thought.

money don't get everything it's true

well, it's been almost a month of wage slavery. it ain't bad. i mean, it could be better, but it could also be worse. i have some semblance of a schedule again, and i actually am tired out at the end of the day (but not too tired to play video games...).

even though i'm not making much, i already sense a shift in me and my money attitude. while jobless, my choices were limited. i used what little money i had for necessities (excluding my weakness for books); at the same time it was pretty liberating. i didn't care to shop, and didn't need to. now that i have a little influx of cash, i already find my eye wandering to purchasing things i think i "need", even when i already have other things like health insurance and dental care and car care and all that other grown up crap to worry about. money is indeed a master. i am trying to resist.

in other news: go get yourself a copy of the book thief by Markus Zusak. it's technically children's literature, but a good story is for everyone. and this is indeed a good story. some turns of phrase made me stop and say "wow." and i was incredibly moved by events in the story. it's haunting and beautiful. this is one purchase i definitely don't regret.

enchanted fairy land

well, happy freakin' new year!

my new employed lifestyle choice has me getting up pretty early in the morning, so i did not celebrate the new year with all the bells and whistles usually involved. did that mean i went to bed early? no. for the second year in a row, my brothers got me the video game call of duty for the xbox. a new and more realistically violent edition every year! i am somewhat ashamed of this inexplicable addiction to this game.

seriously, i'd consider myself a pacifist, except for when teenagers need a good hard punch on the arm. at the very least, it is fun to play with my brothers. back to my original point, i rang in the new year and the first two hours of 2010 by shooting russians and yelling at a tv screen. that's right. i played video games until 2 am. and then rolled to work on 5 hours of sleep. it's a good thing there's a lot of caffeine there. and that everyone else was too wrecked to start shopping in the morning.

i've realized that malls and major department stores are kind of like disneyland. the appearance and atmosphere are under tight control. music is piped in. everything is super shiny and clean. the fake street-like pathways to take in all the sights. fake greenery. and everyone working is dressed to the nines, happy to see you and ready to respond to your every whim. it is surreal. and after a while, overstimulating. most of the time, after i am done working, i am seized by an unstoppable urge to take a nap.

since the mall area i work at is outdoors, the disney atmosphere is even more apropos. i've noticed the custodial people constantly sweeping the walkways of leaves and other trash, but i don't think anyone shopping even sees them. i also think the average age for the custodians is 65 years old. it makes my heart hurt. they remind me of the elderly people i see in the dining room for every week, people who have to work too freakin' hard just to get some food on the table. while i serve up java to an impeccably dressed man that proudly proclams he hasn't worked since 1968. TMI because i had just asked him if he was a store employee (for the discount on his beverage). i think he was bullshitting me, but still. there are also plenty of other customers that are bigger douchebags than he is. it's easy to guess who i'd rather spend time with.

the other day a homeless man said hi to me when i was in my car stopped at a red light. he started to tell me a joke about three strings that walk into a bar, but then the light changed and there were cars behind me. i was sad i didn't get to hear the whole joke. anyone know that one?

a recap

awesome: having a paycheck again

not awesome: working in a large retail center during the holiday shopping season

awesome: free coffee beverages and cheap food

awesome: playing kickball with the cousins on christmas day (lost by one run!)

not awesome: having one of those cousins give you the ped egg for a christmas present and not 'fess up to it. stupid gift exchange. gross. other people got snuggies. (i'm not saying i like snuggies, but the probability of me using a snuggie is greater than me using a cheese grater on my feet.)

awesome: talking to a kid's shoe saleswoman about the twilight book series last week. talking to a homeless guy about the very same twilight series today.

owned

i'm a slave to the man again, as an espresso monkey. no, really, tomorrow is my sixth day of work in a row.
which is why the blog has been lagging. hopefully i will get back on it soon.

raditude

oh weezer. your music always makes me happy and want to play in my car at high volume. rivers may be the most adorable dorky guy ever. conan o' brian also fits in that category. and joseph gordon-levitt.
broadway dance number. sweater vest. check. (i haven't even seen this movie yet.)

