in summation

bro's apartment: check
mexican food:
check
beach visit: check

a complete trip to san diego.

$2 taco thursdays

the way we unwind after a day of apartment hunting.
the bro watches the u.s. open.
i drink an enormous beer.

"south of the border, down mexico way..."

well, when you've got a clear schedule (read: jobless), that's a fine time to take a road trip. especially when your parents give you a gas card and food money. don't suppose i'll ever outgrow that.

for the geographically challenged, the map on the left will help. san diego is known for its plentiful taquerias, where you can wear flip flops 365 days a year, being the home of annie lam, and not being los angeles. my bro is transferring to ucsd this fall and i'm helping him find an apartment. like telling him it's not such a great idea to move in with 3 girls and making him ask about how much the utilities are. mostly we've been on the quest for good tacos, yelled at each other about directions and seeing how long we can stand having the heater turned on full blast with the windows rolled up. these are typical road trip hijinks.

we're staying at my cousins' house. we just went on a late night run and i bought my first-ever bubble tea. i had what my brother had a mango milk tea with boba aka pearls. there are too many names for this stuff. somehow i have avoided this tasty asian treat (pictured at left. try it hot or cold!) the entire time i lived in vancouver. tapioca balls - euugh. i have texture issues with food, and the gummy cold pearls were kind of weird. but not as unpleasant as i thought it would be. probably not something i will be ordering a lot.

tomorrow it will be more of the same stuff, looking at places, wandering around campus, harrassing the housing coordinator. driving back up north on saturday. the routine will the return to: wake up at 11, walk to library, surf the web, work on job stuff, walk to peets, order iced latte, read, walk home, watch various reruns of many shows. plotting how to convince everyone i know to start composting.

behind the curve

i know a lot of america already knows this but grey's anatomy? so good. shamelessly tugs the heart strings in so many ways.

also? i have been watching a lot of tv. but you probably already knew that.

moments

i continue in limbo. surprisingly, i am not as anxious as i have been in times similar to this. this is not to say that i am not anxious, i would be crazy not to feel it to some extent.

i'd say i'm still getting acclimated to being home. not just with things like it being over 100 degress sometimes. i have to drive everywhere. the times i have chosen to walk downtown from my house, i am the only pedestrian i see, besides people walking to their cars. when i look up to the hills, they are a dry golden brown, instead of a lush green. the amount of consumption appalls me; the traffic jams of hundreds of people, a solitary occupant in each car. it irks me that people don't recycle the plastic cold cups from starbucks. i am tempted to become like a vancouver binner and go through the trash cans.

i watch families gear themselves up for the school year. people here are too busy. they forget the there is a choice involved in what activities they undertake. it's all "keeping up with the joneses." gotta get into college, gotta do these extracurricular activities, gotta make mortgage payments, have good cars, look like the perfect family. i feel the pull and resist.

there are moments of blessing as i wait and think and consider my surroundings.
playing bocce ball in the backyard with a 5 year old, who cheats by taking a few steps closer EVERY TIME
glorious reunions with youth group kids, who are all a lot taller than me now
lingering lunches with old and wise friends
going to free concerts in record stores with my brothers

a convergence of images

scratching an itch that isn't there

sometimes you don't know you miss something until it's not there anymore. today i watched my friend register her kids for school, starting up next week. and i realized how different my time is now. the school schedule easily follows the seasons. time is sharply delineated: in the summer i have nothing to do; in the fall i have to start reading and once winter gets into full swing i am writing papers like crazy. that kind of routine. only now i'm not registering for classes, a habit from the last 3 years. and while i enjoy that freedom, i miss it a bit too.

little things like that strike a nerve of homesickness. out of the corner of my eye, i'll see someone that looks like someone i went to school with. or i'm watching a tv show and i realize that it is filmed in vancouver because of the mountain range in the background. i find myself watching the scenery more closely than the show itself, to see if i can figure out exactly where they are filming. i was the same way about shows or movies in washington dc - a strong sense of connectedness and nostalgia. back here in danville; i've been so used to driving to my friend katie's house since high school, i'm pretty sure i could find my way there with my eyes closed. what are places that feel like home to you?

old mcdonald had a farm

E-I-E-I-O

a momentous occasion

today, sienna kelley has been on the earth for 1 year. i, for one, am glad she is around. because it's just so darned fun to play with, shop for and take pictures of her. leave a comment here, or click here to send her some birthday love. happy birthday, girl! you're awesome.

you know what sucks?

waiting 4 days for the avocados i bought to ripen. i couldn't wait anymore, and cut into one that felt ripe today and discovered that it still wasn't totally ripe. i hate that. and i really want to make guacamole. blech.

on being a techie of a minor degree

while housesitting, i have a charger for my

-computer
-ipod
-phone
-toothbrush
-camera


no joke. i don't really "need" these things, but it's so "convenient" to have them.
what the heck.

summer nights

i almost drove off the road last night when i saw the moon. i forgot how the moon could be here, at this time of year. huge and golden, low in the sky, it seemed like i could just drive to the moon. when i think of summer, this is the vision that goes with it. made me believe that anything could happen.

foolishly, i always thought it was the harvest moon. silly suburban californian kid that i am. harvest moons are in the fall. i looked it up. there's a name for every full moon during the year. august is the corn moon. a slightly less cool name than i had hoped. oh well.

playing the waiting game here. which i'm mostly okay with, up to a point. gilmore girl reruns help.

funky chicken

time i spent unsuccessfully trying to corral one stubborn young chicken: the better part of 1 hour

time peyton, a seven year-old boy, spent catching said chicken upon arriving home: 3 seconds

one serving of humble pie, served up hot.

reversal of fortune

with every change, for good or ill, there is a loss involved. i remember how excited (and freaked out) i was three years ago, when i moved up to vancouver. i was moving somewhere new, facing new challenges, and looking forward to growing. at the same time, i was terribly sad to leave relationships and surroundings that were incredibly wonderful and formative for me.

three years... seems like the blink of an eye and an eternity at the same time. and i find myself feeling the same feelings, only now i miss vancouver (which hits me at odd times, usually when i'm watching tv and i realize that the show was filmed in vancouver because i can see the familiar mountains in the background) and the relationships there. i suppose i'm feeling it more keenly now, as the dust settles here and i realize that i'm hoping to stay around the bay area. the scenery is familiar, but i am feeling out how things have subtly changed here and how i have changed. this will come at me from odd angles and unexpected ways.

the language is different; perhaps not the big words from theological school, yet the underlying concerns, thoughts and needs are the same. sometimes i wonder why i had to go to vancouver and spend a lot of money while others seem to be learning the same things i have without going anywhere. but i rejoice to see that the kingdom of god is breaking in everywhere and that i don't feel totally alien to what is going on. and i look forward to connecting more and to living out what i have learned, once the details of my life have been filled in a bit. my loathing for cover letters grows each day.

in the meantime, i got a glimpse of everyday family life when my friends were home briefly between trips. rather than go home and then come back to housesit again a few days later, they invited me to stay with them. so i found myself on several mornings eating cereal with a seven year old boy who was clad only in boxer briefs, having my hair braided, and shopping for school supplies. i have a renewed and deeper respect for parents, especially after the trip to the mall for backpacks and new shoes. exhausting.

golden

today is the last day in my 20s. tomorrow is my golden birthday: 30 on the 30th! i'm looking forward to turning 30. to being more settled, being more at home in my own skin. anyway, that's what i'm hoping will happen. for me, the 20s were full of jangly nerves, fear of uncertainty and failure, and all the sorts of neuroses that plague you as you make your way into the world. not to say that they've gone away, i think i'm just familiar with them now, and can put them in their place. i find this upcoming decade to be full of possiblity, not the onset of old age. tomorrow i shall go to santa cruz with friends, ride the giant dipper (which i rode 4 times in 30 minutes with camp staff during 60 cent ride night for my 25th birthday. one of my favorite birthdays ever) and visit camp.

i am prevented from having a party shindig for the same reason as ever; it's summer and everyone is on vacation and spread out over the country. at least this time around, i didn't have to get lumped together on a cake with all the other summer birthdays at the end of the school year. in addtion, this allows me to spread out the celebrations. dinner with the fam wednesday night, lunch with a mentor-type on thursday, ice cream and a kick ass mexican food dinner with another mentor-type friend and her family last night. i'm milking this for all it's worth.

it's good to be home; i love patronizing some of my old haunts, walking in familiar neighborhoods. why, just on the way to this coffee shop, i passed one of the bars i went to on my 21st birthday. we got kicked out when i let one of my underage friends have a sip of my beer. my first beer, so the decision to share was not based on drunkeness, but rather naivete. silly. but i can say i got kicked out of a bar and seem as if i am somewhat dangerous/belligerent, for whatever that is worth.