this one time...

i went to my 15 year high school reunion over the weekend. the next morning i woke up feeling like i had two wine glasses too many, found that i had cracked my contact lens, and couldn't find my wallet. which makes it sound like i had a really wild night, which it was not - actual glasses consumed: 3, i have butterfingers, and i am more absentminded than i am a wild spender (i let my more successful, gregarious, and self-described borderline alcoholic high school buddy do the buying of bottles). so i just feel old and foolish.

in spite of my aversion to being extroverted, i quite enjoyed seeing people and chit-chatting. i'm glad it was in a low-key atmosphere and not a banquet room as if it were prom: the sequel. who knew that my hometown could have a happenin' wine bar? like many others who grew up in danville, i was convinced that this town was boring as hell. anyway, being 15 years out of high school is long enough to not really care anymore about what you were like in high school. there was some reminiscing over who we went to the prom with, and how one of our teachers would consume 4 diet cokes by 10 am every day, and our regrets over early 90s "fashion."

pity party

wondering how long a streak of bad luck can go. latest casualties: my left contact lens (cracked), and my wallet (though i am hoping it is at the wine bar my high school reunion was at. no one is trying to use the cards. stupid place is closed on sunday and monday.) just sitting here sipping my airborne vitamin supplements.

season's greetings!

happy thanksgiving to all.

sixteen tons...

i've been thinking a lot about the past year or so. i've been unemployed that long - really? really. makes me wonder if i am ruined for ever having a regular hour-type job again (i would, however, kick ass at a trivia round of law and order: criminal intent). not that i found myself particularly suited to it in the first place. just for fun, let's imagine me in a business suit, wearing white sneakers with panty hose, and carrying an insulated lunch bag. yeah. not to knock that look or that life - more power to those who can/do. i suppose seeing joe vs. the volcano (which, as i recall, was a pretty good movie, possibly the first of the hanks/ryan collaborations. netflix it now.) at an impressionable age has something to do this my revulsion:

(this scene kicks office space's ass in oppressive movie work environments) well, it's this scene and during an internship i had in college my editor told emphatically to avoid jobs that involved wearing panty hose. she said she would wake up every morning, open the closet and go, "ugh" and she drank a lot and gained weight, so she quit and became a bike messenger. and then somehow later she ended up at the magazine where i was interning. thing is, i think that was the best thing i learned during the internship.

Music is what feelings sound like

yesterday was a bit of a blur. again, i blame the inattentive baristas at starbucks for juicing my latte when i specifically asked for decaf. customer service skills, people! learn them.

so after getting very little sleep, i managed to drag myself out to volunteer. i'd been playing hooky for a few weeks; it was good to see familiar faces again. whenever i go, i wear my same old adidas military cap (it beats the lunch lady hairnet) and every time pauline, another volunteer, asks me, "what branch of the military are you in?" she's not all there, but she faithfully serves every week.

after a necessary cat nap in my car, i managed to stay up late enough to hit a show at a jazz club. a kid i know from youth group is in a jazz school big band. i know, expectations may be low for teenagers playing jazz, but this kids are on a whole other talent level. seriously.

you'd walk by these kids in their street clothes and have no idea how much they rock. watch them slouch out on stage in oversize suits because they are growing like weeds, squinting a big in the glare of the stage lights and you'd still wonder what was going to happen once they start playing. and then these 15 or so gangly kids with hair drooping in their eyes begin their first piece and cease being 15 individuals, but a one organism with 30 hands and 30 lungs that breathe as one and create some amazing sound. it is SO MUCH FUN to see this transformation. to see kids this focused, this poised and really loving what they are doing and doing well (this band being on top of whatever school bands they are in, private music lessons, and the high-powered-dryer-tumbling load of regular stuff that constitutes their day-to-day lives). that's why i rarely miss an invitation to see these kids play. it's just not something you see that often.

come on feel the noise

i volunteered for the high school retreat this past weekend. i suppose i'm a glutton for punishment. but there is also some part of me that is energized from being with them. i don't know if energized is the right word, and while a good part of the time i'd like to drop kick some of them, there is an equal amount of time that i enjoy getting to know them - in a different way from our weekly gatherings. so, yes i still like teenagers, and no i don't plan on returning to the paid life of youth ministry.