rent on thursday night was pretty cool. the characters lost some of their mythic stature for me; as my friend bryce sang his heart out as roger, i couldn't help but remember him when he was in junior high and i was taller than him. those days are long ago. anyway, it was a great production. and a few of us waited outside the stage door trying not to look too much like groupies. the cast seems so much larger than life on stage; i was surprised to be standing eye to eye with the guy who played mark; and we walked with them to the BART station. the guy who played tom collins nearly jumped on me when a small hot doggy dog scuttled past us on the dingy city street, fleeing its owner; he thought it was a large rat.

some of the circumstances of rent seem dated now; the diagnosis of HIV positive is not the immediate death sentence that is was then. or is it? i wonder if the reality of AIDS is something we are just desensitized to now. still, as in many of the musicals i have seen, the yearning for connection and significance comes through with a clearness and and poignancy that takes one's breath away.

the chickens are turning on each other. it is quite annoying; perhaps they miss their owners. in the meantime, i do an easter bunny act and bestow fresh eggs on grateful friends.

well at the risk of inciting stalkers, but if you would like to send me cards/gifts/monetary donations/a pony for my birthday
send them to...

9 0 9 R i c h a r d Ln
D a n v i l l e CA 9 4 5 2 6

"that's where the leprechaun lives. he tells me to burn things." ralph wiggum

praise the lord, it's only 83 degrees today. i can go outside without feeling like i'm an ant under a magnifying glass.

i am re-learning the difference between being an introvert and being a hermit. only talking to chickens for a few days makes me kind of weird. especially when the chickens seem to like attacking each other. it is good to have lunch with a wise and encouraging friend and going to see rent tonight in the city. those that live in the bay area refer to san francisco as "the city." never, never ever refer to it as "frisco." "san fran," perhaps. but never frisco. perhaps it is too much like "crisco." ew.

also re-learning that getting a job isn't so much what you know, but who you know. thus, my friend carol today introduced me to a woman with experience in the publishing world, who in turn will introduce me to another woman she worked with who has more direct experience in editing. i'll have my people call your people. and so on. good to take stock of things and refocus my energies. and to have face to face contact with people as opposed to the face-to-computer-screen interaction i have had lately.

one of these sundays i will stalk anne lamott at her church in marin. if only to tell her how much i love her books, much less pump her for job advice. in the small christian world anyway, there's bound to be somone at church here that knows someone who knows her. that's much preferable to stalking her. less chance of a restraining order.

i read memoirs of a geisha in the 2 days i was immoblized in the heat. 2 thumbs up. daring to take up the pen again to write, after a much needed hiatus from writing for several months.

the rhythm of social interaction is much different from school. it's so centralized there, especially since there's only one building for classes. schedules are more flexible, with periods of down time or procrastination. back in non-academic life, my friends are spread out over the bay area. they have more rigid schedules (except for my teaching friends). there is a larger degree of intentionality involved, less crossing of paths by chance. searching for a routine. missing living on one street with friends.

respite

hey it's only like 90 degrees today. much cooler. bizarre to say that.

i think i'm tanner than i have been in the past 3 years up in vancouver. it's not that i'm outside more under direct sunlight, but more like i have been slowly baked to a crisp like in an oven. i think i've been averaging drinking 3-4 full nalgenes a day. (how you like that for a water challenge, katie brown?)

the temperature dominates my thoughts and activities (or lack thereof). even with this current heat wave that is causing power outages, my main impression of californians upon my return is that they know little of hardship from the weather. it's just written on their faces and laidback manner. not necessarily a bad thing, it's just interesting to notice after being away.

the chickens are funny, though not great conversation partners. they are not as agile as i had previously thought chickens to be, and are pretty easy to catch, with the minimum of squawking and flapping. i don't know how rocky had such a hard time catching them in the movie.

i continue writing bland cover letters and polishing my resume. there's this secret code language to these things that i have never learned very well. you know, using words like "supervise" and "implement" or whatever. blech.

hot damn

110 degrees. double dammit.

damn

107 degrees. dammit.

hot time, summer in the city

so, i'm living in the US, in california and in the suburbs. kind of a triple whammy of excess, car dependence, and consumerism. i miss walking everywhere, though i'm sure if i tried that right now, i'd evaporate before i got a mile.
i wonder how i will hold true to my values and things i learned at regent and manage to get by. because those things seem at odds a lot. then i read this article. and it gave me some measure of hope here in the suburban wasteland.

wandered around with the bros in san francisco and in berkeley today courtesy of BART - all fares are free on designated Spare the Air days. it's at least 15 degrees cooler on that side of the hills. berkeley is pretty close to being my favorite place on earth.

off to hang out with the chickens tomorrow. visualize the scene in rocky when mick forces him to chase chickens as a part of his training. but not until after i watch the time trial of the tour de france. go floyd go.

still hot hot hot

today i rode a razor scooter to the neighborhood pool. i looked like hansel from zoolander. "that's hansel - he's so hot right now."
i borrowed it from my little friend kyle; he rode his bike. we went with his brother garrett and their mom marybeth. i've known both of the boys since they were teeny, and their mom since i was in high school and she was my youth group leader. it's fun to be spending time with them again. not to mention that it was amazing to jump in the water.

it's not that i don't like how warm it is. it's that i've become a total wimp from living farther north. guess i'll go out and eat 30 burritos with fresh guacamole tomorrow. don't laugh - i could totally do that.

a sight i will never get tired of for as long as i live: watching the fog roll over the hills into town. it means the end of the heat wave... i'm still waiting for it to arrive.

hot hot hot

i repeat, it is too hot to live. my mom passes most afternoons by going to the library because it is airconditioned there. i went once but i had to fight for a plug for my laptop. not so fun.

passing the time with a fierce tetris rivalry with my brother. i currently have the upper hand, with a score of 171227. yes! he always beats me, which makes me angry.

fortunately i am housesitting starting this weekend, so i can be more productive. whenver i am in my parents house, i fall into the black hole in front of the tv for hours at a time. i have watched more of the tour de france than i ever have in my life. at least i picked an exciting year to watch it. anyway, i'll be watering plants, reading on the patio, and taking care of 6 chickens. 3 full grown hens, and 3 baby chicks. looking forward to some good rest and reflection. barbecue party at "my" house this weekend. i'll even fry an egg on the sidewalk for you.

what's grosser than gross?

in this corner:
the kfc bowl: a generous serving of our creamy mashed potatoes, sweet kernel corn, bite size pieces of all-white meat crispy chicken, topped with our homestyle gravy and 3-cheese blend.
and in this corner...
the taco bell crunch wrap supreme:
a warm soft flour tortilla filled with seasoned beef warm nacho cheese sauce, a crunchy tostada shell, cool sour cream, lettuce and tomatoes and the wrapped up and grilled for maximum portability.


when did "maximum portability" become acceptable words to describe food?
maybe i've been watching too much tv, but that shit is just WRONG. can i get an amen?

kick off your sunday shoes

something guaranteed to make you smile even after you have to start your job search all over again: seeing footloose the musical performed by a bunch of 12-14 year olds. my friend's roomate runs a summer kids theater company and this was their production. i was quite impressed with their production. i mean, they are young enough to even have missed when the 80s was retro cool.

update: when i got home that night, what was on tv? that's right, footloose the movie. best day ever.

sad

i like to think that i'm not ruled by money. but when i sat down to calculate my budget with the offered salary, it became very apparent that it was not very wise financially to take this job. i kept thinking about it and tinkering with different scenarios, and it just wasn't coming up any way that made me feel better. and i had to turn it down.
now all that is left is for me to sit here and second guess myself.

sigh

negotiations still in process. this ordinary life stuff is kind of hard.

however, i have rekindled my addiction to tetris.

in process...

well, it looks like i'm going to be a michigander. okay, i can't believe i just typed that. my head is spinning. i know that all five of you that read this blog have been waiting in anticipation of the verdict.

the visit went well, and i enjoyed the city of grand rapids. it has midwestern charm. not that i actually know what that is. i experienced more hospitality and explored the town a bit, and had a cheddar dog at yesterdog. (picture forthcoming, nate and dave)

the company itself is small, family run and independent. which has its advantages and disadvantages. but overall, i was excited about the job.

i am in salary negotiations. what the heck? i don't really know what i'm doing. other than make them make the first offer. so i guess once that's all straightened out (if anyone has any advice about this stuff that would be great. i've ben looking up cost of living stuff and all that and it only makes a little bit of sense to me. say, lower cost of living there = lower salary. i'm trying to understand if i can live off the salary i will most likely be offered. this stuff really makes me feel nauseated.)