here's a snippet of what makes me hang out with high schoolers. it's overhearing things like this that i could not make up:
i'm lying on my sleeping bag, in between activities. the little pack of freshmen girls comes in the room because they are incapable of doing things independently.
girl: let's go get more brownies!
another girl: let's not. (general noises of unenthusiasm.)
(pause.)
first girl: ... want to watch me eat a brownie?
other girls: yeah sure.

they exit. and... scene.

nerd alert

here's the long awaited post on books. that only applies to dan, really. and the other four of my readers that just like knowing what i'm up to.

i really dig creative non-fiction, and memoirs. it's because i find the oddities and mundanities of life to be equally fascinating.
for this genre:
the tender bar by jr moehringer. a memoir of growing up in a long island town. raised by his mother, jr finds the male influences in his life in a bar down the street from his house. for better and for worse, this community guides him to manhood.

the ramen king and i by andy raskin. subtitle: how the inventor of instant noodles saved my love life. hard to resist a title like that. while a bit long for my taste, raskin still does a surprisingly masterful job of tying together these two parts of his life: his inability to sustain a relationship and his obsession for momofuku ando. some might not buy it, but i liked the linking. those who are somewhat familiar with japanese culture will probably enjoy this.

blind side by michael lewis. yes, a movie adaptation starring sandra bullock is about to be released. read the book first, as lewis provides a lot of background and depth that probably doesn't translate to the big screen. it might be hard for you to get through if you are not a football nut, but lewis makes it mostly understandable for those who, say, aren't in two fantasy football leagues (ahem). even if you skim over those parts, the story of michael oher is riveting. plus, it is nice to hear about evangelical christians in the bible belt that aren't assholes.

now for the fiction. gotta tip the hat to jane halton and dane splinter for letting me know about these.

the lovely bones by alice sebold. i picked up this book in the afternoon and did not put it down until the wee hours of the morning when i was done. that doesn't happen very often. the writing is beautiful. told from the perspective of the narrator in heaven, she observes as her family and friends deal with the aftermath of tragedy.

unaccustomed earth by jhumpa lahiri. basically anything written by this woman is kickass. that's all you need to know.

it does a body good

as i mentioned in a previous post, i found out that i had low iron levels in my blood. so i have been trying to beef up the iron in my diet, literally. i toyed with the idea of going on a cheeseburger-only diet. but common sense prevailed and i have been eating more leafy greens and legumes and such. okay and i had a few cheeseburgers. because they're good.


that is all. more tomorrow on the books i've been reading that i think you should read too.

this post has been sponsored by...

last friday, my good friend molly jenson blew through town. she does that, being a musician and all. i set up a house concert for her on the roof of my brother's apartment in the city. musicians gotta eat.

thus i tested the loading capacity of my good ol' honda fit. there were 20 folding chairs, an outdoor firepit, a box of firewood and a bag of christmas lights, in addition to the other junk that is usually in there. with room to spare, i might add.

so this is my little shout out to my car, probably one of the few consistent things in my life right now. oh, in addition to loading up the car, i also had to go a long way around the san francisco bay because the stupid bay bridge is broken right now (going on 6 days now). it's commuting hell. luckily i don't have a commute, so i just like to watch the drama unfold on tv.







anyway, the concert went off without a hitch. my bro and his roomie got a keg of PBR which was classy. it was a beautiful night in san francisco. and molly rocked. well, as much as you can rock with an acoustic guitar. give molly a listen on itunes or pandora.

ah, youth

so then i get this message on facebook from a kid i hadn't seen at youth group in a long time

initial message
me: why did you unfriend me? jerk.

response
kid: cuz ur old and i dont want to have any association with any religion at all, as my new beliefs have lead me to believe that organized religion is evil.



awesome!

this warmed my heart...

a college kid told me, "i like you because you're one of the first christians i know that didn't pretend to be happy all the time." guess i'm doing something kind of right.