here i go again

july 4th was overstimulating. i haven't seen such fervor, well, since the last 4th of july i was in america. besides that, i had a good time catching up with more old friends. we drove to santa cruz, one of my favorite places on earth. ponderosa lodge is full of wonderful and crazy memories. going there makes me take a deep breath and relax. it was needed.

i'm going to michigan tomorrow. MICHIGAN! TOMORROW! insane. job interview craziness. the rest of my life appears to be happening, a lot faster than i like.

waiting to exhale

well...
i have been home for approximately 5 days. in that time i have managed to

go to an a's game. they lost to the diamondbacks. the diamondbacks, people! atrocious.






go to a wedding in napa. beautiful. fun. lots of old fun friends to catch up with. lots of parents of friends that i haven't seen since high school, who after giving me the parental 3rd degree about my life, then proceed to get sloshed and freaky on the dance floor. now, that's just weird.

get into a disagreement with my dad. this is par for the course. hopefully i will learn not to react with my teenager reflexes. "i hate you and i wish i'd never bee born!" well, i didn't really say that, but it was in the same spirit. sigh.


eat mexican food twice in one day. i know you're jealous. so so so so good.

i am still quite overwhelmed and wondering how to find a quiet and refreshing moment in the midst of all this. tomorrow is the 4th of july and i don't know how i will handle the uber patriotism. especially coming from understated canada. oh canada, how i miss your general apathy. last night i went to church and the first thing i saw was the welcoming power point slide with the american flag on it. yikes. and, after attending an anglican church off and on for the past few months, the electrically powered worship band was a bit much. i feel like rip van winkle, unfrozen caveman, or a reawakened coma patient, take your pick. so many buildings, and cars, hey look, the mall!! the mall simultaneously lures me to buy things and my skin crawl at the same time. holding to my principles becomes a bit unrealistic. for example, i have to find health care. dare i sell out to the man and get a job at starbucks the corporate giant simply because they include benefits? how am i to survive? it seems wrong to me that health care should be beyond what people can afford. canada, i miss your socialist ideals and multi-colored currency. i want to scream when i see how much people are throwing away here, and feel powerless to stop them.

right, so i have a bit of culture shock. i am prepared for more. tomorrow i shall catch up with an old camp friend and go to said camp. conservative evangelicalism ... i will probably be holding my tongue on more than one occasion. on thursday i shall be going to grand rapids, MICHIGAN to see about a job. big doings going on. currently still undecided about this whole business.

people that have been emailing me: i will personally email you soon. my brain hurts.

immobile

i can hear the click-clack of the sprinkers outside as i type; one of the sounds of summer. it's weird to be home. however i find it much preferable to the 21 hour train ride that i just endured. after living somewhere that rarely went higher than the mid-80's in temperature, and hell, used celsius, i feel like i'm in an oven (or a crematorium, i saw one of those at the mortch. while in use, no less. yikes).

right. so i'm home. i'm brain dead right now, so a more substantive post will follow, detailing the 21 hours of my amtrak experience. with pictures. my own computer will not connect to the wireless here so the technical issues will hopefully be resolved soon. or i will be sitting in another parking lot outside of a cafe. let's hope it doesn't come to that.

getting back on track

8 days ago, i was playing wiffleball in the park and eating ice cream sandwiches with dear friends. 7 days ago, i left vancouver, my home of 3 good good years.



today, i'm sitting in the parking lot at the amtrak station of eugene. i'm tired of spending money so i am leeching the wireless signal from a nearby coffee shop. the train is going to be at least 1 hour late. this is not what i bargained for, but then again, i didn't think i'd end up taking a week to travel from vancouver, bc to berkeley, ca. it has been random and glorious, so the train delay just seems to fit in with the whole tone of this trip. i am pumped for my 15 hour train ride.

it has cooled off here, so instead of floating down the willamette river (which i shall return to do someday) we hiked mount pisgah. sara drank chunky beet juice. she was disgusted with the texture and threw it away.i had a breakfast burrito, but it was not so good either.. really, are breakfast burritos ever a good idea?

eugene reminds me of santa cruz minus the beach and with more white trash. like dudes with def leppard t-shirts and long hair that is shaved on the sides that is tied back into a greasy pony tail, circa 1992. in spite of that description, and the intense heat, i rather liked it here.

this funny trip has me more at ease with the limbo state of my life. like wherever i end up, i'll land on my feet, i think. i will encounter hospitality and good times as i have in the past few days. but i also look forward to my own bed and old stomping grounds.

digression, part II

still in eugene. another night in the mortch (that's slang for mortuary, for those of you not in the know). jumped in the river this afternoon and then had a dairy queen dipped cone. summer perfection. i took 3 showers today, plus the river dip. it's still hot.

i delayed yet again because, it's summer and i have little tying me down right now. and i get to see katie brown (katie likes coffee, her husband derek, and coffee. she doesn't like starbucks, bad knees, and starbucks.) in eugene tomorrow.

i'm going home tomorrow night, i swear. then the nothingness can set in. i kind of need a break anyway.

it's getting hot in here...

i'm in eugene, oregon. in the middle of some kind of insane heat wave. upper 90s. 100 degrees when i arrived. it's almost too hot to live.

i'm also staying in a mortuary this evening. that's right, a mortuary. my friend lives in an apartment above the place for super cheap rent in exchange for minor cleaning chores. now, heat wave and higher elevations don't mix, so her apartment is absolutely suffocating. so we are camping out in a "arrangements" room. in the mortuary. where dead people are. well, not in the same room, but somewhere around here. i'm not looking for them.

it seems a bit fitting. eugene is a funny place, where the teenagers loiter outside the library. the first restaurant we went to for dinner had a chilled raspberry soup for the dinner special (sara suggested that it should be served in a bread bowl, like a kind of terrible jam). we ended up at karaoke night at a local dive. she sang whiskey in a jar by metallica - this song makes no sense at all. i sang here "i go again" by whitesnake. the clientele was awesome. and by awesome i mean, freak show. apparently, she will soon be trained to be a karaoke dj. that fact alone makes me want to move here - when it's not so damn hot. anyway, the beer is cheap, the company great, the temperature nearly unbearable.

tomorrow evening i board the train for an all night extravaganza back to the bay area. i am losing my zeal for amtrak, because i had to ride the bus the whole day because of track repairs and they "lost part of the train." no big deal but if i have to ride the bus tomorrow at all, i will absolutely lose my mind.

that's all for now. tomorrow i will loiter at sara's coffee shop (the allan brothers something or other) and catch up on the rest of my life. peace out.

but i digress...

a few things you should know about me or maybe you already do: i'm a sucker for a free meal.
i enjoy spending time with friends, no matter the activity (most of the time). i used to be a cheerleader. that last one is actually a lie. i know, hard to believe, isn't it?


thus, i found myself hanging about in bellevue for the weekend to help katie and james move into their home in west seattle. i would say it is new, but in actuality, it is only new to them. the place itself is so retro, it's amazing. the kitchen is pink, as you can see here. katie says the kitchen makes her want to make pot roast while wearing pumps and pearls. james is a builder, so he's going to have renovation projects coming out of his ears, and he is quite excited about it. there are enough to keep him occupied for the next several years, but when he's done their house will be so awesome it will be on mtv cribs. anyway, it's fun to work hard and help them settle in and have some laughs and meals together. it eases my transition from place to place.

as we drove back and forth with loads of items, we kept passing this sign on the freeway and it gave my heart a twinge each time i saw it. a homing instinct, perhaps? love to my homies in canada.

derailed

well, the slow journey southward has ground to a halt for a few extra days in seattle.

there's no place like home

It’s the first day of summer and I am heading south. Farmland, livestock and leafy trees are on my left. The sunset and salty cold waves of the Pacific are on my right – this is my scenery for the next few days. I will take pictures of myself, eat bad snacks from the "bistro" car and watch cheesy movies (today's feature was "failure to launch" which wasn't so bad, it's the least sarah jessica parker has annoyed me; but considering buying cheap dvds from target), visit with friends, mourn my departure and prepare myself for what is ahead. leaving my home that is not my home anymore to my old home that is not really my home either.

i look back over my shoulder to the north and miss it already. Seasons come and go. And so, with the beginning of this summer, begins a new season of life. No more classes, no more books, no more teachers dirty looks... Uncertainty, possibility, and opportunity lie ahead of me. I feel like an uprooted plant, albeit one that has grown and thrived in the damp and rich Vancouver soil.

the lyrics, they speak to me

And you may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house?
And you may ask yourself
Where does that highway go?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right? ...am I wrong?
And you may tell yourself
My god!...what have I done?

-"Once in a Lifetime", Talking Heads

somewhere over the rainbow

"... it wasn't a dream - it was a real live place.

You were there.

And you were there.

And you were there, too.

I remember that some of it wasn't very nice... but most of it was beautiful." - Dorothy

whiling away the hours

the days in vancouver dwindle down...

i am still holding on to some level of denial, as i have picked my departure date but not purchased the train ticket. that's right, i'm taking the train back to california. it shall be old-fashioned, lovely, and scenic.

anyhow, i've passed much of the time loitering in the atrium at school. with my friends scattered to the winds and to new digs, and me without at phone # to call my own, i depend mainly on the free wireless and chance encounters in the atrium as my main form of connecting with people. plus, i still get free coffee from the well. don't need much else, i suppose.

it is strange how things come full circle. when i first got to vancouver and didn't know anyone, i'd pass entire afternoons in this space visiting with people, and getting to know them, trying to put down roots with people. the following 2 years, i avoided the atrium because i am an introvert at heart. i met my friends elsewhere. and now i am back here at a table, surfing the web for a job, daydreaming about what to do with my life, and wondering what will happen to the roots i have grown here with people.

accentuate the positive

so the silver lining to what feels like a gray cloud moving back to california is that the abundance of good mexican food places. that's what i've got so far.

i know a couple of hobos

huh

i just realized... since i'm moving away very soon, i'll have to change the name of this blog. weird. suggestions? not that i'll listen to you, but it should be entertaining at least.

see this face? this is our over-the-moon face.

watching oprah and pedicures

this is my first blog post by request/demand (going out to jane halton of vancouver, bc. jane enjoys recycling, triathlons and diet coke. she does not enjoy the fifth season of dawsons creek, anything happening after 10:30 pm and meat).

i have pink toenails right now. jane and dan ray and i went to get pedicures last wednesday. now, i suppose this is not a combination of people you would really expect to go out and get pedicures. it was great fun. nice to do something i don't normally do and to be pampered a bit. so we relaxed in some massage chairs, watched oprah, and some women made our feet look G-O-O-D. jane had to run some errands so i got myself an oreo blizzard from dairy queen on the way home. not a bad way to pass a wednesday afternoon.

what to look for in a job

i had a summer internship at a magazine the summer before my senior year in college. i fact-checked and proofread articles, it was pretty innocuous. but allison, the managing editor imparted some lasting advice from her own job experiences.
it went something like this:

"oh yeah, after i graduated from UCSB, i got a job in san francisco (ed. note: i think it was an ad agency). i had to wear panty hose. every morning i'd open my closet and just go, 'ugh.' i drank a lot and gained 50 or 60 pounds. so i quit and became a bike messenger. it was the panty hose that was the worst of it."

any other job requirements i should be thinking about?

adrift

for the first time that i can remember, i am utterly keyless.
no house key. not even a bike lock key.
it is unsettling.

further thoughts on moving

i can't lift my arms.

also, i hate material possessions.

on moving

things are happening too fast now. my room (formerly known as my fortress of solitude) is a shambles. well, it usually is a shambles because i am a slob. but now, most all of my books and clothes are gone. i sold my desk on craigslist yesterday. and this lady just bought my bed, again thanks to craigslist. man, i know that i shouldn't be attached to material goods and all that, but dang, i loved that bed. it was a great bed. through my many nights of insomnia, at least i was comfortable. and i could look out my window at the mountains and english bay and the vancouver skyline. now i am sitting amongst dust bunnies.

change bites.

goonies never say die

ingredients for an AWESOME friday night:
friends
beer
junk food
and a DVD of goonies, a childhood movie classic. pirates, gadgets, danger and adventure. instantly transports you back to being about nine years old again. except that you're drinking beer while watching.

"Don't you realize? The next time you see sky, it'll be over another town. The next time you take a test, it'll be in some other school. Our parents, they want the best of stuff for us. But right now, they got to do what's right for them. Because it's their time. Their time! Up there! Down here, it's our time. It's our time down here." -Mikey

i gotta find me a treasure map.

moving SSSSSUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKSSSSSSS

on my top 10 list of things i hate to do, moving is definitely one of them. the long lazy days of may have slipped by all too fast. sitting in the backyard has been replaced with figuring out how to fit stuff into boxes. (baby was not actually packed into box)

what makes leaving harder is that i have no clear plan. you know, besides move back in with my parents. it's very kind of them, but i might just go nuts after about 2 weeks, if that. there's also a letdown after working so hard and accomplishing this goal of earning my degree. of course wondering what next is on my mind, which makes it so much more annoying when complete strangers ask me this.

i decided that moving and saying goodbye is like ripping off a band-aid. if you do it slowly or quickly, it still sucks.

back from rivendell

rested. relaxed. there aren't very many places that encourage you to stop take a deep breath and think. but when you find those places, take advantage of them. each time i have gone there, the change in pace has been jarring; it's like jumping off a speeding train. not that i've ever actually done that. the change in pace back to regular life is equally abrupt. trying to remember to breathe.

gone fishin'

off to rivendell for a few days. taking a book, my journal, and a pen. seeing what comes out of my head, minus my computer, the tv, and video games and people.

good thing #5,672 in my life

reaching the evening's perfect point of alcohol consumption so that when you buy a greasy slice of pizza on the way home, that it tastes like best freaking pizza you have ever had in your life.

further clumsiness

these are the hedges out behind our school, between the building and the parking lot. we discovered a few months ago that they are dense enough to support your weight. jeff demonstrates this here. it's quite amusing.

the other day i ran into my friends, the swaim family, as i waited for katie to give me a ride home. i thought my little buddies, hudson and everett would be amused by this little trick. so after a few unsuccessful attempts (i have a poor vertical leap) i hopped on top of the shrub. only to be immediately swallowed by the hedge. completely. it looked like i had vanished. I FELL THROUGH A HEDGE, people. why do these things happen to me? or, more accuratley, why do i keep doing these things to myself. perhaps i just shouldn't go outside anymore. the only thing you could see was my leg sticking out the side. i managed to crawl out of the hedge, russ, rebecca and katie had nearly peed their pants with laughter. it was pretty funny. i can admit that at least. because if you can't laugh at yourself, then you have no sense of humor.

perspective

sometimes my approach to life looks like this:

when, really, maybe it should look more like this:

did you know?

may is nacho awareness month.
may is also barbecue appreciation month.

at least it is at 4531 west seventh.
i have made two kinds of salsa. we have grilled wings, brats and chicken kabobs. then sat in the backyard all day.
this is the best month ever.

sponsored by honey's doughnuts.

straight outta compton, foo'

may showers

i didn't leave my house today. it was too dreary. my vacation isn't supposed to be like that.

when you're done with school and don't have a job...

every day is like the weekend.

on graduating

i forgot to mention my activities on the day leading up to graduation. after lunch with my parents, i played video games. i packed some, and then went for coffee with the kelleys. we ate our snacks at trimble park, in spite of the gale force winds that day.

as we left the park, lara and i hopped on the seesaw, a old school playground toy. simple enough to operate, yes? this seesaw happened to be some kind of souped up model - with springs. it added a trampoline kind of effect to the seesaw. anyway, i thought "whoa, this is crazy. i should get a better grip." i was holding a snapple bottle and empty cup of coffee in one hand. so i thought it wise to COMPLETELY LET GO of the handle to to shift these objects around. i ended up FALLING OFF the seesaw and flat onto my back. i was more stunned than anything else. my first thought was, "wow i haven't heard lara laugh that hard before." the next was, "i can't believe that just happened." so on the same day that i got my master's degree, i fell off a seesaw. now how many people can say that?

2006 Miss Cherry Blossom of 4531 west 7th

i am so smart! S-M-R-T! i mean S-M-A-R-T...

well, three years and many dollars (canadian!) later, i walked across a stage to loud applause. they handed me a few expensive pieces of paper and bestowed me with a shiny cloth to wear. ooh, a headcovering! it's biblical, you know.

though the culmination of my education was two nights ago, in the years to come i'll be mulling over my time at regent and what it did in me. i leave with few, if any, answers about God that i thought i'd get here, but am more comfortable with mystery. maybe a little more cynical, but definitely more thoughtful about my faith. my future is foggy, but i have a clearer sense of my vocation and plenty more confident to pursue it. certainly more broke and with more debt than when i first got here. i leave with more wonderful, interesting, and crazy friends and lots of memories. as to exactly how the many books i've read and papers i've written and relationships built have impacted me and continue to do so, that will take more time to figure out. that's life, i guess. further thoughts will be documented on the blog. because i'm a geek. a geek with a headcovering.